


Heaven Was Needing A Hero

by ReneeWritesx



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Eventual Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad, Temporary Character Death, alec and magnus are totally in love, lots of angst before it gets happy, really sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2018-12-06 21:25:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 64,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11609253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReneeWritesx/pseuds/ReneeWritesx
Summary: “Be careful,” Magnus whispered, a hint of urgency to his voice.“Always am,” Alec said, reopening his eyes. He kissed Magnus one more time before turning and stepping through the portal.-----They were outnumbered.When Alec had led them into the fight, Jace had felt nothing short of exhilaration. His blood had been pumping, his heart beating rapidly, as he charged into battle at his brother’s side.But now, everywhere he looked was consumed in chaos.





	1. A Story That Had Just Begun

**Author's Note:**

> In case you haven't read the tags: PREPARE FOR ANGST. This chapter doesn't have too much of it and is relatively happier in tone, but later chapters will be much different. I apologize in advance. :')

"In a sea of people, my eyes will always search for you." 

-

Magnus studied Alec’s face as he slept. His eyes roamed over the smooth skin, the deflect rune on his neck, and the way his nose crinkled slightly when he snored. Soft sunlight had started to peek through the silk curtains, dancing across Alec’s features. 

Magnus cherished moments like these. They were the rare moments where everything felt at peace. Where Alec could relax, and Magnus could manage shut his mind off for a little while. Magnus wasn’t sure if each day was getting a little easier, or if each new day was presenting new problems that allowed him to forget about his own. 

War was on the horizon. There was no denying that. Anyone would be foolish to try to say otherwise. With Valentine missing and his follower count growing, it was only a matter of time before all hell broke loose. Magnus never prayed, but as he lay there, watching Alec sleep, he prayed that the destruction that was to come would be minimal. He knew it wouldn’t be, but he prayed anyway. 

Alec shifted in his sleep, moving closer to Magnus. As the sunlight filtering in through the curtains became stronger, Magnus knew that Alec’s alarm would be going off soon. Alec had been running himself into the ground lately, and Magnus wanted nothing more than to steal Alec away from his worries. Magnus was driven by a fierce desire to protect the boy, a feeling that was so strong it often caught Magnus by surprise. He had been in love before, but nothing compared to what he felt for the Alec. 

Magnus smiled faintly as Alec slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times before they settled on Magnus. 

“Good morning, love,” Magnus said softly. 

“Morning,” Alec murmured sleepily, shifting closer to Magnus. 

Magnus stretched forward, placing a kiss on Alec’s forehead. Alec smiled back at him, closing his eyes for a moment and letting out a small sigh. 

The moment of peace was broken by the sound of Alec’s alarm going off. Alec groaned, sitting up and reaching over to grab his phone off the nightstand. Magnus sat as well, crawling across the bed and hugging Alec from behind, burying his face into Alec’s shoulder blade. 

“Did you manage to get some sleep last night?” Magnus asked softly, resting his chin on Alec’s shoulder. 

“A few hours,” Alec replied, exhaustion clear in his voice. 

“You need sleep, Alexander,” Magnus said with a sigh. 

Alec turned in Magnus’s arms so they were facing each other. He stretched forward, capturing Magnus’s lips in a gentle kiss. “I’ll be okay.” 

Magnus resisted the urge to pout as Alec untangled himself from Magnus and walked over to the wardrobe, pulling out a pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt. Not wanting to watch as Alec struggled to get dressed due to his exhaustion, Magnus made his way into the kitchen to make Alec some coffee. Heaven knew Alec needed it. 

Magnus took his time making the coffee rather than using magic. Whatever it took to have a few extra moments with Alec. Plus, it occupied his mind and allowed him to block other thoughts out. Alec stumbled into the kitchen a few moments later, leather jacket hanging on his shoulders. Magnus felt a pang in his chest at the fact that it appeared to fit Alec a little looser than it had before. 

“What would you like for breakfast?” Magnus asked, plastering a smile on his face as sparks appeared at his fingertips. 

Alec didn’t answer, instead stepping closer and pressing their foreheads together, placing his hands on Magnus’s shoulders. 

“Thank you,” he said quietly. 

“For what?” Magnus asked softly, tilting his head back slightly so he could look at Alec. 

“I know you’re worried,” Alec said, looking at him intensely. “I know I’m worrying you, and I’m sorry. I promise I’m going to be okay, I’m just stressed. How about dinner tonight? Seven?” 

A genuine smile spread across Magnus’s cheeks. “You’ll be done by then?” 

“I will,” Alec said with a nod. “I’ll make sure of it.” 

Magnus jumped on his feet excitedly, earning a blinding smile from Alec. “I’ll make the plans,” Magnus said, pure happiness in his voice as he conjured up a portal. “You get to the institute and do whatever it is you have to do to get home on time.” 

Alec laughed and pulled Magnus in for another quick kiss. 

“And be safe,” Magnus added as Alec pulled away. 

“Always,” Alec said softly, grabbing the coffee Magnus had made for him walking through the portal. 

-

When Alec stepped through the portal, he immediately made his way toward the kitchen as he downed the coffee Magnus had made for him. He was going to need at least two more cups before he was able to properly function. As he stepped inside, he found Jace seated at the table, slowly eating an omelet. 

The lights in the kitchen were off, the only source of light coming from a dim light above the table Jace was seated at. The omelet was an odd shade of brown, and Jace seemed to be poking it with his fork more than he was actually eating it. 

“Hey,” Jace said when he spotted Alec. 

Alec raised an eyebrow as he poured himself another cup of coffee, looking down at the omelet and then back at Jace. 

“Izzy made it,” Jace explained. 

“Okay,” Alec said slowly. “But why are you eating it? You always throw it away when she isn’t looking.” 

Jace shrugged, dropping his gaze back down to his plate. Alec slowly walked over to the table, sitting across from Jace. 

“Is everything okay?” Alec asked carefully. 

Jace dropped his fork down onto his plate. “I’m fine,” he said stiffly. 

Alec said nothing, simply raising an eyebrow. 

Jace sighed. “I just feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions. I’ve been reading those journals that Clary and I found in Valentine’s cabin. I thought that it would maybe give me a sense of closure or something, but it’s just making me feel worse, really. And I have no idea where Clary and I stand right now. And I know I say I don’t care about Simon but you didn’t see his face in the Seelie Court. And Izzy is majorly on edge right now since things are so tense with Mom and Dad, and with training Max. And I’m worried about you.” 

Alec was quiet for a moment, trying to take in everything Jace had said. “Okay, so the journals. They also talk about Clary’s brother, right? And apparently he’s still alive?” 

Jace hesitated before realizing Alec was attempting to work through his problems one by one. “Yeah. When we were in Idris, Clary said Ithuriel told her that Jonathan was alive. She thought he meant me, but now she thinks he meant her brother.” 

Alec nodded slowly. “I think that’s a lead we should follow up on. Do you think that maybe pursuing that would help you get some closure, or at least help take your mind off of things? I can make that a mission for you, if you think it would.” 

Jace blinked at him gratefully. “Yeah. Thanks.” 

“As for you and Clary,” Alec said, absentmindedly stirring his coffee, “what do _you_ feel for her?” 

“I care for her so much it hurts,” Jace whispered, and Alec was thrown off by the vulnerability. “When she was with Simon, I wasn’t going to interfere. I didn’t want to mess up their relationship. I thought I could move on from it, get over my feelings. But they never went away. The feelings were always there, just repressed. And now...it’s like they are in full force again.”

“Have you talked to her about it?” 

“I’ve tried,” Jace said. “But she always runs off or avoids me.” 

Alec looked down at his coffee for a moment, trying to think. “Well,” he said, looking back up at Jace. “I can’t exactly order her to hear you out. I mean, I could, but I think that would be abusing my power.” 

Jace smiled slightly. 

“But I think you’ll just have to keep trying to talk to her,” Alec continued. “But you can’t force her, either. I think she’s confused right now. Emotions and feelings are a big mess. She wasn’t lying with her relationship with Simon. She did feel something for him, at least I think she did, and you have to give her a chance to try to sort herself out. She’s confused.” 

“Well, you are the expert of confused feelings,” Jace said with a smirk. 

“Hey,” Alec said, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “I wasn’t confused, I was denying who I was. There’s a difference.” 

“Sure,” Jace said, fondly rolling his eyes. 

“Simon will be okay,” Alec said, deciding to change the subject. “It hurts now, but he’ll be okay.” 

Jace sighed, resting his chin on his fist. “I hope so.” 

“And so will Izzy,” Alec added. “I’ll talk with her later to make sure her workload isn’t overwhelming her. Mom and Dad’s problems are not our problems, and I’m not going to let them dump them onto you, Izzy, or Max.” 

They fell into silence. Jace finally pushed the barely-eaten omelet away from him. 

“What about you?” he asked. 

Alec looked back down at his coffee. “I’m fine.” 

“Bullshit.” 

Alec looked up at Jace sharply. “I’m _fine_.” 

Jace held his ground. “Then we must have very different definitions of fine. You look dead on your feet, Alec. When is the last time you properly slept?” 

Alec stood, walking over to the counter and pouring himself another cup of coffee. “I have to go, I have a lot to do,” he said, walking toward the door. “And I’m fine.” 

Alec exited the kitchen quickly despite Jace’s protests and made his way toward his office. He shut the door behind him, leaning back against it for a moment as he held the handle of his coffee mug tightly. 

He was fine. 

He pushed off the door and made his way over to his desk, setting down his coffee and dropping into his chair. A stack of files sat to the side, waiting to be read. A tablet rest in front of him, blinking with notifications. He quickly unlocked it and did his best to go through his emails. Some were less important, and he moved them into a folder to read later. Others were more important, and he made sure to reply to them immediately. 

Alec saw an email from his father and hesitated to open it. He sighed, running a hand over his face before clicking on it. 

_Alec,_

_I will be arriving at the institute around noon. Be prepared to discuss what happened during the transportation of Valentine to Idris, and why the mission failed. I expect a full, detailed report by the time I arrive._

Alec groaned, dropping his head down onto the desk. Despite the coffee he had consumed, he could feel exhaustion creeping through his veins. The temptation to remain how he was and allow himself to nap grew stronger by the second. 

Someone cleared their throat. “Is this a bad time?” 

Alec’s head snapped up to see Sebastian hovering in the doorway, his hand still on the door handle. Alec blinked quickly, wiping at his eyes before signalling for Sebastian to step in. 

“No, it’s fine,” Alec said, gesturing for Sebastian to sit. “What’s up?” 

“Are you okay?” Sebastian asked as he sat. “You don’t look well.” 

“Just tired,” Alec said, trying his best to swallow down his exhaustion. “What can I do for you?” 

“I’ve been looking for more information on the mole,” Sebastian said. “I know that it seems like it was Duncan, but I have a feeling he wasn’t acting alone.” 

Alec nodded once. “What makes you say that?” 

“Jace said that Valentine left the cabin just before he and Clary arrived. Someone must have tipped him off, don’t you think?” Sebastian asked. 

Alec leaned back in his chair as he thought. “No one knew about that mission. Even I hadn’t approved it. They were supposed to be searching a part of New York.” 

“Well, someone must have found out,” Sebastian insisted. “Because there is no way that is a coincidence.” 

“Do you have any further leads?” Alec asked. 

“No,” Sebastian admitted with a sigh. “I’m trying to do this all on my own because I don’t know who else I can trust. I’d like to go see the cabin for myself. I want to see if there are any signs of how the mole and Valentine could have communicated.” 

“It could have been fire messages,” Alec said, raising an eyebrow. 

“I still think it’s worth looking into,” Sebastian argued, and Alec knew he was right. “Maybe there is something there we can use to track down the mole. Or even Valentine.” 

“I don’t want to send you, or anyone, to that cabin alone,” Alec said. “It’s too dangerous.” 

Sebastian nodded in agreement. He leaned forward. “Like I said, I haven’t mentioned this to anyone else into this, because I don’t know who I can trust.” 

Alec nodded, leaning back further in his chair as he thought. He couldn’t send Sebastian alone. Izzy was busy training Max, and Alec didn’t want to suspend that any further. Alec knew he could trust Jace, but he also knew that the cabin was probably the last place he wanted to see again. Clary was an option, but Alec couldn’t help but feel hesitant at the idea. He noticed the way Sebastian often looked at Clary, and maybe it was Alec being careful or maybe it was him being a good brother to Jace, but he didn’t like it. 

“I’m busy today,” Alec said, looking back at Sebastian. “My father is coming later as an envoy from the clave and I have a lot of things to plan for tonight since I am off. But you and I could go to the cabin in the morning. Do you think it could wait until then?” 

Sebastian appeared to hesitate before nodding slowly. There was something in his eyes that Alec couldn’t quite read, and Alec decided to keep a closer eye on him. Going on this mission with him would give him a chance to do just that. 

“Alright,” Alec said, adding it into his schedule on his tablet. “Be to my office by nine tomorrow morning.” 

Sebastian nodded before standing and making his way out of the office. Alec sighed, glancing at his computer screen, his eyes scanning over the message from his dad again. He rubbed his temples before letting out a another deep sigh and getting to work. 

-

Magnus smiled at the sound of the door unlocking. He peeked out of the living room to see Alec kicking off his boots. Magnus frowned when Alec paused after shutting the door, leaning back against it and closing his eyes. 

“Alexander?” Magnus said, stepping out of the living room and walking toward him. “Are you okay?” 

Alec opened his eyes and pushed off the door, walking toward him. “I’m okay,” he said, a small smile on his face. “Just a long day.” 

“What happened?” Magnus asked. 

Alec sighed. “The clave sent an envoy to investigate Valentine’s escape. The envoy was my dad, so I spent most of the afternoon listening to him rant in my office, partially about the failed mission and partially about him and my mom. And now that he has arrived, my mom is on the absolute warpath. She’s been trying to be better, but she’s so high strung with him around. She kind of exploded at me when she caught me getting into the cookies that Max has hidden in the kitchen. I had missed lunch and was just trying to get a snack before I had to go to a meeting, but according to her I was skipping out on my duties. I don’t even know, honestly. It was like I was twelve years old all over again. And -” Alec suddenly cut off, taking a step back and letting out a deep breath. “Actually, can we not talk about work? Can we talk about anything but work?” 

Magnus hesitated for a moment, attempting to take in everything Alec had said, before smiling. “Sure.” 

“So, what’s for dinner?” Alec asked eagerly, starting to walk toward the kitchen. 

Magnus’s smile widened. “I’m glad you asked. How does dinner in Paris sound?” 

Alec turned back toward him and furrowed his eyebrows. “Isn’t it nearly midnight there?” 

Magnus waved a hand dismissively. “I know a guy.” 

Alec slowly smiled, walking back up to Magnus and pulling him close. “Of course you do,” he murmured before attaching their lips.

-

Magnus loved the sound of Alec’s laughter. Not the quiet chuckles he let escape every now and then, but his true, genuine laughter. It was a rare sound, and it was one that Magnus would always cherish. In that moment, as they sat at a table on a balcony overlooking Paris, Alec was full on laughing. Magnus couldn’t help but smile widely despite the fact that Alec was laughing at him. 

Magnus had just finished telling Alec about one of his adventures in Peru, and Magnus was convinced that the stars in the sky didn’t shine half as bright as Alec’s eyes did. 

“I love you,” Magnus blurted out. 

Alec’s laughter died down, but a smile remained on his face. “I love you, too.” 

Magnus leaned forward, taking Alec’s hand in his. “I know things have been hard lately,” he said softly. “For both of us individually and for us together. And I know the world is a mess around us right now. But there is no one else who I would rather face this mess with than you.” 

Alec gave his hand a squeeze. He didn’t need to say anything more. Magnus had learned how to read Alec’s facial expressions. It was clear that Alec felt the same way, despite his lack of words. 

“How about we spend the night here?” Magnus offered. “When we wake in the morning, it’ll still be night back home. We can portal back and sleep some more, or get breakfast here and then I can portal you to the institute.” 

“Sounds perfect,” Alec said with an easy smile before taking another bite of his food. 

Magnus was happy to see that Alec had eaten nearly all of his food. He knew that Alec’s breakfast was typically a cup (or three) of coffee and that he was lucky if he had time to eat lunch. Magnus was about to start showing up at the institute just to make sure he ate. 

Alec set his fork down, gazing across the table at Magnus. There was something in his gaze that Magnus couldn’t quite read. 

“I know I’ve been worrying you,” Alec started, “and I’m sorry for that. The last thing I’ve ever wanted to do is be a burden -”

“Alexander,” Magnus cut in, “you will never be, and you have never been, a burden. I love you, and I care for you. I worry because I love you. I know you and I see the toll that recent events have taken on you. But while I do worry about you, I also believe in you. I know you are doing your best to fight for what is right. These cabinet meetings are just the start. And I know you are doing your best to be a good Head of the Institute. Alec, there is no one better for that role than you.” 

A hint of a blush spread across Alec’s cheeks, and he looked down at the table. 

“I just don’t want to see you tear yourself apart trying to please everyone,” Magnus added gently, and Alec looked back up at him. “I know we’re at war and things are hard right now. I know you are trying to please your parents ridiculous standards and I know that you are trying to be there for Jace, Izzy, me, and even for Clary. I just don’t want you to spread yourself so thin that you forget to take care of you.”

“Same goes to you,” Alec said, looking at Magnus with an expression he couldn’t describe as nothing less than loving. “Between your clients and helping us - helping me, I don’t want you forgetting to take care of yourself, either.”

Magnus slowly smiled. “We’re both a couple of messes, aren’t we?” 

“For tonight, can we forget about everything else?” Alec asked suddenly, his tone soft. “Can we just be Alec and Magnus? Not the Head of the New York Institute and the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Can we just be us? No war, no responsibilities, none of that. Just us.” 

Warmth spread through Magnus, and he nodded. “I’d love that.” 

Alec broke out into a grin, and Magnus couldn't remember the last time he had felt so happy. The sound of soft piano reached his ears, and he glanced inside to see their waitress standing beside the stereo, smiling out the window at them knowingly. 

Magnus stood, walking to Alec’s side of the table and extending his hand. Alec looked up at him, furrowing his eyebrows. Magnus said nothing, simply raising his eyebrows expectantly. 

“You know I can’t dance,” Alec whispered, taking Magnus’s hand nonetheless and allowing him to pull him to his feet. 

“It’s just you and me here, Alexander,” Magnus murmured as he placed his other hand on Alec’s hip and tilted his head back to look at him. 

They fell into an easy swaying motion, too content within each other's arms to truly care about anything else. 

Magnus never thought he would find a love like this. He had been in love plenty of times before, but never anything like this. Nothing came close to how he felt for Alec. No one made him feel the way that Alec did. And as they swayed together, Alec’s lips hovering near the side of Magnus’s temple, occasionally kissing his hair, Magnus knew that he would never find a love like this again.

Alexander Lightwood was it. He was the love of Magnus’s life.


	2. They Can't See The Battles In My Heart

“There are two types of pain, the kind that hurts you and the kind that changes you.”

-

Alec slowly opened his eyes, and for the first time in a long time they didn’t want to immediately close again due to exhaustion. Bright sunlight streamed in through the windows of Magnus’s flat in Paris, illuminating the room in a soft glow. Alec could hear Magnus’s deep breaths, signalling that he was still asleep.

Careful not to disturb Magnus, Alec rolled over so that they were facing each other. Magnus’s features were soft, his usual worried crinkle between his eyes gone and his lips turned upward in a soft smile. He was completely buried in the blankets, only visible from the chin up.

Alec glanced at the clock on the nightstand behind Magnus, and saw that it read eleven a.m. Which meant it was six a.m. back in New York. Alec blinked in surprise. After dinner, Alec and Magnus had returned to Magnus’s flat and immediately gone to sleep. It had been about eight p.m. New York time, which meant Alec had slept for ten hours. That was more than he had gotten in the past three nights combined.

Magnus shifted in his sleep, and Alec smiled softly. Letting out a soft sigh, Magnus slowly opened his eyes.

“Morning,” Alec said, stretching forward to kiss Magnus’s forehead.

Magnus blinked a few more times. “What time is it?”

“Eleven,” Alec said. “Well, six back in New York.”

Magnus’s eyes widened slightly. “Have you been awake long?”

Alec shook his head, the corners of his mouth pulling up further. “No, I just woke up.”

“If I would have known whisking you away to Paris would get you to actually sleep, I would have done it weeks ago,” Magnus said with a small smirk. He leaned up on his elbow, grabbing behind Alec’s head and guiding their lips together.

Alec let himself get lost in the kiss. Magnus was a part of his life that he never thought he would have. For so long, Alec had been lost. He had pushed the feelings down, trying his best to be what everyone else wanted him to be. A perfect soldier. But Magnus had taught him that he was more than that.

It was still a learning process, and Alec had the tendency to slip into his old habits. Overworking himself the past few weeks was a clear example of that. He was trying to do better, for his own sake, but mostly for Magnus.

Alec couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with Magnus, there were too many little moments to truly pick just one, but he would always remember the day he realized. When he thought he had lost Magnus...the idea of it was still so unbearable.

Whenever Alec got lost in his thoughts, Magnus was always there to pull him out. Even if Magnus wasn’t physically with him, one phone call was usually all it took to soothe Alec’s worries. Alec knew he could always count on Magnus, in more ways than one.

Magnus pulled away, smiling lovingly at Alec. “As much as I would like to keep this going, you’re due at the institute soon.”

Alec sighed, giving Magnus one last kiss before dragging himself to his feet. He took a quick shower, smiling when he noticed that Magnus had conjured up some clothes for him. He dried off before changing into the black jeans, blue shirt, and black jacket. When he stepped out of the bathroom, Magnus was on the phone, pacing back and forth in the room.

Alec took a moment to observe him as he pulled on his boots. Even doing something so simple, Magnus was beautiful. The sunlight streaming through the windows danced across Magnus’s golden skin, illuminating him even more than his already natural glow. His eyes shown with wisdom and a hint of mischief, something Alec had come to absolutely adore. Alec was head over heels in love with Magnus. There was no denying it, not that he would ever want to.

Magnus was the one and only for Alec. No one would ever compare, and Alec wasn’t sure he could imagine his life without him.

Magnus noticed him hovering, ending the call and walking toward him. “Duty calls, I’m afraid,” he said as he reached him. “I don’t think we can escape the real world anymore.”

Alec smiled faintly. “It was nice while it lasted.”

“Where should I portal you to?” Magnus asked. “Home, or the institute?”

“The institute,” Alec said. “I have some things to do before I leave to Idris with Sebastian.”

Magnus paused. “Sebastian? That blonde kid that helped Izzy?”

Alec nodded, making sure he had his stele and running his hands through his hair in an attempt to tame it.

“I don’t trust that guy,” Magnus said, tone soft.

Alec raised an eyebrow at him.

Magnus sighed. “I just...I got a weird vibe from him when he was security during the first cabinet meeting. And I mean, this guy just shows up and saves Izzy? Seems kind of odd, doesn’t it?”

“I said the same thing when he first arrived,” Alec said, a small smile forming on his lips.

Magnus smiled in return. “Great minds think alike.”

“I don’t trust him completely either,” Alec added, his smile slipping. “Which is why I am going on this mission with him, not anyone else. I want to keep a close eye on him.”

Magnus hesitated before nodding, conjuring up a portal. “See you tonight?”

Alec stepped toward Magnus, kissing him for a moment before pulling back. “Yeah. I’m not sure what time, but I’ll do my best not to be too late.”

Alec closed his eyes as Magnus cupped his cheek, pressing his face into Magnus’s palm and welcoming the feeling of comfort that washed over him.

“Be careful,” Magnus whispered, a hint of urgency to his voice.

“Always am,” Alec said, reopening his eyes. He kissed Magnus one more time before turning and stepping through the portal.

As he stepped through into the main room of the institute, he smiled to find it nearly empty other than a few shadowhunters returning from patrol or monitoring the screens. The two returning from patrol offered him a nod as they made their way toward the weapons room.

Alec made his way into the kitchen, this time finding Clary seated at the table instead of Jace. She looked exhausted, much alike Alec was sure he had looked the day before. She had a haunted expression on her face, as if she had seen something terrifying and was trying to figure it out.

She looked up as he entered, her haunted expression deepening. Alec raised an eyebrow at her before making his way toward the coffee machine. He and Clary were on better terms than when she had first arrived, that was for sure. But he wasn't exactly sure where they stood, and attempting to comfort people he wasn't particularly close with wasn't exactly his specialty.

He poured coffee into a mug, not adding any sugar or cream. He turned around, leaning back against the counter. Clary’s eyes were still on him, and her food sat untouched in front of him.

“Alright,” Alec said, setting his mug down on the counter and crossing his arms over his chest, “do I have something on my face?”

Clary dropped her gaze and fidgeted in her seat. Alec bit back a groan as he grabbed his coffee, praying he wouldn't regret the conversation that was about to happen, and walked toward the table. He dropped down into the seat across from her, cupping his mug between his hands as if it was his lifeline.

“I have about ten minutes until I need to be in my office,” Alec said, “and I'm not exactly good with conversations, so let's make this quick…what's wrong?”

A faint smile drifted across Clary’s lips. “You're not as bad with people as you think, you know. And I know that deep down, way, way deep down, you’re totally soft.”

Alec scoffed. “I'm a soldier. You have no idea what you're talking about.”

A smile tugged at his lips, and Clary softly chuckled.

“You're down to five minutes,” Alec warned.

The smile slipped off Clary’s face and she sighed. “I've been having these weird dreams. They are always a bit different, but Ithuriel is there every time. I think…I think he's trying to warn me about something. I just can't figure out what.”

Alec furrowed his eyebrows as he thought. “There's no other constants? Nothing that sticks out to you?”

Clary seemed to think for a moment before sighing and shaking her head in frustration. “No. I can barely even understand what Ithuriel is saying. This time, all I managed to catch was something about danger and...a chosen son? It's like a bunch of fragments jumbled in my head. But I always wake up terrified. Consumed with a skin-deep, bone-chilling fear. I have...I have a really bad feeling about this. I think something bad is going to happen.”

Alec bit down his own fear, knowing that it wouldn't do him any good. “We’re on the brink of war, something bad has been bound to happen for quite a while. As much as I hate it, it's only a matter of time. That's why we train, that's why we prepare, and that's why we are doing everything that we can to catch Valentine.”

After a moment, Clary nodded.

“I know a lot of this is still new to you,” Alec added. “And I know I've been particularly hard on you. It's because of the same fear that you feel now. I've felt it. I still feel it. The idea of anything bad happening to someone I love...it strikes me to the core. But we’re shadowhunters. We're soldiers. And so are you. We’ll fight whatever is coming...and I'm happy to know you'll also be at our sides. You still have things to learn, but you're improving everyday.”

Clary slowly smiled. “Wow. Did you just compliment me? I wish I had recorded that.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Don't get used to it.”

Clary continued to smile at him.

“As for these dreams...I’m not sure what they could mean,” Alec continued. “Prophetic dreams aren’t exactly unheard of, but they aren’t really common either. The chosen son could be referring to Jace or your brother, I guess. As long as Valentine is still alive, I think they are both in danger.”

“Jace wants to kill my brother,” Clary said softly, a hint of tears in her eyes.

“Can you really blame him?” Alec retorted, but kept his voice kind. “He is clearly after the mortal mirror, and we don’t know what extent he’ll go through to get it. I get that he’s your family and you want to give him a chance. But you don’t actually know him, Clary. He might be misguided and acting against his will, or...or he might be willingly working with Valentine. We don’t know. And we can’t afford to take too many risks right now.”

“What if he is good?” Clary said, a hint of desperation in her voice. “What if he is being forced to do these things?”

“Then...we cross that bridge when we get there,” Alec said. “I’m not sure if we’ll truly know until the moment comes.”

Clary wiped at her eyes. “He’s the only family I have left.”

“Family doesn’t just mean blood,” Alec said softly. “You have Luke. And Simon. And you have...you have us, too.”

“Thank you,” Clary forced out, wiping at her eyes again and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “For listening. And...and well for everything else.”

Alec nodded, taking a sip of his coffee.

She studied him for a moment. “You look...rested. Did Magnus give you a sleeping potion or something?”

Alec resisted the urge to roll his eyes again and shook his head. “No. Magnus and I were asleep by like eight last night. I don't remember the last time I slept for more than three hours.”

Clary crinkled her nose, but there was a smile on her face. “You guys are such a married couple.”

That time, Alec did roll his eyes. He pushed away from the table, grabbing his coffee and making his way out of the kitchen. He stepped into his office to find his mother standing near the window, gazing out.

For a split second, Alec wondered if he could manage to turn around and leave without her noticing. But then he knew he was being irrational and stepped further inside, walking toward his desk. At the sound of his footsteps, she turned around to look at him.

“You’re late,” she said, her gaze hard. Her hair was pulled back into a tight, low ponytail and she was dressed in a navy blue dress.

Alec glanced over at the clock on his fireplace mantle to read that it was five minutes past seven.

“I got caught up discussing some things with Clary,” he said as he sat in his chair.

“Really?” she said sharply. “Are you sure you didn’t get caught up with that warlock of yours?”

Alec closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment as he let out a sigh, before turning to look at her. “I thought we were past this?”

“I understand that you love him,” Maryse said, taking a step forward. “Well, I’m trying to. But you’re head of the institute now, Alec. You have a lot of responsibility, and you can’t let anything get in the way of that. People’s lives are in your hands. Your duty as a shadowhunter must come first, before _anything_ else. Even Magnus.”

“I’m doing the best that I can -”

“Well it’s not good enough,” Maryse cut in, and Alec felt like he had been punched in the gut.

He had heard those words from her mouth time and time again. He was never quite good enough, never reaching her standards. As a kid, he had trained so hard to be the perfect soldier. To be the best archer he could be and to prove himself. But it was never enough. He was never enough.

And it hurt. It hurt to know that in the eyes of his parents, he was never good enough. They threw so much at him, expecting him to be able to handle it all. It felt like more weight was constantly being added to his shoulders, and he wasn’t sure how much more he could handle before he was crushed beneath it all.

“I need you to try harder,” Maryse continued. “I know you’re trying. I see it, and I’m proud of you for being where you are. But -”

“But it’s not enough,” Alec said, voice strained.

Maryse nodded, either unaware of the pain that was coursing through Alec or not caring about it at all. There was a knock on the door, and then Robert appeared. Maryse’s eyes turned cold, and her posture stiffened. Robert closed the door behind him, stepping further into the office.

“Where were you last night?” he asked, directing the question at Alec.

Alec hesitated, feeling as though he was frozen beneath their icy stares. “With Magnus,” he finally said. “It was my night off.”

“We’re at the brink of war,” Maryse said coldly. “The head of the institute does not take a night off. You should have been here. What is something had happened?”

“Then I would have only been a portal away,” Alec argued.

“You can’t just abandon your duties, Alec,” Robert said.

Alec could feel his resolve slipping. “I take my job very seriously,” he said, attempting to keep his voice calm, but the more he talked, the more it escalated. “The head is not required to live at the institute. I made sure that everything was set for the night, and if there had been an emergency, I would have been here immediately. Patrols have been operating at a fifty percent better efficiency rate than before, even with the increased volume due to Valentine’s escape. Magnus has created new wards with the help of another warlock, doubling their strength. The downworlder cabinet meetings have been mostly successful, and we are in the works of forming a proper alliance. Heaven knows we need it if we have any chance of winning this war.”

Alec cut off, looking between the two of them. Maryse’s expression had shifted slightly, but Alec couldn’t quite read it. Robert remained nearly expressionless, his gaze hard and unforgiving - the way it always was for anyone other than Izzy.

“I’m doing the best that I can,” Alec said softly, hating the way his voice cracked. “I have done everything you have asked of me for as long as I can remember. I trained and I trained and I trained to try to meet your standards. When Jace or Izzy were better at something than me, I trained myself to be better. I never went out, I never did anything for myself. I chose the bow because I can protect Jace and Izzy with it. And now I’m head of the institute, like you’ve been training me to be. I...I don’t know what else you want from me. But I’m not going to apologize for being with Magnus. I love him, and he accepts me for who I am.”

Alec trailed off, offering them a small, defeated shrug. It was obvious that the battle with his parents was one he would never truly win. His mother opened her mouth to say something, but Alec held up a hand, stopping her.

“Please, just go,” he said, not making eye contact. “I have things I need to do.”

His mother spun on her heels and stormed out of the room. His father hesitated, lingering in the doorway. Alec looked up at him.

“We only want what is best for you, Alec,” he said before turning and walking out.

Alec dropped his face into his hands, letting out a deep sigh through his nose. And then he straightened in his chair, forcing himself to get to work. He busied his mind with going through emails, anything to keep his thoughts at bay.

When he was done with emails, he moved onto reports. Before he knew it, time had passed and he was broken from his routine by the sound of knocking on his door. He looked up as Sebastian stepped inside, dressed in hunting gear.

“Ready?” Sebastian asked, and Alec was caught off guard by the excitement in his tone.

“Yeah,” Alec said, pushing away from his desk. “Let me just grab my bow -”

Suddenly, Jace came bursting into the office, eyes wide with a hint of panic. “The Jade Wolf is under attack.”

“Attack by what?” Alec demanded, immediately slipping into battle mode.

“Circle members, demons, forsakens…Luke says they’ll be overrun soon.”

Alec thought for a moment before nodding once. “Contact Meliorn and make him aware of what is happening. We’re going to send a patrol of shadowhunters to help, maybe the seelies will come, too. Have Raphael notified as well, just so that he is aware of what is going on. I’ll call Magnus and gather the shadowhunters. I’ll lead the patrol. I want you to come as well. Meet in the main room in three minutes.”

Jace nodded and hurried off.

“What about Valentine’s cabin?” Sebastian demanded from where he stood behind Alec.

“That’s going to have to wait,” Alec said as he made his way out of the office, Sebastian on his heels. “We can’t sit back and do nothing while our allies are attacked.”

“Allies?” Sebastian repeated, something in his tone that had Alec pausing in his steps. “Are you so sure they would do the same for us?”

Alec turned to face him. “They would,” he said fiercely. “When the institute was attacked before, they came to help. Several of them lost their lives.”

He didn’t wait for Sebastian to respond, turning and making his way toward the main room. He called out orders, quickly making everyone aware of the situation and forming his patrol. Clary had a mixture of determination and fear on her face as she geared up. Jace and Izzy were both in battle mode, ready to go.

Alec watched as the other shadowhunters he had chosen geared up. He had been careful in his selection, making sure to both take and leave some of his strongest fighters. If there was an attack on the institute, Alec didn’t want to leave it defenseless.

He had also chosen to leave Sebastian at the institute, not liking the way he had reacted to the idea of sending a patrol to help Luke’s pack. Sebastian was watching them now, arms crossed over his chest and a look in his eyes that made the hair on the back of Alec’s neck stand on end. Alec made a mental note to look more into Sebastian when they got back.

Alec’s eyes found Jace and they shared a long look before Alec nodded once and led the way out of the institute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alec & Clary are my fav brotp. 
> 
> Sorry for any typos, my mind is racing in like a million different directions today and I can't quite focus!


	3. Death Tore The Pages All Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I want to apologize in the delay of updating. I know I'm usually much quicker, but things have been busy as heck the past few days. 
> 
> Second, I apologize for any possible grammar mistakes, etc. I've been dogsitting all weekend and apparently these dogs don't believe in letting me sleep.
> 
> Third, I just want to apologize in advance, because I'm pretty sure you're going to hate me after this chapter. *hides*

“Goodbyes hurt the most when the story was not finished.”

-

They were outnumbered.

When Alec had led them into the fight, Jace had felt nothing short of exhilaration. His blood had been pumping, his heart beating rapidly, as he charged into battle at his brother’s side.

But now, everywhere he looked was consumed in chaos.

All around him, people were locked in battle. Werewolves, shadowhunters, and seelies faced off against circle members, demons, and forsakens. Blood covered the pavement that stretched from the back of the Jade Wolf to the docks. The stench of death overwhelmed his senses.

Jace tried not to look at the bodies of those who had fallen and not gotten back up.

The warlocks hadn’t arrived yet, but Magnus said he was going to gather whoever he could to help. Jace prayed they would arrive soon; they needed all the help they could get.

Jace had lost Alec in the thick of the battle. He could see Clary’s fiery hair as she and Izzy fought side by side, a fierce combination of determination and Izzy’s whip. Simon wasn’t far off, a blur of movement as he fought alongside Maia. But no matter where he looked, he couldn’t spot his parabatai. The connection through their bond was the only way he knew Alec was still alive.

Jace glanced toward the sky, where the sun was slowly setting. Never in his life before that moment had he wanted a sunset to end quickly. They needed the help of the vampires.

A demon lunged at him, but Jace disposed of it quickly by driving his blade through its back. Suddenly, a cry of pain erupted across the parking lot. Jace froze in his actions of pulling his blade from the demon, his blood going cold at the familiarity of the voice.

Jace forced himself into motion, turning toward the direction the cry had come from. Maia was on the pavement, clutching her side, her facial features twisted in pain. Most of the werewolves had shifted into their wolf form to fight, but Maia hadn’t. Simon stood over her protectively, killing the demon that had attacked her with a slightly panicked expression on his face.

Jace moved to head toward them when another voice caught his attention.

“Jace, look out!”

Jace heard the growl of a demon from behind him at the same time he heard the sound of something whizzing through the air over his head. He spun, facing the demon that now had an arrow sticking out of its side. He finished it off with a single blow, watching as it evaporated into nothing.

Looking up, he spotted Alec standing on the roof of the Jade Wolf, firing arrow after arrow in the battle with astounding precision. Jace gave him a thumbs up to signal his thanks, and even though he couldn’t tell for sure, he could picture Alec rolling his eyes in response.

Jace moved to rejoin the fight, but stopped when something else on the roof caught his attention. A large forsaken had managed to climb up there and was heading straight toward Alec, who was distracted focusing on covering for other people.

Just as Jace opened his mouth to call out a warning, Alec noticed the forsaken. The forsaken appeared to be holding a long rod of metal, most likely from one of the shipping crates that were stacked up behind the Jade Wolf. It swung wildly, and Alec barely managed to avoid getting hit, firing an arrow as he ducked. The forsaken let out a roar of rage as the arrow lodged in its shoulder.

Jace began to move forward, attempting to fight his way through the battle to get to Alec. He killed a demon that crossed his path and then risked a glance toward the roof again. Jace’s stomach dropped as he watched the forsaken swing again, this time hitting his target.

The metal rod connected with the back of Alec’s head with a force hard enough to send Alec jerking forward. Alec swayed, his bow slipping from his fingers and falling off the roof. The forsaken swung its other fist, hitting Alec in the side. Alec was knocked down to the floor of the rooftop, disappearing from Jace’s sight.

A sudden blast of magic blocked his view as Magnus appeared, killing a small demon that Jace hadn’t even noticed had latched onto his leg. Jace stared down at his leg, blinking a few times.

“Are you alright?” Magnus demanded, looking Jace over.

His eyes froze and Jace followed his gaze to realize that Magnus was staring at where Jace’s hand was hovering over his parabatai rune. He hadn’t even noticed that he was doing it.

“Where’s Alec?” Magnus said tightly, a hint of fear evident in his eyes.

Jace didn’t reply, suddenly very aware of an intense burning sensation coming from his parabatai rune.

“Jace,” Magnus said, grabbing onto his shoulder. “ _Where’s Alec?"_

-

Alec blinked rapidly, trying to clear the blurriness in his vision. His head was pounding and he was very aware of the blood that was matted in his hair on the back of his head. His left side ached fiercely, and he was pretty sure several of his ribs were broken.

His vision cleared just in time to see the forsaken raising the metal rod to strike again. Alec rolled out of the way just in time, a cry of pain escaping his lips as he put pressure on his broken ribs. He coughed, spitting blood out onto the rooftop.

He attempted to crawl away, trying to put some distance between himself and the forsaken. The forsaken latched onto his ankle, digging its nails in and dragging him back. Alec gritted his teeth as his palms scraped against the rough surface of the rooftop.

The forsaken lifted him into the air, dangling him for a moment before throwing him toward the edge of the roof. Alec rolled a few times, skidding to a halt just a few feet from the edge. He gasped in air, attempting to breathe through the pain, as he lay on his side.

“The great Alec Lightwood,” a voice drawled, and Alec was suddenly aware of another presence on the rooftop.

Alec lifted his head to see Sebastian sauntering toward him. His stride was casual and relaxed, as if a battle wasn’t raging on below them. He knelt down beside Alec, tilting his head to the side as he observed him.

“I didn’t want it to happen like this,” Sebastian said, his voice full of mock sincerity. “I really didn’t. But you were doing a little too good of a job uniting with the downworld, and of discovering me. I was going to do this quietly, in the cabin in Idris. But then I thought, what better symbol of war is there other than to kill the beloved leader?”

-

Jace and Magnus fought with a mixture of ferocity and desperation as they fought their way toward the Jade Wolf. They needed to get to the roof, and they needed to get there quickly. Jace was very aware of Alec’s pain through the bond, but he was also aware of Alec’s emotions, which felt heavy with anger and fear.

A scream echoed across the lot and Jace’s head snapped in its direction to see Izzy staring at the roof in horror.

Alec was being held over the edge by the forsaken. A figure stood at their side, and Jace felt his blood begin to boil at the sight of Sebastian, who wore a smirk on his face.

The forsaken was holding onto the collar of Alec’s jacket. Alec grabbed weakly at its wrist, attempting to kick at the forsaken. But his movements were weak and sluggish. Jace could feel his energy draining.

And then the forsaken let go.

All the air left Jace’s body as he watched Alec drop. Magnus moved to catch him with his magic, but was stopped by a circle member lunging at him. Alec landed on top of a shipping crate, the boom from the impact echoing across the lot. Jace held his breath, clutching at his parabatai rune, only gasping in relief when he saw Alec move.

Magnus obliterated the circle member and then he and Jace resumed their fight to try to reach Alec. Sebastian dropped onto the shipping crate that Alec had landed on. Jace watched as he rolled Alec onto his back, placing his foot on his stomach to hold him down.

The shipping crate was so close. Just a few more steps and Jace would be able to reach it. Magnus was just behind him, growling in frustration and desperation at every demon that blocked their path.

“Consider this a warning!” Sebastian shouted, his voice ringing out across the lot as he pulled out a seraph blade. “Join Valentine’s mission, or pay the consequences.”

Jace, Magnus, Izzy, Clary, and Meliorn were all fighting their way toward the crate. Sebastian looked up, smiling wickedly at Jace as he raised the blade above his head. He looked back down at Alec, and in one swift movement, plunged the blade into his chest.

Jace screamed as pure agony tore through his body. He fell to his knees, unable to remain standing. He clutched at his parabatai rune, pulling back his hand to see his trembling fingers covered in blood. Through vision blurred by tears, he looked up to watch as Sebastian pulled the blade out of Alec’s chest.

Sebastian grinned maniacally, wiping the blade on his jeans. “Alec Lightwood is dead!” he called out, the cry echoing across the lot.

The remaining circle members, demons, and forsakens cheered, and dread filled Jace as he realized this had been Sebastian’s goal the entire time. To take out their leader, to cut the ground right out from underneath them.

With a sudden snap, Jace felt the bond break. He choked out a sob, curling in on himself. He was aware of Magnus standing over him protectively, sending out blasts of magic in every direction.

“You’re a fool not to follow our father, Clary,” Sebastian said, and Jace heard Clary gasp at the realization.

Sebastian - Jonathan - had been under their noses the entire time. They had _trusted_ him.

Sebastian hopped down from the shipping crate, fleeing the scene. The remaining circle members, demons, and forsakens quickly followed, and the area fell into silence other than the sounds of Jace’s cries of agony.

His cries ripped through the silence, chilling everyone to the core. He crawled forward desperately, dragging himself up onto the shipping crate. Alec still lay on his back, his lifeless eyes staring up at the sky.

“No,” Jace gasped out in pain, his voice trembling. “Alec, _no_.”

Magnus was on his knees at Alec’s side, trying to heal him. But Jace knew that it was no use. Alec was gone. He was _dead_.

“Magnus,” he rasped.

“No,” Magnus said tightly, voice shaking with emotion. “ _No_.”

Alec’s lips were tinted a dark red, and smears of blood ran down his neck from the wound on the back of his head. His chest was covered with blood and a pool had begun to gather beneath him. Sebastian had stabbed him right through the heart.

Colors from the sunset washed over his body, his skin shaded with hues of pink, purple, and gold, illuminating him as if he was an angel. Jace couldn’t help but think how horribly ironic it was.

“No,” Magnus said again, this time more desperately. The magic coming from his hands dwindled to a halt, and he dropped his hands into his lap as he stared at Alec. With a shaking hand, he reached forward and gently closed Alec’s eyes.

Jace continued to tremble and whimpers of pain escaped his lips. He lay down beside Alec, not caring about the blood, and placed his head on Alec’s shoulder as sobs overtook him.

“Please,” he gasped out, voice barely above a whisper. “Don’t leave me, Alec.”

He would never be able to describe the pain that consumed him. He felt ice cold and as if he was on fire at the same time. There was a gaping hole where Alec’s presence used to be, and Jace knew he would never feel the same again.

Death was an inevitable part of being a shadowhunter. But Jace had never imagined that Alec would be the first of them to go. To be honest, he always thought it would be himself. He was the reckless one.

A sob escaped Magnus’s lips, and Jace blinked up at him. Magnus was now holding one of Alec’s hands to his chest as he cried silently. Another warlock with dark skin sat beside him, holding him tightly. Jace hadn’t even heard her climb up.

He heard a scuffling sound and sat up to see Izzy climbing onto the shipping crate. Her makeup was smeared down her face and her hair was a tangled mess. She choked out a sob at the sight of Alec, covering her mouth with her hand. And then she crawled over to Jace, burrowing into his side and holding him tightly as she cried.

Jace wrapped his arms around her as she bent over Alec’s body, her forehead resting where Jace’s head had been moments before, a cry of anguish escaping her lips. Jace held her tighter as the pain from the broken bond faded into a heavy, vast feeling of emptiness within him.

No one should have to endure the pain of losing someone, especially when the person had so much life left to live. For so long, Alec had been a shell, walking among the shadows and concealing his happiness for the benefit of others. But lately, he had been living for himself. He had accepted himself, and he had found love. And then just like that, it was over.

Jace wanted everything to stop. He wanted the emptiness that consumed him to be filled up, but only Alec could ever fill it. He wanted the pain that had exploded in his chest to cease, but he wasn’t sure if it ever would. It would always burn with the memory of his brother.

He was suddenly aware of someone else climbing onto the shipping crate. Luke. Luke’s eyes were filled with sadness as he shrugged his jacket off, covering Alec’s chest.

“I’ll help you get him down,” Luke said gently, giving Magnus’s shoulder a squeeze. He turned his gaze on Jace. “I’m going to pick him up, okay?”

Jace nodded, a choked cry leaving his lips as Luke lifted Alec’s lifeless body into his arms and leapt down from the crate. Jace forced himself to move, helping Izzy down and then Magnus, who seemed to be in a trance. The woman remained at his side, an arm tucked around his waist. Jace was pretty sure she was the only thing that was keeping Magnus standing.

The surviving shadowhunters began to make their way toward them, several of them staring at Alec’s body with anguish and disbelief. Then their gazes shifted to Jace, and he realized they were waiting for an order.

But Jace couldn’t bring himself to speak. He was not in a good state of mind. Surprisingly, it was Izzy who spoke up.

“Let’s prepare to transport the dead back to the institute,” she said, voice cracking slightly as she refused to look at Alec’s body in Luke’s arms. “You all fought bravely, as did they. They will be honored forever.”

She broke off at the last part, looking down.

“I’ll create you a portal,” the woman with Magnus said. “So that you may get them back quickly.”

“Thank you, Catarina,” Izzy forced out, and Jace finally realized who the woman was. He remembered Alec mentioning her once or twice.

“I can also help with the wounded,” Catarina added, and Izzy blinked at her gratefully.

Jace remained quiet, still unable to bring himself to speak. He didn’t even feel like he could move. He was suddenly aware of pain in his leg, and he looked down to see his jeans stained with blood. He blinked a few times, slowly remembering the demon that had bitten him earlier.

“Jace,” Clary said gently, suddenly appearing in front of him. “I’m - I’m _so_ sorry.”

He swayed where he stood, and she grabbed his shoulder quickly.

“Jace,” she said more urgently. “Are you hurt?”

Jace didn’t answer, the edge of his vision turning black as he felt himself slipping into unconsciousness. He found himself welcoming the darkness, wanting nothing more than to slip away and never wake up again.

Living was too painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peeks out from hiding spot* Please don't kill me? 
> 
> I leave for Europe on Wednesday and I can't promise an update before then. I'll be back on August 19th, and I apologize (man, I'm doing a lot of apologizing today lol) that there will be such a delay in updates again. 
> 
> Also, I know this chapter was very Jace-focused. The next chapter will focus more on Magnus and how he is dealing with what has happened.


	4. I Wear The Pain Like a Heavy Coat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!!
> 
> Sorry for such a delay on this update - I was in Europe for a few weeks and then some unexpected things happened when I got home. But I'm here now with this chapter and some new AU ideas...(;
> 
> The song lyrics italicized throughout this chapter are from the song "Sorrow" by Sleeping at Last
> 
> WARNING: Lots of sad/angst in this chapter.

“I think the hardest part of losing someone isn’t having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that’s left inside your heart when they go.” 

-

_It feels like falling. It feels like rain._

The soft buzzing of the overhead lights was the only sound in the institute infirmary. It was late, and all the beds were full of the wounded, all sleeping or quiet despite the pain that their bodies were enduring. None of their pain compared to the devastation that consumed Magnus to the core. 

He was seated beside Jace’s bed, still dressed in his clothes he had worn in the battle. Magnus couldn’t bring himself to change, the clothing now stiff with dried blood. Alec’s blood. _Alec._

Physically, Jace was going to be fine. But it’s crazy what loss can do to someone’s mind. Magnus would know. 

The death of a loved one was always a painful experience. As the years had passed, Magnus had loved and lost a lot. Friends, family...and it never became easier. Each one was just as painful as the last, and each one added a brick to the wall that Magnus had built around his heart. 

_Like losing my balance, again and again._

But out of all the loss Magnus had experienced, nothing felt quite like this. He felt as though he had been robbed. The limited time he had shared with Alec...he had taken those moments for granted. Because he had assumed there would be thousands more to come. 

Alec deserved more. He had deserved so much more than what life had given him. Alec had done nothing but give. He gave his parents his happiness, he gave his siblings his protection, and he gave Magnus his heart. And now Alec was gone, right when life was starting to give back to him. Right when he was starting to give to himself. 

Alec had started to take down the wall around Magnus’s heart. He had slowly and carefully began to remove each brick. With each one gone, Magnus had fallen more and more in love with Alec. 

And now he was gone. 

People always say that time heals everything, but Magnus knew this was not the case. Time would never fill the empty space within Magnus’s heart that had once been filled by Alec. Time would never erase the memory of the moment the life had left Alec’s eyes. Magnus would never be able to forget those horrible moments that had felt like hours as Alec had been killed right in front of him. Time would never be able to make that better. Time could never fix this. 

_It once was so easy; breathe in, breathe out._

There were many reasons why Magnus had closed his heart off for so long. He was so tired. So tired of being in a constant state of pain. One person can only handle so much loss before it becomes overwhelming. But the moment Magnus had laid eyes on Alec, the wall around his heart had shifted. The heart wants what it wants, and his heart had never wanted someone so strongly as it had wanted Alec. 

And despite the awful, horrible, gut wrenching tragedy that had followed, Magnus couldn’t bring himself to regret it. Not a single ounce of it. He would never regret loving Alec. He didn’t think he would ever stop loving Alec. The idea of not loving Alec was almost as painful as the pain that was currently ripping through Magnus’s entire being. 

Slow movement caught Magnus’s attention, pulling him from his thoughts. Jace was shifting beneath the thin blanket that covered him. His eyes were still shut, but his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion and pain. After a few moments, he slowly blinked his eyes open. 

Magnus waited for Jace to move more, but instead he went still as he stared at the infirmary ceiling. Magnus couldn’t bring himself to speak, watching as Jace blinked a few times before slowly reaching down to where his parabatai rune once was and squeezing his eyes shut again. 

“Please tell me it was a nightmare,” Jace whispered, his eyes still closed. 

Magnus bit down the sound of pain that threatened to leave his lips, bowing his head. 

“Magnus, _please_ ,” Jace begged. 

Magnus lifted his head to see Jace staring at him, eyes filled with unshed tears. “I wish - I wish I could,” Magnus forced out, tears filling his own eyes. “I wish more than anything that I could tell you that.” 

Jace stared at him for a few moments before a soft whine left his lips and he slowly curled in on himself, pulling the blanket tighter around him. Magnus hesitated before reaching forward and resting his shaking hand on Jace’s shoulder. Jace reached up, placing his hand over Magnus’s as he began to cry harder. 

“I’m so sorry,” Magnus choked out. 

“I don’t know how to live without him,” Jace croaked. 

_But at the foot of this mountain, I only see clouds._

Magnus remained silent. He knew there was nothing he could say that would bring Jace comfort. Not only had Magnus just lost the love of his life, Jace had lost his brother. The entire shadow world had lost that day. And it was a loss that had shaken everyone to their very core. 

The doors to the infirmary opened and Magnus looked behind him to see Clary walking toward them. She had been comforting Izzy while Magnus had stayed with Jace. Clary’s cheeks were flushed and her eyes were swollen and puffy. 

“She’s sleeping,” Clary said to him quietly before sitting on the edge of Jace’s bed. 

Jace shifted, curling in on himself more as he laid his head in Clary’s lap. Clary began to run her fingers gently through his hair. 

“I can take over here,” Clary said softly. “Catarina is waiting for you in the hallway.” 

Magnus was on autopilot as he stood. He began walking toward the doors, pausing in his steps when he heard Clary call after him. 

“Magnus?” she said. “Try to get some rest...okay?” 

Magnus forced himself to nod, looking over Jace one last time before turning away, adding the image of Jace curled up on the bed to the list of horrible images that would never leave his brain. 

Like Clary had said, Catarina was waiting for him when he stepped through the doors. She appeared as exhausted as he was, clearly drained from all the healing she had done in the past few hours. When her eyes fell on him, they filled with an emotion Magnus wasn’t ready to face. 

“Can we not talk about it?” Magnus said quietly, speaking before she could say anything. “Can we...can we just go back to the loft, and...I don’t know. All I know is the moment I say it out loud is the moment it becomes real. And I’m not ready to face that yet.” 

“Okay,” Catarina said as she nodded, and Magnus found himself being reminded why she was one of his greatest friends. She wrapped a gentle arm around his back, creating a portal with her free hand. “Let’s go.” 

_I feel out of focus. Or at least indisposed._

-

Magnus sat on the edge of his bed, one of Alec’s sweaters gripped tightly in his hands. He was meant to be changing, but the moment he had entered the loft, he had been overwhelmed by the presence of Alec. 

His extra bow leaning against the wall near the door. One of his many leather jackets thrown over the back of the couch. His favorite mug sitting on the counter. The many photographs that Magnus had placed around the loft. They were once such simple objects, but now they were painful reminders of everything that had been ripped away from him in a matter of seconds. 

“Magnus?” Catarina’s voice drifted from the other side of the closed bedroom door. “Can I come in?”

Magnus couldn’t bring himself to answer. He willed the door to open, squeezing his eyes shut as he heard Catarina walk into the room. He felt the bed dip as she sat beside him. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about it,” she said softly, “so you don’t have to say anything, okay? I just...I just want you to know that I’m so, so sorry. And that I am here for you. You were there for me during the most painful times of my life, and I intend to do the same for you. So whenever you are ready to talk, I’m here. I’ll always be here. I promise.” 

“Don’t promise that,” Magnus said, sharply inhaling. He opened his eyes and looked over at Catarina. “Don’t promise that you’ll always be here. Alec said that once, too. And so did Ragnor. And so many other people who I’ve loved. But they all leave me eventually. So don’t promise that. Because I don’t think I can handle any more broken promises.” 

“Oh, Magnus,” Catarina said, sounding breathless. Her eyes filled with tears and she wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. “Then let me promise this. I will never willingly leave you. As long as it is up to me, I will be here for you. I will support you. I will help you. And I will do whatever I can to help you through this. I love you.” 

“I love you, too, Cat,” Magnus whispered. “Thank you.” 

Catarina gave his shoulder a final squeeze and then stood, turning so that she was standing in front of where Magnus still sat on the edge of the bed. “Let’s get you changed,” she said gently. 

Magnus didn’t move, tightening his grip on Alec’s sweater. Catarina held in a sigh and walked over to the wardrobe, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. She turned back toward Magnus, and the moment his eyes landed on the clothes, a choked sob escaped his lips. 

“Those were Alexander’s,” he forced out, voice trembling. 

Catarina quickly turned back around to put them back into the wardrobe. “I’m sorry, where are your -”

“I want to wear them,” Magnus cut in. 

Catarina turned back toward him, blinking in surprise. “Are you sure?” 

Magnus nodded, forcing himself to stand. He snapped his fingers, and his bloody clothes were replaced with Alec’s sweatpants and shirt. He looked down at himself, rolling the sweatpants at the hips so they were adjusted to his height. The shirt clung tightly to his broad shoulders and arms, but still hung slightly below his waist. He sat back down onto the edge of the bed, grabbing onto Alec’s sweater again and curling on his side, clinging it to his chest. 

Catarina guided him further back into the bed, covering him with the duvet. He buried himself into the pillows, tears coming to his eyes at the overwhelming sense of Alexander that greeted him. He pulled the sweater up to his face, breathing in Alec’s sent as the tears began to run down his cheeks. He was aware of Catarina pressing a kiss to his forehead just before he allowed the darkness to consume him. 

_As this strange weather pattern inside me takes hold._

-

When Magnus woke, he was still clinging to Alec’s sweater. His eyes were crusty from dried tears, and his throat hurt from the sobs that had escaped his lips several times since Alec’s death. 

Magnus instantly shut his eyes again, wishing more than anything that he could wake up in a different world. In a world where there was no war. In a world where there was no more danger for everyone he loved. In a world where Alexander was still alive. 

Magnus didn’t want to live in this world anymore. 

The sound of the door creaking open caught his attention, and he opened his eyes to see Raphael standing in the doorway. Magnus sat up quickly, attempting to blink away his exhaustion. 

“What are you doing here?” Magnus demanded, going into work mode. “What’s happened now? What’s wrong?” 

Raphael held his hands up in peace, approaching Magnus like he was a scared animal. Maybe that’s what he looked like. 

“Nothing more has happened,” Raphael said gently. “I came as soon as I could after I heard the news.” 

Magnus tightened his grip on Alec’s sweater, but couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Raphael didn’t say anything more, sitting beside Magnus on the bed. Magnus could still remember the first time he had seen Raphael. He had been so scared and full of self-loathing at the realization of what he had become. 

It took a long time for Magnus to help him get past that. And Raphael knew it would take a long time for him to help Magnus get past this. 

Magnus could see the comfort in Raphael’s eyes, and the desperation to help. 

“I wish I could have been there,” Raphael whispered, eyes drifting down to Alec’s sweater in Magnus’s hands. “I wish more than anything that the vampires could have been there to help.” 

Magnus felt tears gathering in his eyes again, and blinked hard as he attempted to will them away. 

“What your shadowhunter did,” Raphael began before cutting off and scooting a little closer. “What _Alec_ did, bringing shadowhunters and downworlders together...it’s the bravest thing I’ve ever seen a shadowhunter do. We may not have always gotten along, but I will respect his memory forever. As will my clan.” 

“Thank you,” Magnus forced out. And then he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Raphael’s shoulder. 

Raphael pinched his lips together, wrapping an arm around Magnus and giving him a gentle squeeze. “I know nothing can ever replace him or make up for what has happened,” he said softly, but sternly, “but I will do everything I can to be here for you. You helped me through so much, Magnus. I don’t think I’d still be here without you. Now it’s my turn. Let me take care of you, okay? Let me do this.” 

Magnus nodded against Raphael’s shoulder as the tears ran freely down his cheeks. 

“Thank you,” he whispered again. 

_The dark clouds depart, and the damage is done._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me (or yell at me) on Twitter: @ReneeWritesx


	5. Alone Without You By My Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! Thank you for the absolutely lovely comments I've been receiving on this story. Brief warning before you start reading the chapter: it's very emotional and I apologize in advance for most likely making you all very sad again :')

“I guess Heaven was needing a hero. Somebody just like you, brave enough to stand up for what they believed in and follow it through. You’re such a part of who I am, but now that part will just be void. No matter how much I need you now, Heaven needed you more.” 

-

Jace walked down the halls of the institute, arms wrapped around himself. It was long past midnight, and the empty halls were a reflection of the emptiness he felt within himself. The hollow feeling that consumed him was the worst kind of pain he had ever felt. 

When he had been tortured by Valentine, that pain didn’t even begin to compare to how he felt now. Because then, he had hope. He had hope to see his family again, to see the people he loved again. But now, one person would always be missing. The most important person. The other half of his soul. 

He wasn’t sure how long he had been wandering the halls, or where exactly he had wandered to, but he paused in his steps when he noticed a light was on in one of the rooms further down the hall. His heart lurched when he realized it was Alec’s office. 

After standing frozen for a few moments, he forced himself to move forward. He peered inside to see Maryse sitting at Alec’s desk while Robert stood at the window, staring out it. Jace didn’t know what came over him, but he was suddenly filled with rage. 

He took a step inside the office, throwing the door open. Maryse and Robert looked at him, both clearly startled. 

“Jace -” Maryse began. 

“How dare you sit where he sat,” he forced out, hating the way his voice trembled as he gestured toward her. 

Maryse clamped her mouth shut. Robert said nothing, staring at Jace with an unreadable expression. 

“How can you even be in here?” Jace demanded, throwing his arms out as he looked around. His heart clenched tightly when he spotted Alec’s favorite leather jacket hanging over the back of a chair. He looked back toward them, voice raw and broken as he continued. “You may not be the reason he’s dead, but you are one of the reasons he felt a little dead on the inside.” 

“Excuse me?” Robert demanded, his face contorting furiously while Maryse remained quiet. “Alec was _my son_. I would never -” 

“He died thinking you hated him!” Jace shouted, tears welling up in his eyes. 

Maryse covered her mouth, choking back a sob. 

Jace’s voice shook as he continued. He couldn’t bring himself to stop. So many emotions were consuming him and he just needed to let them out. 

“He did everything for you, but you acted as though his efforts were worthless. You told him he was never good enough. No matter what he did, it was never enough for you. He tried, _so hard_ , to please you, and you were nothing but awful to him in return. You never saw the times Izzy and I had to be there for him when he felt like he was falling apart. You never saw the times I found him on the roof, shooting his bow until his fingers bled because he thought that maybe the pain in his hands would outweigh the pain your words caused. You never saw the amount of times that Izzy, Magnus, and I had to convince him that he was good enough. That he was more than enough. You never saw any of that because he hid it from you. Because he knew that you would call him weak or pathetic if you saw the way your words affected him.” 

Jace took a small step back, forcing himself to take a deep breath as he pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes in an attempt to stop his tears. But he knew there was no chance of stopping them. He pulled his hands away, looking back at Maryse and Robert. 

“I had to watch my brother die right in front of me,” Jace said, his voice cracking. “I felt his fear. I felt his pain. And I felt him die. I’ll never be able to forget that. I’ll never get that image out of my mind. And I’ll never be able to get rid of the agonizing pain that exists where his presence used to be.” 

Maryse was barely able to contain her sobs now, tears running down her cheeks. Robert remained expressionless, a mixture of emotions raging in his eyes. 

Jace straightened, wiping at his own tears angrily as he glared at them. “You never saw Alec for who he really was. Alec was the bravest person I knew. He was an incredible soldier. He was a dedicated shadowhunter. He was kind, and bluntly honest, and his soul was pure. He made mistakes, but he always had the best intentions. And he loved people unconditionally, no matter their flaws.” 

Jace cut off for a moment, looking down as he took a deep breath. And then he looked back up at Maryse and Robert. 

“I’ll never forget how horrible you were to him,” he said. “And I’ll never be able to forgive you for it.” 

Without another word, Jace turned and fled from the office. 

-

Magnus sat on his couch, wrapped in a blanket and staring blankly at the TV. He could hear the sound of Catarina in the kitchen as she made tea, choosing to make it the mundane way rather than conjuring some. It reminded Magnus so much of Alec, who almost always preferred to do things that way, and Magnus couldn’t help the small, sad smile that ghosted his lips at the thought. 

He suddenly felt a presence through his wards, and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He didn’t have time to think much of it before he heard knocking on the door. 

“I’ll get it,” Catarina said before he even had a chance to react. “I’ll see who it is and then send them away if it’s not important.” 

Magnus forced himself to nod, peering over the back of the couch to watch as she went to the door. The moment she pulled the door open, Magnus’s heart lurched as he recognized Jace standing on the other side. 

“Let him in,” Magnus said, and Catarina stepped aside. 

Jace was drenched from head to toe, clearly having walked to Magnus’s loft in the pouring rain. His eyes were red and puffy, and he looked like he was going to throw up at any moment. In his hands, he clutched Alec’s bow. 

“You look like a drowned cat,” Magnus said softly, surprising himself. 

A small smile drifted across Jace’s lips, but it was gone quickly and he looked down. “I couldn’t be in the institute any longer.” 

Magnus looked down at the bow in Jace’s hands. “Alexander said something similar to me once,” he said quietly. 

Jace didn't reply. With a snap of Magnus’s fingers, Jace’s clothes were dry. Magnus gestured for Jace to sit, and after a moment of brief hesitation he did, the bow still gripped tightly in his hands. 

Magnus studied Jace carefully. His grip on the bow was so tight, his knuckles were white. His hair was a mess, and he looked like he hadn’t slept for even a minute since he had woken in the infirmary the night before. His eyes remained downcast, and Magnus wasn’t sure what he would see in them if he could see them. 

Catarina quietly excused herself, disappearing into one of the spare rooms. 

Jace finally raised his head, looking over at Magnus. A tear escaped and he released the bow with one of his hands to wipe at it angrily. He took a deep breath, blinking a few times as he fought to control his emotions. And then he looked at Magnus with an expression so broken, Magnus wasn’t sure that any magic could fix it. 

“Everywhere I go is a reminder of him,” Jace said, voice hollow. “I - I keep looking for him, keep waiting for him to give me an order or to tell me to stop being stupid. But he’s not there. Alec has always been there. And - and I know it’s stupid, but I just feel so _angry_. And - and I can’t help but feel angry toward Alec. I know it’ wrong, and I know I shouldn’t, but - but he wasn’t supposed to _leave me_. Not now, not like this. He’s my brother. He’s my older brother. He’s supposed to be here to teach me life lessons, to look out for me, and to cover for me when I do stupid shit. And I’m supposed to drive him crazy, have his back, and support him no matter what. Because we’re brothers. That’s what brothers do. They don’t go and die on one another. They don’t -” 

Jace broke off, looking down at the bow in his hands as tears streamed down his face. He didn’t bother trying to wipe them away this time. 

Magnus was speechless. Right when he didn’t think his heart could hurt anymore, what remained of it shattered at the sight before him. He and Jace had never been particularly close, but Magnus had cared for him because Alec had cared for him. And Magnus would be lying to say that he hadn’t grown to think of Jace as a friend. 

Magnus moved closer to him, carefully reaching out and placing his hand over one of Jace’s, his fingertips brushing against the bow that he still held. “I’m not going to tell you that it will get better,” Magnus said softly, “because I can’t promise that it will. Not many people deserve to die, Jace, and Alexander definitely didn’t. He deserved many, many more years than what he got. Over time, the pain will become more bearable, but I think it will always kind of be there. If he was here, and you knew it was your last moments with him, what would you say?” 

Jace looked at him, his eyebrows furrowing. “What?” he croaked. 

“What would you say?” Magnus repeated. 

“I - I don’t…” Jace trailed off, pinching his lips together. 

Magnus gave his hand a gentle squeeze before taking a deep breath. “I...I would tell him that I love him. I mean, I know that he knew that, but I would have to say it to him at least one more time. And I would tell him that I am not sorry that I loved him. Because what we had was good. Everything has a price, and if I have to pay for being able to know him with a little bit of emptiness and a lot of pain, then fine. I would pay that price again and again. And I would tell him that I feel so privileged for having him in my life, no matter how brief our time together was.”

Jace was watching him intently, not even appearing to blink. His eyes were wide, and despite the tears in his eyes, there was a hint of a smile on his lips. 

“And I would tell him that I am so, so proud of him,” Magnus continued softly. “I would tell him that he was so amazing, and that I wish I had told him that more. I’d tell him that I wish we had more time together, and that I will miss him with every beat of my heart for the rest of my life, however long it may be. And...I’d tell him -” Magnus broke off for a moment, clutching his free hand to his chest as he choked back a sob. “I’d tell him that I understand that he has to go. I’ll never quite be able to accept it, but I understand it. And then I’d tell him that I love him one more time. And that I will continue to do so for as long as I live. And then even after that. That’s what I would tell him.” 

Magnus nodded to himself before slowly looking back at Jace. Jace sucked in a shaky breath. 

“He loved you, you know?” Jace said quietly, his voice trembling. “So much. More than I’ve ever seen him love anyone.” 

Magnus forced a tight smile as more tears appeared in his eyes. “Yeah. I know.” 

“I would tell him that he was my favorite person in the world,” Jace said suddenly, and he turned his hand around to give Magnus’s a squeeze. “I...I would tell him that I feel hopeless, and angry...and scared. And that I’m not alright. Because I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know how to live like this. I’d tell him that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I wasn’t always there for him like I should have been, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t quick enough.” 

Jace broke off, his lips trembling as he fought back the sobs that threatened to consume him, and looked down at the bow in his hands. 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t get to you in time. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you.” 

Jace cut off again, dropping the bow onto the floor and putting his face in his hands as sobs overtook him. Despite his own tears, Magnus wrapped his arms around Jace and held him tightly.

“I’d tell him that I’m going to look out for Izzy and Max,” Jace continued quietly, his voice cracking. “I’d tell him that he doesn’t need to worry about them anymore. And Clary, too. Because as much as Alec might act as though he doesn’t care, we all know he cared about her like another sister. And I’d tell him that I am going to do whatever I can to continue his legacy. He started something great with the Downworlder Cabinet, and I am _not_ going to let his progress die with him. But most importantly...I’d thank him for being my hero. Because he was, and always will be my hero. He will forever be the most important person in my life. Death can’t change that.” 

Magnus pulled back to look at Jace. “We’ll figure this out, okay?” he said quietly. “Right now, it hurts too much. But we’ll figure this out.” 

Jace nodded, wiping his tears away. He bent down, picking the bow back up. And then he extended it toward Magnus. 

“I want you to have this.” 

Magnus’s eyes flickered down to the bow and then back up at Jace, unable to look at the object for too long. The bow had been Alec’s favorite possession. 

“I...I don’t think -”

“He would have wanted you to have it,” Jace insisted. “I have his stele, and Izzy has his witchlight. When we were little and she would get scared, he would give it to her and tell her that it would protect her.”

Magnus hesitated for a moment before reaching forward, taking the bow in his trembling hands. The moment he took it in his hands, the moment his fingers wrapped around the delicate, yet powerful weapon, Magnus felt a surge of emotions overwhelm him. For some reason, holding Alec’s beloved weapon suddenly made everything feel that much more real. It _was_ real. Alec was dead. 

“Thank you,” Magnus forced himself to say, biting down the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him completely. He would let them rise to the surface later. 

Magnus ran his fingers over the delicate runes that were carved into the bow’s surface. Over the many years of his life, and through Alec, he had learned what most runes meant. He paused, furrowing his eyebrows when he saw one he didn’t recognize. 

“What does this rune mean?” he asked, showing it to Jace. 

Jace looked at it, narrowing his eyes as he tried to get a better look. “I don’t recognize it,” he said, voice laced with confusion. “And it looks new. See how all the others are much darker? This one is still lighter in color. Like it was done in the past twenty-four hours.” 

“Maybe Alec put it on before the battle?” Magnus offered. 

Jace shook his head. “No. There wasn’t enough time. Besides, he only puts on runes that enhance the bows ability. Like accuracy or balance. I know all of those runes, but I don’t recognize this one. I’ll look into it more.” 

Magnus nodded, still gazing at the rune. 

“The...the funeral is tomorrow,” Jace said quietly, and Magnus pulled his eyes away to look at him. “At dusk. Lydia has taken over as temporary head of the institute until they figure out what to do. She wanted me to an extend an invitation to you. You deserve to be there. To hell what Maryse and Robert think.” 

Magnus forced a tight smile. “I’ve been saying that for years.” 

Magnus felt a hint of satisfaction when Jace offered him a small smile in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me on twitter (@ReneeWritesx) or Tumblr (@lovelywritesx)


	6. Ave Atque Vale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kind comments you've been leaving on this story. And sorry for making so many of you cry. *smiles sheepishly*

“How lucky am I to have had something that makes saying goodbye so hard?” 

-

Izzy stood outside of Clary’s bedroom door, hesitating before knocking softly. After a few moments, she heard a scuffling sound and then Clary was there, pulling the door open. Her hair was a mess, tossed up into a bun, and her face was heavy with exhaustion. 

“Sorry, I know it’s late,” Izzy said quietly before cutting off and taking a deep breath. “I just...I guess -”

“Izzy,” Clary said gently, reaching forward and taking ahold of Izzy’s hand. “I don’t care what time it is - you can always come to me. For anything.” 

Izzy blinked hard, trying to control her emotions, and nodded once. Clary pulled the door open further, guiding Izzy inside. She turned a lamp on, encasing the room in a soft glow, before sitting on her bed and crossing her legs beneath her. Izzy followed, mimicking her position so that they were facing each other. 

The two of them were silent for several moments. Clary sighed softly, reaching forward and taking ahold of Izzy’s hand again. 

“Talk to me,” she said softly. 

“I can’t get Max’s cries out of my head,” Izzy said suddenly, squeezing her eyes shut as tears managed to break through, rolling down her cheeks. “W-when we got back from the battle...when he asked where Alec was...and then he saw him...” 

_Izzy felt numb as she stepped through the portal to the institute. Clary gave her shoulder a squeeze before hurrying after the shadowhunter that was carrying Jace’s limp body, disappearing in the direction of the infirmary._

_Maryse and Robert appeared, pausing for a moment as Jace was carried past them before turning toward Izzy. Max was with them, and at the sight of him it took everything within Izzy not to break down._

_“What’s wrong with Jace?” Maryse demanded when they reached her. “How badly is he injured?”_

_“He’ll be okay,” Izzy forced out. “He got bit by a demon, but he’ll...he’ll be okay.”_

_“Where’s Alec?”_

_Izzy stiffened, her gaze sliding from her mother’s worried face to Max’s. Max was looking up at her with a serious expression, a hint of worry laced in his innocent eyes. Izzy sucked in a shaky breath, lowering herself down so that she was eye level with Max._

_“Max...” she said, her voice trembling._

_Maryse gasped suddenly, a hand coming up to her mouth. Izzy’s eyes flickered up at her to see that Maryse was looking past Izzy. Izzy turned to see that Luke had entered through a portal with Magnus. Alec’s limp body hung in his arms, the wound on his chest still covered by Luke’s jacket._

_Maryse grabbed Max’s shoulders, turning him away and holding him against her before he could see._

_“What happened?” Maryse choked out._

_Izzy stood back up straight, swallowing thickly. “It was Sebastian. He...I trusted him. I brought him here. I -”_

_Izzy cut off, wrapping her arms around herself as a sob escaped her lips. Robert stepped forward, pulling her into his arms. She collapsed against him, burying her face into his shoulder as the sobs took over._

_“No!” Max suddenly shouted._

_Izzy pulled back, wiping desperately at her eyes, to see Max fighting his way out of Maryse’s grip. He managed to escape, running over to where Luke had laid Alec on a rolling stretcher that Magnus had conjured up._

_“What’s wrong with him?” Max demanded, voice thick as he gripped the side of the bed tightly. He looked up at Magnus and Luke, clearly demanding answers._

_Magnus’s head hung low as he ran his fingers through Alec’s hair from where he stood on the other side of the bed. After a moment, Luke sighed and crouched down in front of Max._

_“I’m sorry, Max,” Luke said softly. “Alec fought brilliantly. He was a hero.”_

_Max stared at Luke with wide eyes for a moment before spinning to look at Magnus. “Why aren’t you healing him?” he demanded, voice rising in desperation. “Do something! Please! You have to do something!”_

_Izzy watched as Magnus walked around the bed and dropped to his knees in front of Max._

_“I tried, Max,” he said brokenly. “I’m so sorry. I tried.”_

_Max crumbled, collapsing into Magnus’s arms as sobs overtook his smaller frame. Magnus held him tightly, burying his face in Max’s hair and squeezing his eyes shut, repeating the words “I’m sorry” over and over._

_Izzy’s heart shattered._

Izzy swallowed thickly, wiping at her eyes. Clary gave her hand a squeeze. 

“Izzy, I’m so sorry,” Clary said softly. “I wish...I wish I could do something, _anything_ , to change what happened.” 

“How do you do it?”

Clary tilted her head to the side, eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Do what?” 

“How...how do you get through the day without falling apart? How do you wake up, knowing that everything is different now? You...you lost your mom, Clary. But you continue to fight everyday and you - you keep moving forward. How do you do it?”

Tears welled up in Clary’s eyes, and she blinked a few times to fight them back. 

“Izzy,” she said, voice soft and thick with emotion, “there’s no manual for this. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with grief. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss my mom. But as each day passes, the pain lessens a little. I don’t think it’ll ever be completely gone. Because I’ll never stop loving her, and I’ll never stop missing her. But it became bearable. And it will, eventually, become bearable for you, too.” 

“You promise?” Izzy whispered. 

“I promise that I’m going to be here whenever you need me,” Clary said fiercely. “I don’t care what time it is, or how often you need me, I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right by your side tomorrow, okay?” 

Izzy leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Clary. “Thank you.”

-

Magnus stared up at the bleak exterior walls of the institute, unable to will himself to walk inside. He had never been particularly fond of the institute. In fact, for a long time he had hated it. Everyone was always so demanding of him and he was always greeted with looks of distaste anytime he stepped through the doors. 

And then along came Alec. The day he had waltzed into Magnus’s life had changed everything, even a few narrow-minded shadowhunters. Recently, when Magnus had gone to the institute, he had been met with a much friendlier atmosphere - from most of the shadowhunters. And frankly, the rest didn't matter. 

But now, he knew what was waiting for him on the other side of those doors, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to face it. 

He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Luke and Simon making their way toward him. They were both dressed in white suits, and Magnus was happy to see that he wasn't the only one who had decided to follow the shadowhunter tradition. 

Simon offered him a small smile while Luke placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. The three of them stood in silence for several moments. It was no surprise when Simon was the one to break it. 

“I can totally hear Alec now,” Simon said. _“Who invited the vampire?”_

Luke smiled and after a moment, Magnus did, too. 

“Thank you for being here,” Magnus said, the small smile remaining on his face. “Both of you. It means a lot. To me. And even though I doubt he’d ever admit it, Alec would be happy to see you here, Simon.” 

Luke gave Magnus’s shoulder a squeeze, and then the three of them made their way inside together. 

It took about thirty seconds for Magnus to hate the color white. It was everywhere he looked, on every shadowhunter he passed. He knew it was their color of mourning, but that only made it worse. 

Luke led the way toward the room where the ceremony was being held. Many shadowhunters had died during the battle, and funerals had been going on nonstop. But Alec’s would be different. It would just be him, and Magnus stomach turned, knowing only a wall separated him and Alec’s body.

He turned away from the entrance, and his eyes fell on Izzy. She was standing beside Jace and Clary, dressed in a beautiful white dress. Her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, hanging down to her waist. Her expression was solemn, and she wore minimal makeup. Their eyes met, and she made her way toward him. 

“Magnus,” she breathed out when she reached him, pulling him in for a hug. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come.” 

Magnus smiled tiredly at her when she took a small step back. “I’ve seen a lot of scary things, Isabelle,” Magnus said. “Your parents don’t even compare.” 

“Good,” Izzy said with a stiff nod. She looked down for a moment before letting out a sigh and looking back at Magnus. “I’ve been meaning to thank you.” 

Magnus furrowed his eyebrows. “Thank me?”

Izzy nodded more surely this time. “Yes,” she said softly, but fiercely. “For saving my brother’s life. If it wasn’t for you, I think I would have lost Alec much sooner.” 

Magnus’s breath caught in his throat. 

Izzy sucked in a shaky breath before continuing, a hint of tears in her eyes. “Alec was the best big brother I could have asked for. He supported me unconditionally, and I always hoped that one day he would find someone to love him and care for him as much as he did for other people. Before you came along, I was watching him deteriorate right before me. He hated himself. He thought there was something wrong with him. But then you changed his life, Magnus. You made him feel whole. You made him feel like he was important, and like he mattered. You loved him heart and soul, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that.”

Magnus pulled her back into his arms, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to control his tears. When they separated, his hands lingered on her shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. 

“Your brother was an amazing person, Isabelle,” Magnus said softly, swallowing back tears. “I am thankful to have known him, no matter how short our time together was, and I am lucky, so lucky, to have been able to love him. Loving him was a privilege - one that does not come often, and the type of love I don't think I will ever experience again.” 

“He would want you to, you know?” Izzy said, tilting her head to the side slightly as she smiled despite the tears in her eyes. “He’d want you to love again. You deserve to be loved, Magnus. Alec loved you with every fiber of his being, like you loved him, and he'd want you to find that again. Eventually.” 

“Well,” Magnus said, breathing in a deep sigh. “I do have forever.” 

At that moment, Magnus wished he didn't have forever. Being immortal had its perks, but it also had many, many downfalls. And this was one of them. Losing someone you loved to something as simple as mortality. 

Alexander Lightwood had destroyed Magnus’s heart. And Magnus would have him destroy it a hundred times more if it meant he could see him again. 

-

The room was decorated beautifully. Flowers took up space in nearly every corner, overwhelming Magnus’s senses with their sweet smell. Nearly everyone from the institute was present, all dressed in white, all with grim expressions. 

Magnus stood with Luke, Simon, and Clary toward the front center of the crowd. Jace, Izzy, Max, Maryse, and Robert stood a few feet away from Alec’s body, which was covered in a white sheet with red rose petals scattered overtop. 

Lydia stood near them, but off to the side, a silent brother standing behind her. Her expression was unreadable, but there was no denying the pain within her eyes. For a brief moment, she locked gazes with Magnus. Her lip trembled, and he blinked at her. She closed her eyes for a moment, her shoulders rising as she took a deep breath. And then she turned to face the heartbroken Lightwoods. 

“Those remaining will take their place with the fallen,” she said. 

Izzy and Jace turned simultaneously to look at Magnus. Magnus felt rooted to where he stood. Max suddenly moved, turning and walking over to Magnus, extending his hand. Magnus swallowed thickly and accepted it, allowing Max to guide him over to stand beside Alec’s body. 

Lydia smiled faintly, her voice thick with held-back tears as she spoke again. “Those remaining will say the name of the fallen.”

“Alec Lightwood,” Jace said, voice surprisingly strong despite the devastation that clearly raged within him. 

“Ave atque vale,” everyone said in unison. “Hail and farewell.” 

Magnus followed the Lightwoods as they rejoined the crowd that had gathered. He stood at Luke’s side, who reached over and gave his shoulder a squeeze, leaving his hand there. Magnus let it anchor him to where he stood as he watched Lydia step forward to stand beside Alec’s covered body, her stele in her hand. 

She paused for a moment, and Magnus noticed the tremble in her hand as she extended it toward Alec. She touched her stele to his forehead, bowing her head as she did. And then she took a step back, raising her arms up toward the ceiling. 

Soft light began to rise from his body. The light wisped around slowly in the air, and Magnus couldn’t help but think that it was tragically beautiful. He watched as the light began to take a shape, and after a moment he realized it was the same rune that he had noticed on Alec’s bow.

Jace’s head snapped to the side, their gazes meeting as confused murmurs broke out throughout the room. 

Instead of continuing to the ceiling, the light went back down, lowering back into Alec’s body. Lydia stepped forward, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Magnus found himself walking forward before he even realized what he was doing. 

“Do you know what that rune meant?” Lydia asked him quietly when he reached her. 

“No,” he forced out, his eyes scanning over Alec’s face as he slowly pulled the sheet back. 

Magnus didn’t know what he hoped to see, but he felt disappointment swirling around in his stomach when he saw that there was nothing different about Alec. He was still dead. 

And then suddenly, movement caught Magnus’s attention. Alec’s chest was moving. With a trembling hand, he placed his fingers on Alec’s neck. He nearly sank to his knees when he felt a pulse. 

He looked at Lydia, eyes wide with unshed tears, and whispered, _“He’s alive.”_

At the same moment, Jace dropped to the ground, unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	7. Fate Changed Course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE! 
> 
> <3

“No amount of time and space can separate you from the people who are meant to be in your life. They will always come back.” 

-

Lydia quickly ended the ceremony and cleared the room, allowing only Izzy, Clary, and Magnus to stay. She didn't know what was going on, and the last thing she needed was crazy rumors spreading. 

Magnus remained at Alec’s side, who other than the rise and fall of his chest, still looked dead. One of the medics had been called for Jace, and was currently crouching over him. 

“He appears fine,” she said quietly as she stood. “I think he’s just completely exhausted. We should bring him to the infirmary for observation, just to be sure.” 

Lydia stepped toward the medic, nodding once. “I want both Jace and Alec moved to a private part of the infirmary immediately.” 

The medic furrowed her eyebrows. “Alec?” 

“This stays between the people in this room,” Lydia said, fixing her serious gaze on everyone before looking back at the medic. “I do not know what just happened during the ceremony, but Alec is breathing. He has a pulse. I don't want anyone getting word of this until we know what is going on. Not even his parents or Max.” 

The medic’s eyes widened, looking between Lydia and Alec’s body. 

“Do you understand?” Lydia said sharply. 

The medic nodded quickly.

-

Magnus stared down at Alec’s face from where he stood beside his bed. Every thirty seconds, he couldn't stop himself from checking Alec’s pulse. 

And every time he felt it, his knees grew weak. Alec was _alive_. Magnus wasn't one to believe in miracles, but at that moment, he couldn't think of any other explanation. 

Although Alec was alive, he still had his wounds from the battle. Magnus had immediately set to work on healing the wound in his chest, afraid that it would kill Alec all over again. And then he had healed the wound on the back of his head. It was bad, and Magnus couldn’t help but worry what kind of lasting damage Alec would have when he woke up. _If_ he woke up. 

Jace hadn't woken either, but from what Magnus could tell, he appeared to be alright. At the moment, all Magnus could conclude was that Jace had passed out from the overwhelming sensation through the parabatai bond when Alec came back to life. 

Magnus sank into a chair beside Alec’s bed, holding one of his hands tightly. He was too afraid to let go. Izzy sat on the other side of the bed, in between Alec and Jace’s beds. Clary stopped in frequently, but was trying to keep suspicion low and rumors under control. 

It was nearing midnight, but Magnus had never felt more awake. He stared at Alec’s face, hoping and praying for any sign of him waking up.

He heard shifting and tore his eyes away from Alec to watch as Jace stirred in his sleep. After a few moments, he blinked his eyes open, exhaustion clear in his multi-colored eyes. 

“What happened?” He croaked, his eyes settling on Izzy. 

Izzy grabbed his hand, holding it tightly. “You passed out at the funeral,” she said softly. “Jace...I don't know what's happened. Can...can you feel Alec through the parabatai bond?” 

Jace looked at her in confusion. “What? You know that broke when he -” 

Jace suddenly cut off, and his eyes finally drifted past her to land on Magnus, and then on Alec. At the same moment, he reached down to where his parabatai rune was located. He lifted his shirt, looking at the rune in disbelief. And then he looked back at Magnus. 

“Is he - he’s - is he alive?” Jace forced out, his voice barely a whisper. 

“He is,” Magnus said, swallowing thickly. “We don’t know how, or what exactly is going on, but he’s alive, Jace.” 

Jace struggled into a sitting position, attempting to get a better look at Alec. Izzy helped him stand and guided him over to Alec’s bed. Jace collapsed on the side, hesitating for only a small moment before reaching forward and checking Alec’s pulse. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when he felt it. 

Magnus watched him, a smile appearing on his lips as Jace looked up at him, a tearful smile on his face. 

“He’s _alive_ , Magnus,” Jace choked out. 

“I know,” Magnus said as tears gathered in his eyes, too. He sniffed, and then ran his free hand through Alec’s hair. “I know.” 

“Has he woken up at all?” Jace asked, clearing his throat and wiping his eyes.

Magnus sighed. “No. When he...came back to life, his injuries from the battle were still present. I had to heal him. Now...there’s - there’s nothing more we can do other than wait.”

-

Alec felt nothing, and he saw nothing. He was surrounded by a darkness that appeared to stretch on forever. He felt weightless, and numb, as if he couldn't even feel anything at all. 

And then suddenly, he felt pain. The pain was so blinding and lit up every nerve within his being, all he wanted to do was scream. But no sound ever left his lips. His body didn't move, not even a twitch, despite the pain that coursed through him. 

As sudden as the pain had come, it began to ebb away. Alec was suddenly filled with a familiar warmth, and all the emotions that had been consuming were taken over by content. Whatever was happening, he was safe. He would always be safe when the warm magic he had come to know so well surrounded him. 

The darkness began to fade, transitioning from nothingness to a soft gray. Alec could hear the sound of someone talking, but it sounded distant and far away. 

He was trapped in the gray. He could feel his own body again, but everything felt weak and sluggish. But the voices remained, and overtime, they grew closer. 

_“How is this possible?”_

_“I've never seen that rune before.”_

_“Lydia is doing her best to keep the rumors at bay, but it's only a matter of time before people get too curious.”_

_“How do we explain this to anyone?”_

_“He's alive, Magnus.”_

_“Please wake up, Alec.”_

_“Sebastian is still at large. It's like he's disappeared off the grid.”_

But after a while, it grew quiet again. The voices stopped. And Alec felt incredibly alone. 

His body began to not feel so weak, and he found that he could move slightly if he tried really hard. His fingers twitched, and he felt sudden warmth, as if something had wrapped around his hand. 

Alec slowly blinked his eyes open. He found himself staring at the familiar ceiling of the institute infirmary. His eyelids felt heavy, and he almost allowed them to slip close again. 

“Alec?” a timid voice said. 

He slowly rolled his head to the side, wincing at the pain the movement caused. His eyes focused on a figure seated beside his bed. Izzy.

“What happened?” he croaked, his voice barely audible. 

Izzy began to sob from where she sat beside his bed, holding his hand within hers. He glanced behind her, spotting Magnus and Jace both sprawled across the bed, Jace snoring. He looked back at Izzy as she sat on the edge of his bed, tears running down her cheeks. 

“You died, Alec,” she choked out, wiping at her tears. “You were dead.” 

Alec stared at her in confusion. 

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she took a deep breath. “What’s the last thing you remember?” 

Alec furrowed his eyebrows as he thought. “Paris.” 

Izzy smiled faintly, but it didn’t last, slipping off of her face as quickly as it had appeared. “When you got back from Paris, we got a distress call from Luke. His pack was under attack from circle members. You led a patrol to help. You were on the roof, and a forsaken managed to sneak up on you -” 

Alec didn’t hear the rest of what she said. The memories came back in a flash. He remembered feeling pain as he was knocked down. He remembered the fear that coursed through him as he had been thrown from the roof. And he remembered Sebastian’s smirk as he raised the sword above him, ready to strike. 

“Sebastian,” he blurted out, his voice still weak. 

Izzy nodded. “Jonathan, actually. Clary’s brother. He killed the real Sebastian. He was the mole,” she forced out. “This entire time, he was the traitor. And I - I let him in. I trusted him. I -”

“Izzy,” Alec cut in. “None of this is your fault. We all trusted him.” 

“Not you,” Izzy said fiercely. “You questioned him from the very beginning. And you were right. He _killed_ you, Alec.” 

Alec closed his eyes as he tried to process everything. “I died?” he said, looking back at her. 

Izzy nodded, more tears spilling over. “It was horrible,” she whispered. “He stabbed you through the heart. Jace screamed, and then the bond snapped. You were killed almost instantly. Your funeral was two days ago.” 

“I don’t...I don’t understand,” Alec said. “Did Magnus manage to bring me back?” 

“No,” Izzy said, this time also looking confused. “We...we don’t know how you are back. During your funeral, your light gathered in the shape of a rune before crashing back down into your body. Magnus ran up to you, and you were breathing. Jace passed out from the intensity of your bond reestablishing. Jace says that the same rune appeared on your bow after you died. No one knows what it means. Magnus has been looking through his old books, and Clary is going through the archives. Lydia has taken over as temporary control of the institute. Everyone still thinks you are dead per her orders.” 

Alec tried to process everything that she was telling him, but his head was beginning to hurt again. “What rune?” 

Izzy reached forward, gently grabbing his hand again. She lifted it so that he could see the top of his hand. A rune he had never seen before was there, taking up nearly his entire hand, stretching slightly to the base of his fingers. It was an intricate design woven together. He had never seen a rune so detailed. 

There was a sound from the other bed and Izzy turned to see Magnus and Jace stirring in their sleep. They blinked groggily and she signalled for them to be quiet. 

“He’s awake,” she said softly. 

They were both on their feet in an instant, running to the side of Alec’s bed. Alec blinked at them, fighting the exhaustion that was slowly taking over. 

Jace’s knees gave out and he collapsed at the side of Alec’s bed, his elbows resting on the edge. He put his face in his hands as he began to cry. 

Magnus gave Jace’s shoulder a squeeze before walking around to the other side of the bed. He knelt down so that he was eye level with Alec, taking ahold of his hand and clutching it tightly. 

“I love you,” he said, kissing Alec’s knuckles and squeezing his eyes shut. “I love you so much, Alexander.” 

“I love you, too,” Alec whispered. 

Magnus reopened his eyes, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face. Jace lifted his head at the sound of Alec’s voice, looking at him like he was the sun coming out after months of cloudy days. 

Magnus raised himself back to his feet, keeping ahold of Alec’s hand as he sat on the edge of the bed. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to Alec’s forehead. Alec closed his eyes, letting out a small sigh. 

“How are you feeling, darling?” Magnus asked softly. 

“Tired,” Alec said, forcing himself to reopen his eyes. 

“That's expected,” Magnus said, gently examining Alec’s head. “You're still healing. And I'm assuming rising from the dead is a pretty draining experience.” 

It was quiet for a moment before Jace slowly smiled, a chuckle escaping his lips. Isabelle joined in, and soon they were all laughing. Alec smiled at the sight of three of the people he loved the most so happy. 

Magnus gave Alec’s hand a squeeze, smiling widely when Alec squeezed it back. 

Although Alec was still very confused about what had happened, he couldn't help but feel that maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay. 

-

The next time Alec woke, it was dark in his private section of the infirmary. The only source of light came from moonlight filtering in through the stain glass windows, decorating the room with dancing shades of red, blue, and green. 

Magnus was now beside him in the bed, still holding tightly to Alec’s hand as he slept. Jace was asleep in one of the chairs beside Alec’s bed, feet kicked up and resting on the edge of Alec’s bed. In the chair beside him sat Clary. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail and she appeared exhausted, but there was a small smile on her face as their eyes met. 

“What are you looking at, Fray?” Alec mumbled sleepily, and her smile widened. 

Clary leaned forward in her seat and said, “I don't know yet. I haven't decided if you're a zombie or some sort of hybrid vampire.” 

Alec rolled his eyes. “Obviously neither,” he retorted. “One, I wasn't bitten by a vampire, so you can immediately scratch that idea. And two, zombies don't exist. The closest thing we have to those are forsakens, and I'm definitely not one of those.” 

“But you did die and come back to life,” Clary said, pointing at him. “That's practically a zombie.” 

“Well I have no cravings for flesh, and I think once I'm healed I'll be able to walk at a normal speed.” 

“Touché. How do you know so much about zombies?” 

Alec hesitated for a moment before muttering, “I borrowed some of your comic books once.” 

They stared at each other for a moment before Clary broke, laughter escaping her lips. When she was done, she looked at him with a small smile and sighed. 

“I'm really glad you're back, Alec,” she said softly. “I was about ready to find another warlock to try to bring you back.” 

“Didn't you learn your lesson about that last time?” Alec exclaimed before clamping his mouth shut, realizing she was joking. 

Clary laughed again, and Alec glared at her. After a few moments of silence, Alec’s expression softened. 

“How are you doing?” He asked suddenly. 

“Alec, you are lying in the infirmary after literally dying and coming back to life, and you're asking how I'm doing?” 

“Sebastian turned out to be Jonathan,” Alec said bluntly, but still with a hint of gentleness. “That couldn't have been an easy blow.” 

Clary’s smile fell from her face. “Everyone was right about him,” she said, voice hollow. “I just wanted so badly to give him the benefit of the doubt. But he's a monster.” 

“You don’t always get to choose your family,” Alec said softly. His eyes drifted toward Jace for a moment. “But sometimes you do. Family doesn’t have to be bound by blood. If you build yourself a family consisting of people you love, and who love you just as much in return, you will be happy.” 

Clary blinked at him before reaching forward, giving Alec’s arm a gentle squeeze. “Thank you,” she said quietly, a hint of tears in her eyes. 

Alec watched as her gaze shifted to Jace, a range of emotions battling in her eyes. 

“He really cares for you, you know,” Alec said, gesturing weakly toward Jace. “I know he’s hard headed and stubborn as hell, but frankly, so are you. And beneath all that, he does truly care for you. It’s not an act, and it’s not easy for him to be so consumed with emotion. Give him a chance. At least hear him out.” 

Clary tore her eyes away from Jace’s sleeping form to look at Alec. “I’m so tired of hurting the people I care about.” 

Her gaze flickered to the bandages sticking out above the collar of Alec’s shirt and on his neck from the wound on the back of his head. Alec shifted, pulling his blanket up higher. 

“ _You_ didn’t hurt me,” Alec said sternly. “You can't blame yourself for this. No one can. But really, you should at least talk with him. He feels awful about what happened in the Seelie Court. I think you both deserve some closure on it.” 

Clary hesitated before nodding and slowly smiling. “When did you become so wise?” 

“He’s always been wise,” Magnus mumbled sleepily from beside Alec, causing both of them to jump slightly. “People just don’t normally take his advice.” 

Clary smiled sheepishly as Magnus lifted his head to glare at her playfully. She then stood, gently shaking Jace awake. 

“Hey,” she said softly. “Let’s get you to bed, okay? We all need you properly rested.” 

Jace blinked tiredly, gaze shifting to Alec.

“Go,” Alec said softly. “I’m fine, and I’m not going anywhere.” 

Jace hesitated briefly before nodding and allowing Clary to guide him out of the infirmary. 

Magnus shifted, propping himself up on his elbow so he could properly look at Alec. Alec furrowed his eyebrows as he watched tears gather in Magnus’s eyes. 

“Hey,” he said softly, reaching forward and wiping Magnus’s cheek with his thumb. “What’s wrong?” 

“I missed you so much, Alexander,” Magnus gasped out, leaning into Alec’s touch. “I know - I know that it’s going to happen one day,” he added, swallowing thickly. “I do. But I never thought it would be so soon, and I wasn’t ready. I’ll never truly be ready to lose you. It was...it was just so unfair, Alexander. I have lived through so much, so many of my own tragedies, but I truly didn’t know how I was going to live through losing you like this. Because out of everyone, how did you deserve to die? I’ve lived a long time, and I still don’t quite understand how the universe works. But it’s not fair. It’s not fair and it’s cruel and -”

Alec cut him off my stretching forward and connecting their lips briefly. Magnus melted into his touch, pulling back slightly, their noses still touching as they gazed at each other. 

“I’m here,” Alec said softly. “You didn’t lose me yet. Not really. I’m back, and I have no plans of going anywhere soon.” 

Magnus lowered himself down, curling into Alec’s side and resting his head on his shoulder. “I wish we could just run away from it all,” he whispered. “Just you and me. Somewhere far away.” 

“We can’t escape this war,” Alec said grimly. “But I’ll fight by your side through every moment of it.” 

Magnus pulled the blanket up around them, taking ahold of Alec’s hand and holding it tightly. 

“Just promise you’ll always come back to me,” Magnus said. 

“I promise.”


	8. Chosen By The Angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I PROMISE I'M NOT DEAD.
> 
> So sorry for the lack of updating, life has just been hectic at the moment. Without any further delays, here is the new chapter!

“Today marks the day I return home to myself. That I begin the long journey that will be learning to trust in my own power again - to engage life, be light, and stand confidently in my own skin.”

-

Magnus stepped through the portal, walking into the loft for the first time since Alec had come back to life. That had been a week ago, and Alec had officially been awake for two days. He was tired all the time, and was never awake for more than a few hours at a time. Magnus knew it was Alec’s body attempting to regain energy, but Magnus also knew the tension within his own chest wouldn't truly disappear until Alec was back to normal. Well, as back to normal as what he could be. 

Magnus had taken about two steps when a voice caught his attention. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Catarina demanded, appearing from the kitchen as she stormed toward him. “You can't just disappear like that, Magnus. Not like this, not during these times and not after what just happened.” 

“I'm sorry for worrying you,” Magnus said quickly, taking a few steps toward her and placing a hand on her shoulder. “I've been at the institute.” 

Catarina raised an eyebrow. “Why?” 

Magnus hesitated. Lydia had given strict orders not to tell anyone of Alec’s condition. But Catarina was one of Magnus’s oldest friends, and he trusted her with every fiber of his being. And he had a feeling that he was going to need her help. 

“What I'm about to tell you can't leave this room,” he said. 

Catarina’s eyebrow rose higher. “Why? It's not like you to help the Clave keep secrets.” 

“It's not a Clave order, but it is classified information. Lydia Branwell has taken over as temporary head of the institute, and has requested that no one be told. I promise it doesn't affect the downworld. If it did, I wouldn't have promised to keep it quiet. You just have to trust me.” 

Catarina didn't hesitate. “Of course I trust you.” 

Magnus nodded. “This can't leave this room,” he repeated. 

Catarina set him with a hard stare and crossed her arms, waiting for him to continue. 

“Alec is alive.” 

Catarina went completely still. Her eyes darted over Magnus. “Excuse me?” 

“I don't know what’s happened or how it's possible,” Magnus rushed out. “At the funeral, his light or soul or whatever it is didn't pass on like it's supposed to. Instead, it crashed back into him and he was suddenly breathing again. He woke up two days ago.” 

Catarina took a few steps back, slowly sitting on the couch. “That...that shouldn't be possible, Magnus.” 

“I know, Cat,” Magnus said. “But it is possible. I don't know how, or why, but it is. Alec is alive.” 

Catarina was quiet for several moments. 

“Okay,” she finally said, looking up at Magnus. “Do you have any idea what could have made it possible?” 

“There’s this rune,” Magnus said, gesturing around with his hands. “It appeared above his body during the ceremony, and it’s on his hand now. He definitely didn't have it before he died, and he doesn't recognize it. No one does.” 

Catarina furrowed her eyebrows. “What does the rune look like?” 

Magnus paused for a moment before disappearing into his bedroom. When he returned, Alec’s bow was in his hand. He extended it toward Catarina, pointing to the rune engraved into it. 

“That's it,” he said. “I noticed it on his bow when Jace brought it to me before the funeral.” 

Catarina’s expression transitioned from confused to shocked. Her eyes widened, and her jaw went slack. 

“I haven't seen this rune in over two hundred years,” she whispered, voice barely audible. 

Magnus’s heart skipped. “You - do you know what it is?”

Catarina slowly nodded. “I do. Magnus…”

“What?” Magnus demanded, heart feeling like it was going to beat out of his chest. “What is it?” 

“You might want to sit down for this.” 

Magnus didn't move a muscle. 

Catarina dropped her gaze, looking back down at the rune. “It’s a rare rune. Hasn't been used for centuries, and it's been wiped from the history books. And the books that do have records of it have been locked away in the archives in Idris. Only the Silent Brothers have access to it.” 

“Cat, _what is it?_ What does it mean?”

Catarina looked back up at him, a mixture of fear and awe in her eyes. 

“Immortality.” 

-

Alec clenched his jaw as he slowly sat up, his body screaming at the effort. Jace stood at the side of his bed, arms outstretched, ready to help if necessary. Alec finally managed to sit up straight, letting out a gasp of breath as he did. 

Dying really took a toll on the body. 

He took another deep breath and then swung his legs over the side of the bed, one at a time, until both feet were on the ground and he was sitting on the edge of his bed. 

Alec was dressed in black sweatpants and a gray sweatshirt that was a little too big, the sleeves hanging over his hands. Izzy had brought it for him, wanting him to be as comfortable as possible. His hair was a mess, sticking up in every direction. He didn't have the strength to lift his arms to attempt to fix it. 

“Good, good,” Jace said softly, resting a hand on Alec’s shoulder. 

Alec took a few breaths, closing his eyes for a moment as he waited for the pain in his chest to lighten. He reached up, rubbing his chest with his hand, feeling the raised skin of his scar through the fabric of his sweatshirt. 

He heard the familiar sound of a portal opening, and lifted his head to see Magnus stepping through, followed by Catarina. 

Catarina’s eyes immediately settled on him, and she quickly walked over. He was aware of hearing Jace say something about sharing classified information, but his attention was quickly captured by Catarina standing right in front of him. 

She offered him a wary smile, gesturing toward his hand. “May I?” 

Alec lifted his hand, allowing Catarina to look at the rune. She scanned her eyes over it, tracing it with her index finger. And then she looked up, eyes locking on Magnus, who appeared to be holding his breath. 

“That's it,” she said, sounding breathless. 

“You're sure?” Magnus whispered. 

Catarina nodded. “There's no mistaking it.” She looked back down at Alec. “How are you feeling?” 

“Exhausted,” Alec said, fighting the way his eyelids were starting to droop. He could never stay away for more than a few hours, and any amount of physical exertion left him breathless, and left his muscles feeling as though he had just run a marathon. 

“That's normal,” she said, letting go of his hand. “Your body is slowly coming back to life. It's a tiring process as it attempts to heal. May I see the wound on your head?” 

Alec nodded, turning his head to the side to give her better access. He closed his eyes as he felt her fingers gently guide his hair out of the way. 

“Have you been having headaches?” She asked. “Or feeling nauseous?” 

“Both,” he said, reopening his eyes. 

“Okay. How about any hallucinations?” 

“No.” 

“Do you know what year it is?” 

“2017.” 

“Good,” Catarina said as she pulled her hands back. “How old are you?” 

“Twenty-three.” 

Catarina glanced toward Magnus, who nodded to signal that Alec was correct. She looked back at Alec. 

“You have a mild concussion, which is going to give you headaches and make you occasionally feel nauseous. That will pass in a few days. How is your chest feeling? Any shortness of breath?”

“He can't even sit up without needing to take a break to catch his breath,” Jace cut in, earning a tired glare from Alec. 

Jace had his arms crossed over his chest, stress evident in his eyes. He offered Alec a shrug in response, shooting him a ‘you know I'm right’ look. 

“That’s to be expected,” Catarina said. “I trust Magnus’s healing abilities. But magic can only do so much, and you were literally stabbed through the heart. It's going to take a while to heal. I can show you some exercises to help you gain your strength back. You're going to have to take it very slow when you start weaning yourself back into your shadowhunter duties, if that's what you choose to do.” 

“What do you mean, if that's what he chooses to do?” Jace demanded. 

Catarina looked toward Magnus. Alec glanced between the two of them, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Magnus walked over, sitting on the edge of Alec’s bed and taking ahold of his hand. He ran his fingers over the new rune before meeting Alec’s gaze. 

“This rune,” he said softly, tapping it with his index finger. “Catarina recognized it. It's ancient, and it hasn't been seen in centuries. You don't know about it because only the angels can choose who receives it.” 

“Wait,” Jace said, cutting in. “Are you saying that the angels chose to bring Alec back to life?” 

“There's more to it than that,” Magnus said, his gaze flickering toward Jace before focusing back on Alec. 

“What is it?” Alec asked softly, turning his hand in Magnus’s and squeezing his hand gently. 

“They granted you immortality, Alexander.” 

Everyone was silent. Alec blinked at Magnus a few times, trying to process what he had just said. 

“I'm...I'm immortal?” Alec stammered. 

“Yes,” Magnus said, and Alec could tell that he was watching him carefully, unsure of how he would react. 

Alec pulled his eyes away from Magnus as he attempted to process everything. He pulled his hand away, not noticing the hurt that flashed in Magnus’s eyes. 

“I know this is a lot to process,” Catarina said, placing a hand on both of their shoulders. “And to be honest, I’ve never seen anything like this before. I’ve heard stories but…” 

“Wait,” Jace cut in, holding a hand up and stepping forward. “You actually think Alec is immortal?” 

“I realize it seems unbelievable -” 

“Unbelievable?” Jace repeated. “Immortal nephilim...that’s a legend -”

“I thought all the legends were true?” Catarina said, raising a single eyebrow with a small smile on her face. 

Jace clamped his mouth shut, slowly looking at Alec. Alec was staring at the far wall, a far-off expression on his face. 

“Okay,” Alec said suddenly, turning to look back at Magnus. 

Magnus looked startled, and Alec quickly reached forward to take hold of his hand again. 

“So...I’m immortal,” Alec said softly. “I - I don’t really know how to process that quite yet, and honestly, I’m too tired to try to right now. But...I guess...I guess I have plenty of time, so...”

Magnus blinked at him. “Did - did you just make a joke?” Alec rolled his eyes, and a smile erupted across Magnus’s face. “Of all the reactions I thought you’d have, darling, this certainly wasn’t it.” 

“ _Someone_ told me I need to stop stressing out over things I can’t control,” Alec said quietly, a small frown on his lips as he thought. “I’ve been trying to work on that.”

Magnus smiled wider and reached forward, gently rubbing his thumb over Alec’s cheek. “I love you. We’ll figure this out.” 

Alec leaned into the touch. “I love you, too.” 

-

Jace led the way as he guided Magnus and Catarina toward Alec’s office, where Lydia was currently working. Magnus, of course, knew the way, but he decided not to point that out. 

“She’s not going to be happy that you shared classified information,” Jace said quietly as they neared the door. “But once you explain, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Jace knocked on the door, not waiting for Magnus to say anything. 

“Come in,” Lydia called out, voice carrying through the thick, wooden door. 

Jace pushed the door open, holding it open for Magnus and Catarina as they stepped through. 

“Lydia,” Magnus said, “this is my friend and fellow warlock Catarina -” 

“Catarina Loss,” Lydia said, a smile spreading across her face as she stood to shake Catarina’s hand. “I’ve heard of you. What you do, working as a nurse, is very admirable.” 

“Thank you,” Catarina said, dipping her head once. 

Lydia released her hand and took a step back. She looked between the three of them expectantly. Magnus took a small step forward. 

“Catarina has been my friend for a very long time, and she is a very knowledgeable warlock,” he said. “She is...aware...of Alec’s situation.” 

Lydia looked at him sharply, but said nothing, waiting for him to continue. 

“She recognized the rune,” Magnus said. “She knows what has happened to Alec.” 

Lydia’s eyes widened and she looked over at Catarina. 

“The rune is rare,” Catarina said, looking at Lydia with a steady gaze. “It is one that only the angels can give, which is why you have most likely never seen it. I haven’t heard of it being used in many, many years.” 

“What does it do?” Lydia asked, furrowing her eyebrows. 

“It makes the person who receives it immortal,” Catarina said, eyes flickering toward Magnus for a moment before focusing back on Lydia. “According to the legends, angels would grant immortality to shadowhunters who were incredible heroes or in times of war. As time went on, the number of these occurrences dropped. War became less common and the need for immortal soldiers slowly dissolved. Apparently, the angels feel as though they may be needed again.” 

Lydia stared at her for several moments before shifting her gaze onto Magnus. Magnus nodded once, and Lydia’s shoulders sagged slightly and she walked backwards, dropping down into her seat. 

She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples before speaking. “How am I supposed to explain this to the clave? They’ll want to experiment on him like some sort of lab rat.” 

“He was chosen by the angels, Lydia,” Jace said. “Even I know that you don't challenge that.” 

Lydia still looked apprehensive, but she slowly nodded. “I will not make any decisions without discussing options with Alec. As far as I'm concerned, this is still his institute and if he decides that he wants to take back control once he is fit, I will support that. Or if he decides that he wants to remain dead for as far as the rest of the world is concerned and run off to who knows where, I’ll support that, too.” 

“This is who Alec almost married?” Catarina exclaimed with a look of disbelief, turning to look at Magnus. “And he chose _you?_ ” 

Magnus glared at her, while a hint of a smile appeared on Lydia’s lips. 

“He made the right choice,” she said, gazing knowingly at Magnus, a playful sparkle in her eyes. Then she returned her attention to the rest of the room. “For now, Alec’s condition is to still remain a secret. The moment the word spreads is the moment Alec loses any privacy and becomes the big gossip of the shadow world, again. And I absolutely do not want Sebastian or Valentine to get any word of Alec being alive. As far as I'm concerned, at the attack on the Jade Wolf, Alec was targeted. If they hear that Alec is alive, and _immortal_ , I fear they will come after him again.” 

-

Alec blinked his eyes open to see Izzy seated in one of the chairs beside Alec’s bed. She held a book in her hands, and Alec realized it was one of his. 

“You're reading?” Alec murmured, drawing her attention from the pages as he slowly sat up. 

“Hey,” Izzy said, narrowing her eyes playfully. “I read.” 

“Yeah, science books and fashion magazines. Not mundane fiction like…” Alec leaned forward to read the title, “Lord of the Rings.” 

Izzy rolled her eyes, marking the page and closing the book. “I went to your room to grab you some clothes and find you some stuff to occupy you while you're in the infirmary. I figured books were probably the best way to go. I just grabbed some random ones. I didn't realize you had so many, where'd you get them?” 

“While you and Jace were sneaking out to parties, I was sneaking out to the bookstore down the street,” Alec said. 

“Oh, Alec,” Izzy said with a laugh. “You're such a nerd.” 

“Hey,” Alec protested. “Mom and Dad would have killed me if they knew I was reading mundane fiction. So it was actually pretty brave of me to get them.” 

They stared at each other before they both broke into laughter. Alec’s turned to wheezing, and he tried to hide his discomfort as he caught his breath. Izzy set the book on the table beside his bed, resting it on top of the stack that she had already placed there. 

She turned back to Alec, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “So,” she said, voice much quieter. “You're immortal.” 

Alec slowly crossed his long legs beneath him, pulling his sweatshirt hood up in an attempt to hide his ridiculous hair and resting his hands in his lap. 

“Yeah, apparently so.” 

“Do you feel any different?” Izzy asked, tilting her head slightly. 

“Honestly? No,” Alec said. “I keep trying to process it, but it just doesn't seem real. Mortality and immortality has always been a touchy subject for Magnus and I. The fact that I was going to eventually die and leave Magnus, hurt me so badly, I almost left to save him from that pain. But Magnus insisted that our small time together would be worth an infinity of pain. So I stayed. Maybe it was selfish, because I love him so much, but I stayed. But now...now we have forever. And that's a lot to process. But it's a good thing to process. Just a lot.” 

Izzy reached forward, taking ahold of one of Alec’s hands and giving it a squeeze. “All I know is that I'm happy you're back,” she said, voice cracking slightly. “The days without you were the darkest days I ever experienced.” 

Alec’s eyebrows pinched together as he fought a frown. “Someday, those dark days will be my reality. When I lose you, Jace, and Max.” 

Izzy let out a soft sigh. “True. But those dark days will eventually pass. And they are a long time away. The three of us won’t be leaving you for a long time, big brother. Not if I have a say in it.” 

Alec smiled softly at her. Izzy stood, turning around and sitting back so that she was seated beside him on the bed. 

“So what are you going to do now?” she asked, resting her head on his shoulder. “You could do anything.” 

“For now, I want to focus on healing,” Alec said, slipping into professional mode. “The sooner I do that, the sooner I can get back to my duties.” 

“Alec, no one expects you to resume your duties,” Izzy said quietly. “At least not right away.” 

“We’re at war - ”

“You _died_ , Alec,” Izzy snapped, lifting her head off of his shoulder to look at him. “You didn’t just get injured or almost die, you actually died. You gave your life. You’ve sacrificed enough for this damn war.” 

“I can’t just leave,” Alec argued. “I can’t leave you and Jace to fight this without me. We fight together, we always have. We started this together, and we’re going to finish this together.” 

Izzy looked ready to protest, but instead clamped her mouth shut as she stared at him. Her sharp gaze slowly softened, and another sigh escaped her lips. 

“I love you, big brother,” she said softly. “And I’m really scared about what the future holds. Everything feels so uncertain right now. But I know that with you and Jace at my side, we’ll get through this. I have confidence in that.” 

Alec leaned forward, kissing her forehead gently. “We’ll get through this,” he whispered. “I promise.”


	9. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyy, FINALLY an update! Sorry this took so long, I recently started a new job and things have been crazyyy (in a good way). 
> 
> Anyway, without further ado, here's the next chapter! :)

“You will never understand the damage you did to someone until the same thing is done to you. That’s why I'm here.” - Karma 

\- 

“I want to see Max.” 

Magnus looked up from the book he was reading, seated in a chair with his legs propped on Alec’s bed, to see Alec looking at him from where he stood in the center of his private section in the infirmary. 

He was getting stronger everyday, and he had been cleared to start physical therapy. Catarina often came to help him, but when she couldn't, Magnus, Jace, or Izzy were always there. 

Jace and Izzy had resumed their duties, so their opportunities to visit had dwindled. Alec didn't voice it, but Magnus could tell he missed seeing them. 

“Okay,” Magnus said, closing his book and sitting up straighter. “What do you plan on telling him?” 

Alec carefully lowered himself down onto his exercise mat, starting to stretch his muscles now that his workout was complete. 

“The truth,” he said as he stretched his arm across his chest, supporting it with his other hand beneath his elbow. He sighed and dropped his arms down. “I...I can't lie to him. And I can't keep letting him think I'm dead. Izzy said that he hasn't resumed training yet, that he basically refuses to and barely leaves his room.” 

Magnus stood, walking over and sitting down so that he was facing Alec. He silently signaled for Alec to stretch out his leg, which he did immediately. Magnus gently grabbed his foot, helping him stretch. 

“Max misses you dearly,” Magnus said, looking down at Alec’s foot. “I think you should talk to Lydia before you do anything. If you're planning on telling Max, you may need to prepare to tell others as well.” 

Magnus didn't mention Alec’s parents. He didn't need to, he knew Alec would know who he meant. 

“I'm not deciding anything without you,” Alec said, and Magnus quickly looked up at him. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you want me to go back to my duties?” Alec asked softly. 

Magnus blinked hard, tearing his eyes away after a moment and looking down. “I won't lie, Alexander. Your job terrifies me.” 

Silence hung between them. Magnus took a deep breath and looked back at Alec, who's eyes had never left him. 

“But I know how important it is to you,” Magnus said, voice stronger than it was before. “You are a shadowhunter, one greater than I have ever seen in my long life. You are a born leader, and you are capable of doing so many great things. So many. You already have. Piece by piece, you are tearing down the wall that divides shadowhunters and the downworld. And now...now you have even more time to continue that fight. Or...or you could walk away. You could be proud of what you have accomplished, and take time for yourself. There is nothing selfish about that. Whatever you decide, Alexander, I'll support you. I love you, and I would follow you anywhere. I will follow you anywhere.” 

Alec pulled his foot free from Magnus’s hands, bending his legs beneath him and stretching forward to press his lips to Magnus’s. Magnus pulled him closer, gently cupping Alec’s cheeks. 

“I love you,” Alec said against his lips. 

“I love you, too,” Magnus said, pulling back slightly, their foreheads still pressed together and their eyes closed. 

“The job isn't done,” Alec said softly. 

Magnus opened his eyes and leaned back slightly so that he could see Alec’s face. Alec was looking at him with a determined expression. 

Magnus cracked a small smile, gently running the pad of his thumb over Alec’s cheek. “Then let's finish it, shall we?” 

-

Lydia grinned widely at Alec as he talked from where he sat on his bed, Magnus beside him, tightly holding his hand. 

“ - I'm not ready to leave this life yet. I've still got things left to do. But I'm also not ready to fully take back my role as head of the institute,” he paused, glancing at Magnus before focusing back on her. “I was thinking we could take on the role together? As co-heads of the institute?” 

Lydia’s smile grew, and she resisted the urge to clap in excitement. “Yes,” she said with a firm nod. “Of course. I'm so happy to hear this.” 

“I think it's time for the institute to know that I'm alive,” Alec said. 

“This means notifying the clave,” Lydia said, voice soft. 

“I can't avoid them forever,” Alec said, a small sigh escaping his lips. “But I want to start with my family first. Max. I need to see him.” 

“I'll ask Jace to bring him,” Lydia said with a small nod. “What about your parents?” 

Alec looked back at Magnus, who gave his hand a comforting squeeze. 

“Just Max for now,” Alec said. “I think I need to rest before I attempt to deal with them.” 

Lydia nodded again, both in understanding and agreement. “How does planning on telling the institute tomorrow morning sound?”

“Sounds good to me,” Alec said. 

“Great,” Lydia said. “I'll have Jace bring Max, and then let you rest for a bit. Later, I'll stop by and we can discuss how we are going to be sharing the responsibility and splitting the duties. You and I both know there will be a million questions tomorrow.” 

Alec blinked gratefully at her. “Thank you, Lydia.” 

She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before turning and walking out. 

Alec watched her go, chewing his bottom lip nervously. 

“What's wrong, darling?” Magnus asked, leaning his chin on Alec’s shoulder. 

“How do you think Max is going to react?” Alec asked softly, voice barely audible. 

Magnus sighed. “It's hard to say. He’ll be shocked. Happy you're alive. And maybe angry that he wasn't told right away. Don't take it personally if he reacts that way. In the end, the happiness will win.” 

After a moment, Alec nodded. He stiffened as he heard footsteps approaching the door, and voices drifted to his ears. 

“Why are we here?” Max was saying, voice sounding tired. 

Alec heard Jace sigh. “Max, I know it's been hard lately. Especially on you. But I promise things are about to get a lot better. It's going to be a lot to process, and I'm sorry you couldn't be told earlier.” 

“What are you talking about? What’s going on?” 

The door opened, and Jace stepped through. Alec stood, and Jace stepped to the side as Max followed him in. 

Max’s eyes landed on Alec, and he froze as his eyes grew wide. “Alec?” 

“Max,” Alec breathed out, taking a step forward. 

Max took a small step back. “No,” he said. “This isn't possible.” 

“Max,” Jace cut in. “I know this is a lot to process -” 

“I saw Luke carrying your body!” Max cried, pointing at Alec. “You were dead!” 

“I know,” Alec said softly, swallowing thickly. “I'm so sorry you had to see that, Max.” 

“How are you here?” Max said, sniffling and quickly wiping at his cheek. 

Alec took another step forward, happy when Max didn't step back this time. “The angels decided to bring me back,” he said. “Sometimes, in times of extreme conflict or war, they decide to bring soldiers back.” 

Max stared at him for several moments before surging forward. Alec dropped to his knees just in time for Max to crash into him, hugging him tightly and crying into his chest. 

Alec grunted from the pain of the impact, but otherwise ignored it and hugged Max back. Max clung to him, his entire body shaking with sobs. Alec held him tightly, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to contain his own tears. 

“I'm here, Max, I'm here,” he whispered, rubbing gentle circles on his back. 

“H-how long have you been back?” Max hiccupped, pulling back to look at Alec. 

“A little while,” Alec said softly. “But I've been healing. Sleeping a lot. Unfortunately magic can't automatically heal everything. But I'm here now.” 

“What about when the war is over?” Max asked, voice timid. 

Alec furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?” 

“When the war is over, will the angels take you back?” 

Alec glanced up at Jace, who’s face was pulled into a worried frown. He looked back at Max, trying to find the right words to say. 

The truth was: he didn't know. Alec had no idea what any of this meant. Supposedly, he was immortal. But was he really? Or was it temporary, for the sake of the war? 

“As far as we know, that won't happen,” Magnus said, speaking up for the first time since Max had entered the room. He stepped forward, kneeling down beside Alec. “According to the legends, nephilims brought back as soldiers during times of war are granted immortality for their help. Coming back from the dead isn't exactly easy, and I guess the angels feel as though they should reward them for their service somehow. Unfortunately, all we can base this on is the legends. All records of this happening before have been wiped, so we have no way of tracking down other immortal nephilim, or even knowing if any are still alive.” 

“But if they're immortal, how could they be dead?” Max asked. 

“Immortality doesn't mean that you can't die,” Magnus said gently. “I'm lucky to have lived as long as I have. But I have had several immortal friends be killed over the centuries. Even we cannot escape death.” 

Alec gazed at him, falling more in love with Magnus every second. He loved the way he talked, the way words appeared to easily roll off his tongue despite any situation, the gentle tone he was using in that moment with Max. 

And Alec loved that he could read every emotion in Magnus’s eyes. Not everyone knew Magnus as well as Alec did, and Alec took pride in that. Magnus’s gaze was always loving when he looked at Alec, even if he was mad beyond words with him. The hint of love always remained. 

In that moment, Magnus’s eyes were filled with love, kindness, and a hint of fear. Alec had noticed the touch of fear in Magnus from the moment he had woken in the infirmary. Alec couldn't imagine the pain of losing Magnus, but Magnus had to live through the pain of losing him. And even though he was back now, there was still so much left unanswered. 

But Alec had faith that they would figure it out. Because that's what he and Magnus did. 

Alec looked back at Max. “So I hear you haven't been training,” he said, deciding to change the subject, a small smile on his lips. “I think it's time to get back into it, don't you?” 

“I didn't want to be a shadowhunter anymore,” Max said bluntly, and Alec blinked at him, waiting for him to continue. “Being a shadowhunter is what killed you. Your job...shadowhunting...it stole my big brother. Just because you stood up for downworlders, just because you fought for what was right, someone decided you didn't deserve to live. I...I didn't want to be a part of that world anymore.” 

Alec rocked back on his heels, slowly standing. He placed a hand on Max’s shoulders. 

“Do you still feel this way?” Alec asked gently. “Because you don't have to, Max. You don't have to continue your training. You always have the choice.” 

“But Mom and Dad -” 

“Do not get to make this choice for you,” Alec said forcefully while keeping his tone gentle. “This is a decision only you can make. I'll support you no matter what you choose.” 

Magnus watched the scene before him, a small smile on his lips. It was moments like this when Alec showed exactly why he was meant to be a leader. Magnus had encountered many shadowhunters in power during in his lifetime, and Alec was one of the few people who he believed actually deserved it. 

The door to the infirmary opened slightly, and Magnus noticed Izzy peering in, her expression serious. They made eye contact, and she signaled for him to come with her. Magnus passed by Alec, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze as he did, before exiting the room. He noticed Jace’s presence behind him, realizing that Jace had followed him out of the infirmary. 

Izzy quickly led the way down the hall and into Alec’s office. Magnus’s steps slowed when he saw that Clary, Simon, Raphael, and Luke were in there. Simon, Raphael, and Luke were seated at a small table, talking quietly with Lydia. Clary was hovering nearby, a determined expression on her face. Jace joined her side while Izzy sat, signalling for Magnus to take the last empty seat at the table. 

“What’s going on?” Magnus asked wearily, slowly taking a seat. The light and happy atmosphere he had been in moments ago had been replaced by a much more serious, heavy feeling. 

Luke offered him a small smile from across the table. Lydia leaned forward, linking her fingers together and resting her elbows on the table. 

“I've gathered you all together to discuss a special mission,” she said, looking at each of them for a moment before continuing. “Jonathan still remains at large, and is mostly off the grid. Teams have found traces of him here or there, but nothing solid that keeps resulting in a dead end. Shadowhunters alone cannot catch this guy, and he is a threat to all of our worlds. I have chosen you for this because of a few reasons. One, most of you are leaders of your people, and I highly respect you. Furthermore, you are all in some way linked to or friends with Alec. And because of that, I have faith, and trust, that you would follow through on this mission thoroughly, if you choose to accept it.” 

Magnus glanced around the table, gauging the reactions of the others. He didn't know what the mission was, and he saw his curiosity mirrored in them. 

“What is the mission?” Luke asked. 

“I would like to form a team with all of you, to team up with Clary, Jace, and Izzy as they hunt down Jonathan,” Lydia said. “Not only do I think this is our best option at finding him, but I believe that you forming a team will represent everything that you all and Alec have worked so hard towards. An equal alliance of shadowhunters and downworlders coming together to fight for the entire shadow world.” 

Luke appeared to be in thought, but had nodded when Lydia finished. Raphael’s eyes flickered toward Magnus, and Magnus could see concern woven in them. 

“I've been thinking about forming this team ever since the battle at the Jade Wolf,” Lydia added. “Recent events prompted me to do it immediately.” 

“Recent events?” Raphael repeated, raising an eyebrow. 

Lydia looked at Izzy, nodding toward her. Izzy took a deep breath before addressing the table. 

“Sometimes in times of war, the angels decide to create immortal soldiers,” Izzy said. “The history on the matter is limited due to the clave destroying most of the evidence and covering it up as a legend, but it is true. Sometimes, the angels will grant immortality to living shadowhunters who they feel are needed. Sometimes, they bring shadowhunters back who they believe should be fighting in the war. There is no known case of this happening in the past two hundred years.” 

Izzy stopped talking, her voice beginning to tremble. Clary quickly stepped in, taking a step toward the table. 

“Until now,” Clary said. “The angels chose to bring Alec back. He’s alive.” 

Simon’s jaw dropped. Luke and Raphael’s eyes widened in shock. Izzy blinked away happy tears, shooting Magnus a small smile from across the table. 

“It's true,” Magnus said, noticing that Raphael and Luke were both looking at him. “He came back to life during his funeral. I healed him, and with the help of Catarina, he has been recovering.” 

“Why didn't you tell us?” Raphael exclaimed. 

“Even the clave is not yet aware of what has happened,” Lydia said, a tired sigh escaping her lips. “I wanted to wait until Alec decided what he wanted to do. Today, he made the decision to resume his shadowhunter duties as soon as his health allows. Which is why forming this team is now more important than ever.” 

“How so?” Raphael asked, tilting his head to the side. “Of course I agree that hunting Jonathan down is something that needs to be done, but what does Alec coming back to life have to do with that? It's something we should be doing either way.” 

“I agree,” Lydia said smoothly. She stood, walking over to Alec’s desk and grabbing a file off of it. She walked back over, dropping it onto the table. “This is some evidence that a patrol found in an abandoned warehouse the other day. I believe that Jonathan is merely a pawn in Valentine’s plan to destroy the downworld. A very dangerous pawn. However, I do not believe that killing Alec was part of Valentine’s orders. I also do not believe that Jonathan just decided in that moment of the battle to kill Alec. He was planning on doing it all along.”

Lydia gestured to the folder. Magnus reached forward, opening it up. His heart dropped into his stomach as he looked at the pile of photos that were tucked inside. 

There was a picture of him and Alec walking home, carrying bags of their favorite takeaway restaurant. Alec was smiling widely as he listened to Magnus talk, the skin around his eyes crinkling in the way it did whenever he was genuinely happy. 

The next picture showed Alec in his office, the photo clearly taken through the crack in the door. Alec was reading over a file, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. 

There was a photo of Alec and Jace on the roof of the institute. Jace was talking while Alec fired his bow. Alec had a slightly annoyed expression on his face, but his eyes were filled with fondness. 

The next photo was of Alec, Izzy, and Max standing outside the institute. There was a smile on Alec’s face as he looked down at Max, who appeared to be talking enthusiastically. 

There were several more photographs, but Magnus couldn't bring himself to continue. 

In every single photo, a large red x had been drawn through Alec. 

“I think the instant Jonathan finds out that Alec is alive, he’ll come for him again,” Lydia said, gesturing toward the photos. “Alec told us that before the attack happened, he and Sebastian were supposed to go on a mission to Valentine’s cabin in Idris. He originally planned on killing Alec there. So while Valentine remains the main priority, we need to take Jonathan out as well. Immediately. And there's no one I trust more than the people in this room to do just that.” 

Magnus watched as everyone’s features shifted into fierce determination. Luke was the first to speak. 

“I will join the mission,” he said with a nod. “And if you're open to the idea, I'd like to suggest having patrols that combine shadowhunters and downworlders. Defeating Valentine isn't something either side can do alone. We need to work together to bring him down.” 

Lydia smiled warmly at him. “I am very open to discussing that idea. And I'm sure Alec will be, too. Alec and I are going to be operating as co-heads until he is completely healed. He will be resuming some of his duties tomorrow. I do ask that none of you share that he is alive until I have notified the institute and the clave, which is happening in the morning.” 

Luke nodded. 

“The vampires will help, too,” Raphael said. 

“As will some warlocks,” Magnus added. “I can't speak for everyone, but I know quite a few who would love nothing more than to help destroy Valentine and the circle.” 

“Great,” Lydia said, a satisfied grin on her face. “I will update Alec as soon as we are done here. I know he will want to be a part of this, but he is not yet cleared for field work, and at this time it is unclear when he will be. For the time being, his role will be based at the institute. I will discuss that with him further. Can we all plan to meet here tomorrow evening at seven to figure out our next steps?” 

Magnus nodded, watching as Luke and Raphael did the same. Simon still appeared to be in shock, but there was a huge grin on his face. 

“Thank you again,” Lydia said, pushing away from the table. “You are all dismissed, but feel welcome to stay as long as you wish.” 

Raphael turned to Magnus. “How long have you known about Alec?” 

“Since the funeral,” Magnus said, playing with his rings. 

Luke smiled slightly. “I knew something odd had happened, but I never would have guessed this.” 

“Neither would I,” Magnus said, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. “Sometimes I forget...and then I see him and remember that he is here. That he's alive. And that I get to spend forever with him, or until death finally catches up with us.” 

“Forever?” Raphael repeated, raising an eyebrow. 

“The angels did more than bring him back,” Magnus said. “They made him immortal.” 

Simon’s eyes widened comically wide. “No way! So like, I now have another immortal friend? I mean, I don't think Alec thinks of us as friends, but I have a way of growing on people.” 

Magnus smiled warmly at him. “Yes you do, Sherman.”


	10. Symbolism of War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience and continued support. This story means a lot to me & it's important to me to put a lot of time into it. Love you all! <3

“Warriors are not born and they are not made. Warriors create themselves through trial and error, pain and suffering, and their ability to conquer their own faults.” 

-

Jonathan stood on the roof, overlooking New York City with his arms crossed over his chest. A strange feeling had fallen over the city, blanketing it in a heavy cloud. Jonathan wasn't sure if it was simply from the rain that had been steadily falling for the past week, or if the city was subconsciously aware of the war that was being fought among the shadows. 

He welcomed the feeling of the rain on his skin, finding the sensation to be calming. The steady rainfall had faded to a soft drizzle, creating an eerie mist that loomed in the streets. 

He heard the sound of footsteps and turned to see Valentine walking toward him, hands clasped behind his back. 

“It's almost time to head to Idris,” Valentine said as he joined his side, eyes cast toward the city. “Malachi almost has the troops in place. The inquisitor has no idea.” 

“A lot of people have doubted your power,” Jonathan said, a small smirk on his lips. “But they won't for much longer.” 

“And you will be loyal to me?” Valentine said, raising an eyebrow. 

Jonathan turned to look at him. “Why wouldn't I be? I helped you escape, and I've helped you remain hidden. And now you doubt me?” 

“You blew your cover,” Valentine accused. “You shouldn't have gone to the battle at the Jade Wolf. I ordered you not to.” 

“Alec Lightwood was becoming a risk,” Jonathan argued. “He was starting to figure me out, and he was doing too good of a job of getting the shadowhunters and downworlders to work together. He needed to be taken care of.”

“I had other plans for Alec,” Valentine snapped, finally turning to face Jonathan. “Don't you get it, son? Every move must be carefully calculated. Every single one. Alec is Jace’s parabatai. Jace and Clary are powerful together, and the more they know about their powers, the more of a threat they become. I know that they will try to intercept us at Lake Lyn. And I know Alec would have been with them. I needed him there.” 

“Why?” Jonathan said, tilting his head to the side curiously. 

“I don't want to kill Jace if I don't have to. I know with a little convincing, he and Clary will join us. Alec could have been the pawn that made that possible. Jace is foolish, but noble, and he would have done anything to save his parabatai.” 

Jonathan remained silent as Valentine stared at him. 

“And now we have no pawn,” Valentine nearly snarled. 

“What about Isabelle?” Jonathan suggested. 

Valentine shook his head. “It won't have the same effect. Nothing compares to the bond of parabatai.” 

Jonathan tore his eyes away, looking back out at the city. 

Valentine sighed. “The past is the past. We must keep moving forward. As soon as we get the all clear, we head to Idris.” 

-

Alec shifted nervously from foot to foot as he stood in his office. Lydia was standing beside him, her eyes laced with a mixture of nervousness and determination. At any moment, Inquisitor Herondale would be arriving. 

Jace sat in one of the chairs, fidgeting with his stele. He was there mainly to support Alec, but also to calm his grandmother down if he needed to. It was no secret that she had a soft spot for him and would be more willing to listen to him if she became upset. 

There was a sudden sharp knock on the door, slicing through their silence like a knife. Lydia straightened her jacket and strode forward. 

“Inquisitor, thank you for coming on such short notice,” Lydia said as she pulled the door open. 

The inquisitor simply nodded, allowing Lydia to guide her into the office. 

“In your fire message, you mentioned that this had to do with the legend of immortal nephilim? What -” Inquisitor Herondale cut off as her eyes landed on Alec. 

The silence was deafening as they stared at each other for several moments. The inquisitor finally pulled her eyes away, looking at Lydia. 

“What is going on?” 

“The legends are true, Inquisitor,” Lydia said, straining to keep her voice even. “The angels brought Alec back.” 

“When? How?” 

“The day of his funeral,” Jace said, speaking up. “During the ceremony, a rune appeared above his body. The same rune is on his hand. A warlock recognized it, and she says  
she hasn't seen it in at least two hundred years. It means immortality, and only the angels can create it.” 

Alec stepped toward the inquisitor, holding his hand toward her so she could see the rune. She took his hand in hers, her grip surprisingly gentle, as she studied the rune. 

“The angels brought me back because we are at war,” Alec said, gaze serious. “I understand the meaning and depth to that, and I plan to continue to fight.” 

The inquisitor looked up at him, her gaze a mixture of emotions. She slowly let go of his hand, taking a small step back. 

“I am not surprised that the angels chose to bring you back, Mr. Lightwood,” she said suddenly, her voice soft, but strong. 

Lydia let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding while Jace and Alec looked at the inquisitor in surprise. 

“I know I've made mistakes in the past,” Inquisitor Herondale continued. “You've been a witness to a few of the recent ones. But I am trying to be better, and to improve my outlook on the world, both ours and that of the downworld. I am aware of what I have done wrong, and I intend to do better. You are one of the people who inspired that change in me. And I think you can inspire it in others, too.” 

Alec was speechless. “Th-thank you, Inquisitor.” 

“Who all knows about this?” She asked, her expression turning serious. 

“One institute medic, Izzy and Max Lightwood, Jace, Clary Fray, Luke Garroway, Raphael Santiago, Simon Lewis, Catarina Loss, and Magnus Bane,” Lydia said. “They have all been ordered to keep it quiet until I give the clear. Once this meeting is finished, we plan on telling the institute.” 

The inquisitor slowly nodded as she listened to Lydia speak. She turned back to Alec. “What is your plan now?” 

“For Lydia and I to operate as co-heads of the institute. My job here is unfinished, which is exactly why I am alive again.” 

“I appreciate your determination, Mr. Lightwood,” the inquisitor said. “I support this decision. I will support you here, and in Idris. But I want kept in the loop of things.” 

“Of course,” Lydia said, nodding once. 

“And may I ask, why were some of the New York City downworld leaders made aware of Alec’s situation before the clave?” Inquisitor Herondale asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Alec looked toward Lydia, clearly wondering the same thing, while Jace fidgeted in his seat. 

“When Alec was killed, that didn't just hurt the shadowhunters. That hurt the entire downworld, at least in New York. I saw a shift, a movement within the shadow world. People were angry, people wanted revenge, wanted action. I decided to act on those feelings. Luke, Raphael, Simon, and Magnus have agreed to form a team alongside of Izzy, Jace, and Clary to hunt down Jonathan and Valentine specifically. They are our biggest threat, and they need to be our main priority. The rest of the institute, and downworlders who choose to work with us, will deal with demon activity in the city and hunt down circle members. Like Alec has said many times, the only way we are winning this war is if we fight together.” 

The Inquisitor was quiet when Lydia was done speaking, clearly thinking. She turned to look at Alec. “What is your opinion on this team?” 

Alec looked torn. Jace knew that look anywhere, and he knew the only reason Alec was hesitant was because the team was composed of people he cared about deeply, and the idea of them getting hurt pained him.

Eventually, Alec straightened his shoulders and gave a firm nod. “I approve. We all need to work together.” 

The Inquisitor slowly nodded. “I will make the announcement about Alec being back to the institute,” she said. “I think you might receive better reactions that way.” 

Lydia and Alec both nodded.

-

Magnus stood beside Izzy toward the back of the crowd of shadowhunters gathered in the control room, having been called for the announcement. Maryse and Robert stood off to the side, arms crossed over their chests. It was clear that they suspected the announcement to be about the head of the institute, and they were upset that they had not been reselected. 

Max stood on Izzy’s other side, gripping her hand tightly. Clary stood a few steps away, arms crossed over her chest and jaw clenched as she scanned the room. Jace stood beside her, a calm expression on his face despite the emotions warring in his eyes. 

The inquisitor appeared, stepping toward the front of the steps, looking over the crowd. 

“Hello,” she greeted, her expression remaining calm and firm. “First, I would like to thank you all for fighting bravely in the battle at the Jade Wolf many days ago. The wolves are our allies in this war, and it is important that we help them.” 

A few surprised murmurs broke out, but quickly died down as the inquisitor began to speak again. 

“In times of war, the angels listen. They hear our pleas, they see our noble fights. And often, they send us aid. I know the loss of Alec Lightwood hit this institute hard, but I am happy to say the angels have decided to act. The legend of immortal nephilim is no longer a legend.” 

The inquisitor’s stoic expression shifted as she turned slightly, gesturing for someone to join her. Lydia appeared, followed closely by Alec. 

Magnus and Izzy smiled widely as gasps of shock broke out among the crowd. Magnus gazed around, taking in the mixture of happy and shocked faces. His eyes fell on Robert and Maryse, and his heart clenched. Robert was expressionless, looking at Alec as though he didn't recognize him. Maryse’s eyes were blown wide, a hand brought up to cover her mouth. Magnus tore his eyes away as Imogen called for quiet. 

“The angels have brought Alec back, and they have granted him immortality,” she called out. “He is aware of the responsibility bestowed upon him by the angels, and he is here to continue the fight to defeat Valentine. He and Lydia will act as co-heads on the institute while he fully recovers from his injuries received during the battle at the Jade Wolf.” 

Now that some of the shock had worn off, several people nodded. 

“Furthermore,” Imogen continued, “the downworld is our allies in this war. Several New York members have expressed interest in assisting to catch Valentine. Therefore, those willing will be patrolling the city or even joining in on shadowhunter patrols. Alec and Lydia can go more in depth on this once everything is in place. You are expected to treat our allies appropriately. Anyone who doesn't will have to answer to the clave.”

With that, Imogen nodded and took a step back, disappearing out of sight. 

“Dismissed,” Lydia said, and the people gathered quickly broke out of their stiff postures. 

Magnus watched as many made their way toward Alec, welcoming him back. Magnus couldn't help but feel pride and happiness swirl within him at the sight. His Alexander was moving mountains in the shadow world, and this was only just the beginning. 

-

Magnus sat with Luke, Raphael, and Simon while they waited for Clary, Jace, and Izzy to join them. After the announcement to the institute, Alec had been swarmed by shadowhunters as they welcomed him back. Once he had managed to break free, he had returned to the infirmary. Magnus knew that Alec didn't like being the center of attention, it was clear he was emotionally spent by the time noon rolled around. 

Magnus had returned to his loft, wanting to take time to prepare for the meeting. He needed to be the High Warlock of Brooklyn now, not just Alec’s boyfriend. 

Sitting in the office with the others brought him back to the first downworld cabinet meeting that Alec had led. While it hadn’t exactly been an amazing success, it had been a step in the right direction. So much had changed since then, but Magnus supposed that was part of war. No war could be won without war, both good and bad. 

And while Alec was back in his life, Magnus couldn’t control the pit that had settled in his stomach. He couldn’t help but think that Alec was only the beginning of many more tragedies to come. 

The door to the office they were seated in opened, pulling Magnus from his thoughts. Alec appeared, both exhaustion and a hint of seriousness clear in his eyes. 

He was dressed in dark jeans and a navy blue sweatshirt that was one size too big, but he still somehow managed to look like a runway model. It was something Magnus would never understand, and something that he wished Alec would realize about himself. 

Luke immediately stood, walking forward and pulling Alec in for a hug. A smile ghosted Magnus’s lips at the sight. 

“It's good to have you back,” Luke said, holding him tightly for a moment, an easy smile on his face as he stepped back but kept a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “It wasn't the same without you.” 

“I'm glad to be back,” Alec said, offering Luke a tired smile. 

“Some other time, I have a lot of questions for you,” Luke added, raising his eyebrows slightly, “but that's something we can discuss over a beer and some pizza.” 

Alec smiled and gave a small nod. “Sounds good.” 

As soon as Luke stepped back, Alec was engulfed in Simon’s arms. Alec went rigid, caught off guard. He looked over Simon’s shoulder, silently begging Magnus for help. Magnus’s smile grew. 

“Simon,” Raphael said, sounding exasperated, and stood, pulling the young vampire off of him. 

“Sorry,” Simon said, flashing an awkward grin and stepping back to stand beside Luke. 

Raphael held his hand out toward Alec, who shook it. They shared a nod, and then Raphael stepped back. 

Alec gestured for them all to sit, and then he slowly sat in the empty chair beside Magnus. Jace, Clary, Izzy, and Lydia would be joining soon. There had been no word from the Seelies since Alec's death, but they had left a chair for Meliorn anyway. 

“You don't have to do this,” Alec said suddenly, looking at each of them. “Going after Valentine and Jonathan is dangerous. You don't have to do this out of revenge over what he did to me. I'd never ask that of any of you. I would never ask any of you to put your lives at risk like this, for me.” 

It was silent for several moments. Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. 

It was Luke who spoke first. 

“This isn't just about you,” Luke said. “Believe me, I was enraged and devastated when Jonathan killed you. It was awful, and I did feel the need for revenge. I wanted nothing more than to go after him right then and there and hunt him down. But it's about more than just that. Valentine and Jonathan are a threat to all of us, to our clans and our packs. Yes, a tiny part of this might be about avenging you. But a much bigger part of it is about defeating the assholes who threaten our world. It's worth fighting for, and the risks are a part of war.”

Everyone else nodded in agreement. 

“We love you, man,” Simon said, flashing a grin. “And we love our people. We have to fight for them.” 

Raphael looked toward Simon, a hint of pride in his eyes, before looking back at Alec and nodding once. 

“Alexander,” Magnus said gently. “We know the risks that come with this mission, and we accept them. Jonathan and Valentine must be stopped.” 

“Not only are we your allies,” Raphael added, speaking up for the first time, “but we are leaders of the downworlders in New York. We have to look out for our people, and we have to fight for them. Just as you do for your people.” 

“I don't believe that the angels brought me back just to fight for my people,” Alec said softly, linking his fingers together. “I'm going to continue to fight for your people as well. For _our_ people. We're in this together.” 

Magnus nodded. “Yes we are. And that's why we're fighting together. It's the only way we're going to win this war.” 

The door to the office opened, and Jace, Izzy, Clary, and Lydia filed in. Lydia smiled when she saw Alec. 

“I was hoping you'd join us,” she said as she sat, followed by the others. 

“I know I'm not cleared for field work yet, but I want to be a part of this mission,” Alec said. 

“Then we're in agreement,” Lydia said, nodding once. “Until you are cleared for fieldwork, you will operate here.” She turned toward Luke. “Did you bring the earpieces?” 

Jace’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Luke nodded, setting a box on the table. 

“I took some earpieces from the station today,” he said. “They will allow us to be in constant communication with each other. Including you,” he added, gesturing toward Alec. “You'll be able to hear us, and to talk to us. They also have a tracking chip in them, so you will be able to know our whereabouts at all times.” 

Alec visibly relaxed slightly, reaching forward to grab one of the ear pieces and looking at it. 

“Okay,” Lydia said, regaining everyone's attention. “The first thing I'd like to discuss today is a leader of this group. They won't have direct control over everyone, but a leader is needed. Someone to make the tough calls if it comes down to it, someone to designate specific duties. You're all great and were specifically chosen for this mission, so I leave this decision up to you. I really don't think there's a wrong choice.” 

Lydia leaned back, waiting for someone to speak up. 

“I say Luke,” Simon said, breaking the silence, gesturing toward Luke with his hand. “I have mad respect for you and everything you've done. You have good judgment, and you always look out for everyone.” 

Clary smiled at Simon while everyone else looked mildly surprised at how calmly Simon had expressed his thoughts, a serious expression on his face. 

“I appreciate your faith in me, Simon,” Luke said, gazing warmly at the young vamp. And then he shifted his stare to the rest of the table. “However, I think there's more to this than simply choosing who we think may be good at this. Leaders of course must be good at what they do, but they also must be symbolic, to an extent.” 

Magnus tilted his head to the side, trying to figure out where Luke was going with this. 

Luke continued. “War is won by soldiers - by their strength, their courage, and their will to not give up. We're all soldiers. The shadowhunters are soldiers, and the downworlders are soldiers. But soldiers need to be inspired. Sometimes they need more than just right or wrong as a reason to fight. The downworld has been mistreated for many, many years, and now their entire existence is threatened. Because of this, they are weary to trust the nephilim to help them.” 

Raphael nodded slowly, while Magnus glanced toward Alec, who was sharing a long look with Jace and Izzy. 

Luke turned toward Alec. “That changed when you came along. When you stepped into leadership, you began fighting for the downworld. You're not the first person to attempt to make better allegiance with the us, but you are the first who truly cares about the cause, and is actually willing to openly fight for it. Downworlders recognized that. You became a symbol. And I think that is exactly why Jonathan killed you. He recognized how the attitude among the downworld was shifting, how people were responding to what you were doing, and therefor the ranks were growing.” 

“It's true,” Raphael said, speaking up. “I’ve never seen so many vampires willing to fight until you came along.” 

Alec said nothing, shifting slightly under all the gazes that were turned on him. Magnus placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Jace beamed at him proudly. 

“I propose that you should lead us,” Luke said, gesturing toward Alec. “You've become a symbol of this war. And I truly believe that when people see that you are alive, and that you are still fighting for us, a new will and determination to fight will spread. It will reignite the fight against Valentine and the circle.” 

“But I won't be in the field,” Alec said softly. “How can I lead when I can't even fight?” 

“You're improving every day,” Magnus said, squeezing where his hand still rested on his shoulder. “It's only a matter of time before you can join us in the field. And like Luke said, you're a symbol. The fact that you're alive and not giving up - that's all the downworld needs to see.” 

“I don't want to be just a symbol,” Alec said, clenching his hands into fists. “I can't inspire people to fight and then sit around and do nothing.”

“You're not doing nothing,” Clary said, speaking up for the first time. “You're working everyday to get back in the field, and you're resuming your duties as co-head of the institute. That's far from nothing.” 

“She’s right, Alec,” Izzy said gently despite the fierceness in her eyes. “And so is Luke.” 

Jace nodded in agreement. “You already know that I’ll follow you anywhere,” he said. “It's like I told you before - I'm a solider, but you're a _leader_. We need you to lead us.” 

“I think it's a unanimous vote,” Lydia said, a hint of a smile on her lips. 

Alec looked at each of them before slowly sitting up straight. “Alright. Let's move onto the next order of business, then. We need to locate Jonathan and Valentine, and we need to do it as soon as possible. So, what's our next step?”


	11. Take a Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas (if you celebrate it) or a wonderful month of December!

_“Yes, I have been through some terrible things. Yes, I have been brought to nothing, and yes, the light in me has been put out. But even after a fire has been put out, it can be started again.”_

-

Magnus stepped inside his loft, feeling a flicker of hope in his heart despite the exhaustion that threatened to completely consume him. They had made a lot of progress at the first planning session, and Magnus felt confident that the team would be successful in catching Valentine and Sebastian...eventually. 

He strode forward, reaching his couch and immediately sinking into the cushions. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, too tired to make the trip to the bedroom and climb in bed. 

He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there, but Magnus knew some time had passed when he heard the sound of his door opening. His head snapped up, his magic flaring up in his palms as he scrambled to his feet, ready to defend himself. 

A familiar mess of dark hair nearly concealed by a baseball cap and sweatshirt hood stepped through the doorway, and Magnus’s heart leapt. 

“ _Alec?_ What the hell are you doing here?” He exclaimed, walking toward him as the magic died out in is palms. 

Alec met him halfway, placing a hand on Magnus’s waist and connecting their lips. Magnus allowed himself to sink into the kiss for a moment, reminded of all the hello kisses that he and Alec had shared. And then he abruptly pulled back, keeping his hands on Alec’s shoulders as he looked at him. 

“What are you doing here?” He demanded. “How - how did you get here? You’re supposed to be on bed rest still -”

“Magnus -”

“-and you’re not supposed to leave the institute -”

“Magnus, it’s okay,” Alec said softly, cupping his cheeks. “I was careful -”

“You were _careful?_ Are you kidding? It’s not okay, Alec!” Magnus suddenly shouted, pushing Alec’s hands away but remaining inches apart. “It’s _not_ okay!” 

Alec’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his hands remaining raised and bent at the elbows from when they had been cupping Magnus’s face. 

“You died, Alec! You died and there was nothing I could do about it!” Magnus continued, tears gathering in his eyes as he pointed at Alec. “I watched you die, and I watched fucking Sebastian or Jonathan or whoever the hell he is gloat about it! It was planned, Alec. He wanted to kill you. And that means that you have a target on your back. You - you can’t just go walking around! You can’t risk your life like that - like your life is insignificant. Because it’s not! It’s not, Alec! You matter to so many people! So no, it’s not okay, Alec. It’s _not_.” 

It fell silent in the apartment. Magnus ran his hands through his hair, taking a few steps back and turning away as he held in a scream.

“I just - I needed to see you,” Alec said softly, barely breaking the silence that had fallen over them like a heavy blanket. “Outside of the institute, away from all this - this craziness. I needed to be with you at home. Because that institute isn’t home for me. It hasn’t been in a long time. You know that.”

Magnus lowered his hands, turning back to look at Alec. His expression softened slightly. 

“I know that, yes,” he whispered, taking a small step back toward Alec. He let out a shaky sigh, the tears falling from his eyes. He wiped at them angrily, looking at Alec in defeat. 

Alec closed the distance between them, gently taking Magnus’s face in his hands again. “It’s okay,” he whispered, wiping gently at Magnus’s tears with his thumbs. “I’m here. It’s okay.” 

“But it wasn’t okay, Alexander,” Magnus whispered brokenly, holding back a sob as he looked up at Alec. “When you died, it - it was the most _unbearable_ pain I have ever felt. I’ve suffered through a lot, you know that. You’ve been my rock through a lot of it. Losing you, it was like forgetting how to breath. And I can’t - I _won’t_ go through that again. So you can’t take risks like that, okay? Because I can’t take losing you again. I won’t be able to live through it.” 

Alec moved his hands from Magnus’s face and instead wrapped his arms around Magnus, pulling him tightly into his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” he said thickly, tears in his eyes as he held Magnus. He buried his face in Magnus’s hair, breathing in his familiar scent. “I just feel like even though I’m back, we’re still so far apart. Like there’s this barrier between us, stopping us from going back to how things used to be.”

Magnus let out a shaky breath against Alec’s neck before leaning back and gently cupping Alec’s face. “Things won’t ever be how they used to be, darling,” he said softly. “Not really. Too much has changed. But my love for you, _that_ has not changed. I will always love you, Alexander. And we will get through this. And when this war is over, I have a feeling things will go back to how they used to be, at least a little.” 

“I’m sorry,” Alec whispered. 

“You don’t need to apologize anymore,” Magnus said, playing with the hair at the nape of Alec’s neck. “You’re here and you’re safe. That’s what matters.”

“That’s not what I was apologizing for,” Alec said, dipping his head slightly. 

Magnus tilted his head to the side, eyebrows furrowing. 

“I’m sorry I put you through so much,” Alec said, a slight tremble in his voice. “Part of me can’t help but feel selfish for loving you. I knew the pain you would someday suffer for being with me, that I would someday die, yet I couldn’t walk away. I loved you too much to handle the idea of not being with you. And to be here now, and see how much I’ve hurt you, I’m just - I’m so sorry, Magnus. I -”

“I would take the pain over and over again to be with you, Alec,” Magnus said, not a hint of doubt in his voice as he cut Alec off. “I’d go through hell and back for you, and I know that you would do the same for me. Any type of pain is worth it if it means that I get to love you.” 

“I don’t want to be the reason you’re in pain,” Alec whispered, looking back up to meet Magnus’s gaze. 

“Alexander,” Magnus breathed. “Love hurts sometimes. But I think that’s how you know it’s real. Because despite the pain, you know it’s worth it. Every ounce of it is worth it.” 

Alec stared at him for several moments, unable to form words. 

“I love you, Alexander,” Magnus continued, a small smile forming on his lips as he offered a small shrug. “And there’s nothing within me that ever wants that to change. I always knew that a part of me would love you forever, and now I actually do get to love you forever. We have all the time in the world, darling. And as painful as it was to get to this point, a part of me can’t help but feel that it was worth it.” 

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus, holding him tight as he buried his face in Magnus's shoulder. 

“I love you,” he said into the material of his shirt. “I love you so much.” 

Magnus kissed his temple. “I love you, too.” 

 

-

“What the hell were you thinking?” Jace snapped the moment Alec stepped through the portal into the institute. 

“Not you, too,” Alec said, moving to make his way out of the infirmary. “I’ve already received the lecture from Magnus and Izzy. I’m sorry, okay?” 

Jace caught up to him in the hallway, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around. 

“You can’t just go sneaking off like that -”

“Jace, I’m fine,” Alec insisted, cutting him off. 

Jace rolled his eyes, but his gaze remained hard. “I’m serious, Alec! You could have gotten hurt.” 

“I know, and I’m sorry,” Alec said, attempting to keep his voice calm. “I just needed out of the institute for a bit, okay? I know I should have said something instead of texting you once I was there, but I also knew there was no way you would have let me go. At least not alone. And I’m really tired of being treated like I can’t even walk without help.” 

“You died, Alec.”

“I know!” Alec exclaimed, throwing his arms out. “Every stare I get, every step I take, every conversation I have with someone is a reminder of that. Yes, I died, Jace. And I am so sorry that you had to go through that pain. You know that if I could somehow change how things happened, I would. But I can’t. No one can. But it’s in the past. It’s over. I’m back. And I’m not going anywhere this time, okay? I’m alive and that’s what we need to focus on.” 

“Is there a problem here?” A voice cut in. The voice was full of authority, but there was a hint of timidness, too. 

Jace stiffened. Alec slowly turned around to find himself face to face with Maryse. Not once had she or his father come to see him since they had found out he was alive. He hadn’t said anything or asked why, afraid to ask anyone because he knew he would hate the answer. 

No one said a word. Maryse exhaled before walking toward Alec. Alec remained still as she approached, feeling like his legs were glued to the floor. 

After a moment of hesitation, she reached out, placing her hands on Alec’s shoulders as she looked up at him. Her lips trembled slightly as her eyes filled with unshed tears. 

“Alec,” she said, swallowing thickly as she tried to remain composed. “I wanted to apologize on behalf of your father and I. Our...attitude toward you before...it was wrong of us. I want you to know that we are proud of you being the head of the institute. I may not agree with your methods, but I...I am proud of you nonetheless.” 

Alec said nothing, staring back at her. When he looked at her, all he could see was the disgust-filled eyes that had been directed at him from the moment he had come out up until the moment he had died. Although she was looking at him differently now, he couldn’t unsee it. He wasn’t sure if he ever could. 

“Where’s dad?” Alec asked, mouth set in a frown. 

Maryse pulled her hands back, slowly lowering them. She let out another sigh. 

“He’s returned to Idris,” she said. “He’s needed there.” 

Alec opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. He nodded once, taking a small step back from his mother. 

“Is there anything else you need?” Alec said curtly, looking off to the side for a moment before looking back at her. “I have somewhere I need to be.” 

She lowered her gaze before looking back at him and squaring her shoulders, a look of blank neutrality masking her face. “No, I...that’s all.” 

Alec nodded once before continuing down the hall, walking toward his office. He heard footsteps behind him, and knew that Jace was following him. He paused, hesitating a moment before turning to face Jace. 

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, the words coming out in a rush. “I know you’re just worried. I’d be feeling the same way as you if the roles were reversed. I can’t imagine how you felt when I died...but I’m here, Jace. I’m here.” 

“I can’t feel you, Alec.” 

Alec froze, his eyes flickering down to where Jace’s parabatai rune was concealed by his shirt before looking back at his face. “What?” 

“I - I mean, you’re there,” Jace forced out, “but it -it’s so faint. Like I weak pulse. Sometimes it feels like my heart is literally going to stop beating because for a brief moment, I forget that you’re back because your presence - it’s - it’s not there. Not like it used to be. Can...can you feel me?” 

Alec’s hand hovered over his rune. “Yes,” he said softly. “But it’s faint. I assumed it was because the bond was still reforming…”

Jace blinked hard, trying to keep his emotions at bay. “I’m sorry for snapping at you,” he said, voice stiff. 

“Jace -”

“I’m sorry,” Jace repeated, quickly spinning around. 

“Jace!” Alec called after him, but Jace didn’t turn back, disappearing around the corner. 

Alec sighed, letting his head hang for a moment. And then he straightened, rolling his shoulders, and made his way toward his office. 

-

Jace stared down the punching bag, landing punch after ruthless punch. He fought the urge to think about anything but the bag in front of him. He even fought the urge to blink, because every time he did, images of a bleeding and lifeless Alec flashed through his mind. 

He couldn’t escape the images - the memory of Alec being killed right in front of him. He would never be able to forget it. 

He slammed his fist against the punching bag, ignoring the tingling sensation that traveled up his arm. He continued the onslaught, oblivious to his surroundings. 

“Is this a Lightwood thing?” a voice said from behind, snapping him out of his trance. 

Jace turned to see Magnus standing in the entryway to the training room, his expression a mask of amusement despite the concern that glimmered in his eyes. 

Jace bit down a sigh, finally stepping away from the punching bag. They were both silent, Magnus watching as Jace began to unwrap his hands, signaling he was done with his assault on the punching bag. 

“I feel like we haven’t gotten a chance to talk since Alec returned,” Magnus said, breaking the silence and taking a few steps into the room. “Not really anyway...how are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Jace said, not looking up as he put the punching bag away. 

“Is that a Lightwood thing, too?” Magnus said, raising an eyebrow. 

Jace finally looked at him. “What?”

“Saying you’re fine when you’re clearly not.” 

Jace clamped his mouth shut, looking down again. Magnus moved a few steps closer. 

“Jace,” he said gently, “you don’t have to do that. Not with me. You are important to Alec, which means you are important to me. You drive me crazy sometimes, but you’re family now. And if there is anything that I have learned from you Lightwood siblings, it’s that you will do anything for each other. I love Alec so incredibly much. More than I have ever loved anyone. I hope to spend the rest of my life with him. And that makes you my family.” 

Jace stared at Magnus for several moments before his reserve broke and he allowed Magnus to pull him into his arms, holding him as he cried. With a flick of Magnus’s wrist, the door to the training room closed, giving them some privacy. 

“I thought now that Alec is back,” Jace forced out, “the pain would go away. But - but it’s like sometimes it feels like he’s not really here. Like I’m seeing a ghost. And that one of these times, I’m going to blink, and he’s going to be gone. Forever this time. And I don’t - I don’t think I could live through that. Not again. And I know, _I know_ , that he’s alive. I know he’s back. But I just can’t get rid of this - this overwhelming fear that I’m going to lose him again.” 

Jace took a step back, wiping at his eyes, his shoulders slumped. 

“I worry about him, too,” Magnus said, understanding the message within Jace’s words. “When he showed up at the loft last night, I wanted to blast him with all the magic I have. I was so furious. And then I wanted to wrap him in my magic so that nothing could ever hurt him again. Losing someone...it changes you. It makes every part of life a little bit harder. Grief - it’s a nasty thing. There’s songs about it, books about how to deal with it. The world prepares you for grief. It doesn’t prepare you for when the person you’re grieving suddenly comes back.” 

Jace cling to his every word. “Do you think this terrified feeling will ever go away? It’s like an icy claw gripping my heart.” 

Magnus forced himself to smile. “I like to hope so.” 

-

Alec sat at his desk, watching Lydia as she paced back and forth. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her shoulders were tense. 

“When’s the last time you slept?” Alec asked, and she finally paused in her steps. 

“I got a few hours last night,” she said, dropping some into a chair with a sigh. “A patrol of vampires caught Jonathan’s scent near the Hunter’s Moon last night. He’s hiding right under our noses. I’m worried that he was so close to another downworlder hotspot. First the Jade Wolf, now this. There’s no way that’s a coincidence.” 

“We could double up on the patrols near places that downworlders frequent,” Alec said. “We can’t let what happened at the Jade Wolf happen again.” 

Lydia stared at him intensely. “No, we can’t,” she agreed, her voice wavering slightly. “But we’re already spread too thin. New York is too big. If we double up on patrols -”

“We leave the institute vulnerable,” Alec sighed, leaning back in his chair. 

“Exactly,” Lydia said, throwing her arms up in exasperation. 

Alec leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk as he thought. “What if we recruit more?”

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, we have the New York vampires on our side, and Magnus’s friends and Luke’s pack. But Luke’s pack isn’t the only one in New York. And there’s High Warlocks from other districts. We should talk to them. And we can reach out to other institutes, ask them to send reinforcements.” 

“It’s a good idea,” Lydia said, standing up and walking toward him. “But I’m afraid the other downworlders won’t trust me. They were just starting to trust you. And no one outside of the Imogen, the institute, or the downworlder council knows that you’re back.” 

Alec nodded and then looked at Lydia, sharing a long, knowing look. “I think it’s time the rest of the world knows I’m alive.” 

“Jonathan might come for you,” Lydia warned. 

“Let him,” Alec said, determination laced in his voice. “I’m done hiding.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to reach out to me on Tumblr: lovelywritesx


	12. A Pocket of Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!
> 
> I have risen from the dead (caused by severe writers block) to FINALLY bring you a new chapter. I do apologize for not updating for months, not a day has gone by where I haven't thought about this chapter but no matter how many times I tried to write it, I just couldn't be satisfied with it. 
> 
> I am not 100% sure if I'm happy with it now, but I knew I needed to post SOMETHING. So I hope you enjoy this chapter and that I am just being my own worst critic. I'm sorry if there's any mistakes, I'm determined to get this posted tonight so it's probably not as well proof-read as it could be.

_“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.”_

**2 Weeks Later**

Alec blinked his eyes open, greeted by sunlight filtering in through the bedroom window. He rolled over to see that Magnus was already awake, gazing at him lovingly. 

“How long have you been awake?” Alec asked softly. 

“Most of the night,” Magnus admitted, suppressing a smile at Alec’s bed hair. 

Alec propped himself up on one elbow. “What’s wrong?” 

“With you by my side, absolutely nothing,” Magnus said. 

A light blush spread across Alec’s cheeks as he slowly sat up, the sheets tangled around his long limbs. “You sure? No more secrets, remember?”

Magnus sat up as well, their knees touching. “I’m sure, other than the impending war, of course, nothing is wrong. The reason I couldn’t sleep...it’s a happy reason. I hope.” 

Alec furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Magnus took ahold of one of Alec’s hands, holding it gently. 

“Alexander,” Magnus said softly. “I love you so much. More than words can describe. More than I have ever loved anyone. You are brave, and kind, and so strong-willed, and those are all things that I admire. You’re not afraid to challenge me or to push me to be the best that I can be. You make me a better person, and I am so grateful for that.” 

Magnus moved slightly closer, keeping ahold of Alec’s hand. Alec stared at him, the light blush still on his cheeks and a small smile ghosting his lips as he listened, rendered speechless by Magnus’s words. 

“When I thought that I had lost you,” Magnus continued, “I realized that I would never, ever love someone like I love you. There would be no moving on from you, Alexander Lightwood. Not truly. When you came back into my life, I can’t even begin to describe how I felt. How it still feels. And I realized, not only did I want to spend forever with you, I now actually can spend forever with you. And there’s nothing that could make me happier about that. Except for one thing.” 

Alec tilted his head to the side slightly, eyebrows furrowed. With his free hand, Magnus gestured between them and with a quick flash of purple, a ring appeared in his fingers. Alec’s eyes widened and he looked at Magnus in disbelief. 

“Magnus…”

“The only thing that could make me even happier is if we vowed to spend eternity together, officially,” Magnus said, a slight tremble in his voice and tears of happiness and love beginning to gather in his eyes. “Alexander, will you marry me?” 

Alec’s eyes flickered between Magnus’s face and the ring he held in his fingers. It was a simple black band, but Alec could see a small arrow engraved in silver on the inside. 

“This is the part where you’re supposed to answer,” Magnus choked out. 

“Yes!” Alec exclaimed, a laugh of happiness escaping his lips as Magnus let out a relieved sigh. 

Magnus gently slid the ring onto Alec’s finger, smiling at how perfectly it fit. Alec looked down at his hand for a moment before looking up at Magnus. 

“I love you,” Alec whispered. “And you totally stole my thunder. I wanted to be the one to propose.” 

Magnus laughed. “I couldn’t wait any longer.” 

“I’m still buying you a ring,” Alec said, a stubborn smile on his face. 

“Oh, think you can one up me, Lightwood?” Magnus said playfully. 

Alec leaned closer. “Most definitely.” 

Magnus wrapped his arms around him, pulling Alec forward and connecting their lips. Alec smiled against his lips, letting Magnus pull him into his warm embrace and back into the depth of the blankets.

-

Luke took a bite of his pizza, watching the boy who sat across from him carefully. When Luke had first met Alec Lightwood, this is the last thing he ever imagined them one day doing. Yet here they were, sharing a pizza and drinking beer in the Jade Wolf at two in the morning. 

Luke never imagined that he would ever one day consider a Lightwood as a close friend. Never again, anyway. 

But Alec was different, and he always managed to catch Luke by surprise. 

At the moment, Alec was dressed in black jeans and an oversized black sweatshirt that Luke guessed was a gift from Simon based on the weird logo on the front. He knew that Alec would normally never be caught wearing something like that, but he was still trying to keep a low profile until they decided their next big move. 

A holster was strapped to his thigh, the handle of a seraph blade sticking out. His bow rested on the ground, leaning against their table and hidden to those without the sight. His hood was up, nearly concealing his face and his sleeve was pulled down to hide the immortality rune on his left hand. 

Luke stared at the hand for a moment before his eyes drifted toward the back of the restaurant and lingering on the door that led out to the parking lot - the place where Alec had died. 

“You okay?” Alec said, breaking Luke from his thoughts. 

Luke tore his gaze away to look back at Alec, who had pushed his hood back slightly to show more of his face. He was looking at Luke with a curious, but guarded expression. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Luke said. “I guess - I guess I’m just still trying to wrap my mind around this whole thing. You being back, I mean. Part of me can’t help but feel like -”

“You’re seeing a ghost?” Alec cut in, a small smile on his lips. 

Luke sighed, mirroring Alec’s small smile. “Yeah.” 

Alec’s smile slowly disappeared and he set his slice of pizza down. “Jace said something similar to that,” he said softly, absentmindedly rubbing his parabatai rune. 

He glanced behind him toward where Jace and Clary sat at another table, appearing deep in a serious conversation. He tore his eyes away, looking back at Luke. 

“Give him time,” Luke said gently. “He was...he was devastated when you died. It’s going to take some time for him to stop feeling that way, or for him to stop fearing that it’ll happen again.” 

“It could,” Alec said, staring intently at Luke, the way only a Lightwood could. 

Luke returned his gaze. “What do you mean?” 

“There’s no way we all make it out of this alive,” Alec said, voice strained and a vulnerability in his eyes that Luke had never witnessed in a shadowhunter. “There’s too much at stake and too much that could go wrong. This war is so much bigger than me, or Jace, or you. It’s bigger than all of us, we’re just pawns. Important pawns. It’s like a chess game. And there’s no way to save all the pieces. People are going to die, Luke.” 

Alec’s stare didn’t falter as he looked at Luke, who remained silent. 

“Me being brought back...” Alec continued softly. “It’s another move in the game. And the more I think about it…the more I can’t help but feel that...that it’s only a matter of time before a countermove is made. A big one. And I can’t help but fear that we won’t all make it out of it.” 

Their beer and pizza sat, disregarded and forgotten. 

Luke nodded once at Alec. “You’re probably right. But none of us are going down without a fight, I can promise you that. And I can promise you that we will win this. We will win this game. We have the winning move, even if we don’t know what it is yet.” 

Alec gazed over to where Magnus sat beside Izzy, laughing at something Catarina had said. They were only a few tables away. The others were there as well, enjoying a moment of bliss together.

He tore his gaze away from Magnus, looking back at Luke. “I need you to promise me one more thing.” 

“Anything,” Luke said without a moment of hesitation. 

“If something goes wrong, if we lose, promise me that you’ll look after everyone,” Alec said, voice barely above a whisper. “That you will all get out of New York and find somewhere safe.” 

“Alec -”

“I need you to promise me this, Luke,” Alec said, and Luke felt his protests dying in his throat at the desperate tone of Alec’s voice. 

“You talk like you won’t be with us,” Luke said slowly, gazing at Alec intently. 

Alec blinked once, but otherwise didn’t break eye contact. “The angels brought me back to help win this war. If we lose, if we fail, then I have failed. And I imagine that whatever is the fate of this war is the fate of me as well.” 

Luke felt a pit settle in stomach. 

“Please. Please promise me that you’ll help them find happiness, no matter what happens. And that you’ll find happiness, too. I need you to promise me that you’ll look out for them. I just need to know that no matter what, you’ll all be safe.” 

Luke felt as though he was speaking with his mouth full of nails. “I promise.” 

Alec blinked at him gratefully. “Thank you.” 

A glint of something caught Luke’s attention, and he looked down to see that Alec’s sweatshirt sleeve had slipped off his hand, revealing a ring on Alec’s finger. 

Luke grinned. “Magnus finally did it.” 

Alec looked down at the ring, a smile ghosting his lips, before looking back at Luke. “You knew?” 

“I didn’t know that he had actually bought a ring,” Luke said, “but come on, everyone knew that it was only a matter of time. I’ve know Magnus for a long time. Not as well as I know him now, but I’ve never seen him love someone the way he loves you. You’re his person. His soulmate, if you believe in any of that stuff. And at first, I almost thought it was sad, because he would eventually lose you. But I also thought it was, in a way, tragically beautiful that he would spend your lifetime loving you unconditionally. And then, well now, he maybe doesn’t have to lose you. I refuse to believe that you won’t make it out of this war alive. Both of you. And then you will have forever to spend together.” 

Alec tore his eyes away, looking down at the ring, overwhelmed with a range of emotions. 

“Have you told anyone?” Luke asked quietly.

“Not yet. It seems so...happy in comparison to everything around us right now.” 

Luke gazed at him knowingly. “It’s hard to feel happy for yourself when so many bad things are happening. I get it.” 

“Yeah,” Alec said absently, eyes drifting back down to the ring. 

“Alec, I need you to promise me something, too.” 

Alec looked back up at Luke. 

“I need you to promise me that you will fight as hard as you possibly can to win this war,” Luke said, tone serious. “Not for the angels, not for the clave, but for everyone here in this room who loves you. We’ve lost you once, and we will not lose you again. Not if there is something any of us can do about it.” 

Alec’s eyes wandered, first landing on his parabatai, who was looking at Clary like she was the light of his world. He hadn't seen Jace so truly happy in a long time, and Alec was happy that Jace had finally found his person. 

Izzy was seated with Simon, a soft smile on her lips as she watched him talk animatedly about something, gesturing wildly with his hands as he spoke. Raphael sat with them, the same expression he always wore on his face. But he seemed to be carrying himself differently, almost lighter, as if there wasn’t some invisible weight on his shoulders anymore. Catarina was also there, having just finished a shift at the hospital. She sat at the end of the table, an amused expression on her face. 

Alec’s eyes finally fell on Magnus, who was seated beside Raphael. Magnus’s smile made Alec’s heart skip a beat every time he saw it. Alec was proud of himself for how well he had gotten to know Magnus. Every little smile, from his polite smile to his true smile that made his eyes crinkle. The far away look in his eyes whenever he was in deep thought or lost in his memories. The look of happiness that captured his entire face when he was truly excited or happy about something. Every little detail, Alec had gotten to know and love. 

Magnus’s eyes drifted toward him and their eyes met. Magnus flashed him a loving smile, which Alec quickly returned. And then Alec tore his eyes away to look back at Luke. 

“I promise,” he said softly. 

Luke nodded, a hint of a smile on his otherwise serious face. His eyes drifted past Alec and Alec turned to see Magnus walking toward their table. He placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder, leaning down and kissing his temple. 

“I suppose a congrats is in order?” Luke said, a wicked grin on his face as he lifted his glass toward them. 

“You told him?” Magnus said, looking down at Alec from where he still stood beside him. 

“He saw the ring,” Alec said, a faint blush of happiness on his cheeks. 

“Don’t bother trying to hide it,” Luke said, his smile softer now. “I think everyone could use a little bit of happy news right now.” 

Alec and Magnus shared a long look before Magnus grinned, unable to contain his smile. 

“I think he’s right,” Magnus said smugly, a twinkle in his eye. “Plus I’ve been dying to show off the ring I got my fiancé.” 

Alec’s blush deepened and he hid his face in his hands. Magnus laughed, wrapping his arms around Alec’s shoulders from behind and kissing his hair. 

Luke stood, clinking his knife against his beer mug to get everyone’s attention, grinning widely. Alec continued to hide his face while Magnus beamed. 

“Now that I have your attention,” Luke said dramatically, “Magnus and Alec have an announcement.” 

Everyone turned to look at them curiously. Magnus grabbed Alec’s left hand, holding it in his as he looked down at Alec lovingly. Alec looked up at him, a soft smile on his lips. Magnus gave his hand a squeeze before turning to face everyone. 

“Alexander and I…” Magnus said, lifting Alec’s left hand into the air to show the ring, “are engaged.” 

Izzy gasped, leaping to her feet and rushing forward, ripping Alec’s hand out of Magnus’s in order to see the ring. Raphael choked on his drink while Catarina grinned widely, her features a mixture of shock and happiness.

Clary stood as well, hurrying forward to see the ring. Jace followed more slowly, a mixture of emotions on his face. Alec had stood now, his hand being held by Izzy as she gushed to Magnus over the ring. Alec pulled his hand away and turned just as Jace reached him. 

They shared a look before Jace broke into a grin and pulled Alec in for a hug. “I’m so happy for you, man,” Jace said softly, holding Alec tighty for a moment before stepping back, keeping his hands on Alec’s shoulders. “You deserve this. You deserve to be happy.” 

Alec placed a hand on Jace’s forearm, giving it a squeeze. “So do you, Jace. I know times are dark right now, but don’t resist the good things. If you deny them for too long, they will move on.” 

Jace’s gaze slipped past Alec and Alec didn’t have to turn to know that he was looking at Clary, who was talking enthusiastically with Magnus and Izzy. 

“I don’t plan on letting go of her ever,” Jace said softly. 

“Mind if I cut in?” a voice said gently from behind. 

Alec turned to see Magnus standing there, a big smile on his face. He snapped his fingers and music began to play softly throughout the restaurant. Magnus extended his hand, and Alec didn’t hesitate to take it and they began to slowly sway together.

_What day is it, and in what month, this clock never seemed so alive  
I can’t keep up and I can’t back down, I’ve been losing so much time_

Slowly, everyone began to drift together. Clary and Jace swayed together a few feet away, Clary’s head resting on Jace’s shoulder. Izzy and Simon held each other gently, talking softly to each other. Catarina even managed to pull Raphael onto the makeshift dance floor, managing to get a small smile from him. 

But Alec only saw Magnus, and Magnus only saw Alec. 

_Cause there’s you and me, and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose_  
And there’s you and me, and all of the people, and I don’t know why   
I can’t keep my eyes off of you 

War was heavy in the air, but for that moment, there was a tiny moment of peace. A pocket of air among the fog that allowed them to breathe. Allowed them to feel like for just a moment, they were living ordinary lives. And that maybe one day, they actually could. 

_There’s you and me and all other people,  
And I don’t know why, I can’t keep my eyes off of you_


	13. Warning Sign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi you lovely people! 
> 
> Sooo sorry about the delay in this chapter! Life has been crazy lately. I moved (AGAIN, but my new place is sooooo great and my dog is so much happier and it's been really great) and finally got inspired for my personal novel again, so Ive been working a lot on that. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy the chapter and I'll try to update the next chapter sooner this time! Believe it or not, only a few chapters left!!!

_“The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.”_

Alec stepped through a portal into the institute kitchen, immediately making his way over to the coffee machine. It was crazy how despite everything that had happened, not much of his routine had changed. He still wasn’t cleared for missions, but even that was only a matter of days according to his physical therapist. 

He heard shuffling behind him and glanced over his shoulder to see Clary making her way into the kitchen. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail, several strands loose and falling around her face. The large sweatshirt she was wearing nearly swallowed her tiny frame and she had her arms crossed across her chest. 

“Hi,” she said softly, staring at him for a moment before pouring herself a glass of water. 

Alec noticed the slight tremble of her hands as she raised the glass to her lips. He debated going on with his day, but he really was trying to be nicer to her, and he felt they had grown closer since his death. 

“Are you okay?” Alec asked, turning to face her. 

She sighed, setting down her glass and leaning against the counter to face him. “Do you remember the morning before you died, when I talked to you about a weird dream I had been having?” 

Alec narrowed his eyes for a moment in thought. “The one with...a warning about danger and a...chosen son?”

“Yes,” Clary said, dropping her gaze. “At the time, I didn’t think it meant anything. Or that the angel was trying to warn me about something with Valentine.” Clary looked back up at him. “But then, you died. And then you were brought back. You were chosen by the angels to come back.” 

Alec said nothing, staring at her with a confused expression. 

“Don’t you get it?” Clary said, gesturing toward Alec. “That dream. It was about you. The danger was Jonathan. He killed you. And then the angels chose to bring you back. The dream was prophetic.” 

“I guess I can’t say I’m surprised,” Alec said with a small shrug. “You are able to do things other shadowhunters can’t do.” 

“How are you so calm about this?” Clary exclaimed. 

Alec furrowed his eyebrows. “I died and came back a month ago. Why are you freaking out about this now?” 

“Because I had another one!” Clary suddenly shouted, throwing her arms out. 

Alec nearly dropped his coffee in surprise at her outburst. 

“It was awful,” Clary said, voice shaking. “I - I- ”

Alec reached out to place a hand on her shoulder in comfort, but the moment his hand touched her, it was like electricity shot through his veins. He let out a gasp of pain as his vision clouded over and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t pull his hand away. 

He was aware of Clary calling his name, but that faded away with the rest of the world around him. 

_He was on a beach, a large, dark forest stretching for miles behind him. The water was perfectly blue, and a breeze created small waves that danced across the water._

_He was at Lake Lyn._

_Slowly, things around him began to change. The sky turned darker and the waves became nearly still, the breeze disappearing. It became quiet. So quiet, Alec could hear himself breathing._

_And then, there was a bright flash of white. Alec brought his hands up to shield his face from the burning light. He could feel the heat on his skin and just when it had become unbearable, it stopped._

_Alec slowly lowered his arms and opened his eyes, horror seizing him as he looked around. Bodies lay around him everywhere. Slain shadowhunters, warlocks, werewolves, vampires, and seelies. More dead than Alec could ever imagine trying to count._

_A pained cry escaped his lips when he recognized Izzy’s dark hair among the fallen, only a few feet from where he stood. Alec stumbled back a step. His foot nudged something and he looked down to see Jace’s lifeless eyes staring up at him._

_Alec’s heart began to beat rapidly. Just a little past Jace, Alec recognized Clary’s fiery red hair among the fallen. And then Alec saw Magnus and he was sure his heart stopped beating._

_This was too much. He couldn’t take it. His head began to pound. He heard the sound of footsteps and spun to see two figures making their way through the bodies, not caring who they stepped on or who they pushed aside._

_Valentine and Jonathan._

_Alec reached for a weapon before realizing that he didn’t have anything. With a hesitant gulp, he reached down and picked up Jace’s fallen blade._

_Valentine’s face remained unmoving, while Jonathan smirked from where he stood a step behind him._

_“You can’t stop fate,” Valentine said, spreading his arms out to gesture around him. “And this is it.”_

Alec’s vision suddenly came back in a snap, and he released Clary’s shoulder, stumbling back until he hit the table and was able to catch himself. 

“Oh my god,” Clary gasped, arms hovering as if she had been attempting to steady him. “Are - are you okay?” 

“What was that?” Alec forced out. 

“What was what - ” Clary cut off, realization dawning on her. “You saw it didn’t you? Lake Lyn.” 

Alec slowly nodded. He felt something on his face and reached up to realize that his nose was bleeding. 

Clary quickly grabbed a couple of napkins and offered them to him with a shaking hand. Alec took them, pressing them to his nose. 

“I can’t believe you saw it,” Clary said, her mind running a mile a minute. “I assumed I was getting them because of my angel blood. I’ve never been able to share them with anyone before, not even Jace. Maybe this has to do with the angels bringing you back? Now you can see them, too. I mean, you are the chosen son, clearly. That much we know-”

“We don’t know anything,” Alec forced out quickly, cutting her off. 

“Who else could it be?” Clary’s exclaimed, throwing her arms out. “You were chosen by the angels. We’re Nephilim, half angel. By default, children of angels. You’re the chosen son. They chose to bring you back, Alec. For a reason. There is no one else that could be about.” 

“Fine,” Alec said, accepting her theory. “But the rest of that...it can’t...it can’t be prophetic.” 

“Why not?” Clary said. “All my other ones have been-”

“Because if it is, that means that we lose. I fail. And you all die,” Alec said, angrily throwing out the bloodied napkins. “And I’m not going to let that happen.” 

Clary went silent, watching as Alec quickly left the kitchen.

—

Alec sat at his desk in office, absentmindedly playing with his engagement ring on his finger as he faced straight ahead, staring at the wall. Images of Clary’s dream flashed through his mind like a never-ending movie, and as much as he wanted it to stop, he couldn’t look away. 

The door to his office opening snapped him out of his thoughts and he turned to see Catarina stepping inside. 

“Sorry for just showing up,” she said as she walked toward his desk. “But you weren’t answering your phone.” 

Alec furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at his phone on the desk, realizing it was blinking with alerts. He shook himself and looked back at her. 

“Sorry about that,” he said, forcing a small smile. “Is everything okay?”

Catarina crossed her arms. “Are _you_ okay?” 

“I’m fine.” 

Catarina raised an eyebrow in question, her gaze becoming more intense. Alec stared right back, mimicking her crossed arms. 

Catarina rolled her eyes. “Magnus wasn’t kidding when he said you were stubborn.” She stepped closer. “I’m here to examine you. I want to make sure everything is healing properly. Your physical therapist says you’re doing well, but I want to see for myself.” 

“Alright,” Alec said, standing and walking around his desk. 

She directed him to the couch, where he obediently sat. Catarina gently turned his head to the side, running her fingers through his hair, over where the forsaken had struck him. 

“I don’t feel anything here, that’s good,” she said, completely in doctor mode. “Let me see your chest.” 

Alec quickly pulled his sweater off, holding it in his hands as Catarina examined his chest. 

“For how bad the wound was and how delayed any healing was, I’m pretty proud of how minimal this appears to be scarring,” Catarina said, nodding in satisfaction. 

Alec pulled his sweater back on, smiling. “Magnus always said you were the best.” 

“Of course I am,” Catarina said, smiling smugly. She scanned over him one last time, her eyes pausing on the ring that rested on Alec’s left hand. “I’ve known Magnus a long time, you know,” she said softly, eyes flicking back up to Alec’s face. “I’ve been through a lot with him. I’m not sure if there is anyone else I’m as close to as I am to him. And never in all of our time have I seen him love someone the way he loves you.” 

Alec looked down at the ring, twisting it around his finger. 

“So I need you to tell me,” Catarina continued, her voice hardening, “right now, what is bothering you.” 

Alec’s eyes snapped back up to meet hers. 

“Are you feeling ill? Does anything hurt? Are you in pain anywhere? If you don’t tell me, I swear to whoever you’re afraid of that I’ll call Magnus. And you definitely don’t want the two of us teaming up against you; I can promise you that.” 

Alec stared at her for a moment before giving in, his shoulders sagging. He opened his mouth to speak when suddenly Jace burst into the office, Lydia right behind him. 

“A patrol has caught Jonathan’s scent!” 

Alec stiffened while Catarina turned to face Jace. 

“It’s fresh,” Jace continued. “Raphael and Magnus are on patrol, and Raphael has caught a scent outside an abandoned warehouse. They think he is in there now.” 

Alec and Lydia shared a look. 

“Alright,” Lydia said. “We’ve been preparing for this.” 

Alec nodded. “Jace, you and Izzy are the next patrol. Go meet them. Tell them they are not to engage until you are there.” 

“I’ll go as well,” Lydia said. “If this is really it, we need as many people as we can spare without leaving the institute unprotected.” 

Alec nodded in agreement. “I will stay here, monitoring your movements from the ops center.” 

“If it comes down to it, this is a kill mission,” Lydia added, crossing her arms. “I’d like to bring him in for questioning, but I’d rather avoid a fight. The minute things go bad, we take him out.” 

Jace nodded determinedly. 

“Go get ready as fast as you can and then report to the ops center,” Alec said. 

Jace and Lydia hurried out of the room. Alec took a deep breath, trying to reign in the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him. This wasn’t the end. This was the next move in the game. 

“This conversation isn’t over,” Catarina said, but then reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “Deep breaths. You’ve got this.” 

—

Alec stood in the ops center, feet planted on the ground and arms crossed over his chest as he stared at the screen in front of him. The communication devices Luke had given them doubled as tracking devices, so he watched five red dots move as Lydia, Jace, Izzy, Raphael, and Magnus made their way through the streets in New York. 

Catarina stood a few steps behind him, prepared to step in for backup if necessary. 

The warehouse was located near the Manhattan bridge, making Alec nerves worse. The idea of fighting near water brought back images of Clary’s dream. 

“You’re approaching the area,” Alec said, lifting one hand to his mouth as he rubbed his index finger and thumb together, “be careful and proceed with caution. And remember, we’re not looking for a fight.” 

_“If I see the bastard, I’m killing him,”_ came Jace’s reply.

“Only if you have a clear shot,” Alec said. 

_“I’ll make sure we do. If we see him, this ends tonight.”_

“Jace-”

“ _We’ll be careful_ ,” came a different voice, and Alec felt slightly reassured knowing that Magnus was there to keep Jace in line. But he also felt a small pang of worry in his chest, knowing that Magnus was so close to danger. 

But Alec had to be in leader mode right now. He couldn’t let his feelings get in the way. At the end of the day, they were at war, and they all had a role to play. 

-

Jace carefully led the way into the warehouse, Magnus and Lydia just a step behind him while Raphael and Izzy brought up the year. Raphael had picked up Jonathan’s scent and it had let them to an abandoned warehouse near the pier. 

“He’s definitely here,” Raphael said quietly as he stepped through the threshold. “I can hear his heartbeat.” 

It was nearly pitch black inside the warehouse, the only source of light coming from the moonlight that shone through the broken windows, casting shadows across the dirty, debris covered floor. The sound of rats scuttling about could be heard, but otherwise, the building was silent.

Jace had his blade drawn as he stepped further inside, while Izzy was ready to activate her whip in a flash. Lydia’s face was set in a determined frown and Raphael was gazing around, sniffing occasionally and eyes narrowed in focus as he surveyed each room they entered. Magnus walked more slowly, palms up and ready for any signs of danger. 

“Next room,” Raphael suddenly said and everyone stopped moving at once. “I can hear him breathing.” 

Jace glanced back to look at Magnus, and they shared a long look. The monster who had killed the person they both cared about most was on the other side of the door in front of them. 

Magic flared up in Magnus’s palm, and he gave Jace a single, determined nod. Jace turned back to face the door. 

_“Be careful,”_ came Alec’s voice in their ears, and the sound of his voice swept reassurance through Jace. 

Alec was alive. Jonathan had failed. And now Jonathan was going to come to an end.   
Jace surged forward, kicking down the door and leading the way into the room. 

Jonathan was waiting for them, leaning against the far wall with a small smile on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. “You found me,” he drawled, eyes moving over each of them, amusement lacing his voice.

Magnus stared at him, gazing into the eyes of the man who had killed the love of his life. He was going to burn for what he had done. 

“You must be Magnus,” Jonathan said, taking a small step forward. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I truly am sorry for what happened, but I’m afraid there was no other choice.” 

“And why’s that?” Magnus asked, trying his best to keep his temper under control while Izzy and Raphael subtly surveyed the room from where they stood behind Magnus and Jace. 

Jace stood only a step away, gripping his blade tightly. 

“Alexander Lightwood was the epitome of a true shadowhunter, was he not?” Jonathan said with a small shrug. “Sure, he had his….indulgences,” Jonathan’s eyes scanned over Magnus for a moment before he continued, “but I don’t really care about those things. He was intelligent, brave, and a natural born leader. And he was also the biggest threat to my father’s success. He needed to be removed from the picture. I did what I had to do.”

“By brutally murdering him in front of us?” Jace snarled, taking a step forward. 

“Ah,” Jonathan said, raising one finger as if to scold Jace. “That wasn’t my original plan. I was going to do it quietly, spare you from having to witness it. But, I must admit, it did make for quite an interesting show, didn’t it?” 

“You’re a monster,” Izzy said, venom dripping from her voice. 

“Sorry, Isabelle,” Jonathan said. “I couldn’t spare all the Lightwoods. I guess I’m more drawn to damsels in distress.” 

Izzy went to move forward, but Raphael suddenly grabbed her arm. 

“We have company,” he hissed. 

The door behind them banged open, and circle members charged in. 

Jonathan smirked. “This is going to be fun.”

And then all hell broke loose. 

-

Magnus had faced a lot of bad odds in his lifetime. He had fought his way out of a lot of sticky situations. But he wasn’t sure how they were going to get out of this. Magnus had taken out enemy after enemy with blasts of his powerful magic, but they were still outnumbered eleven to four and they were just barely holding their ground. Magnus could feel his magic draining, and he wasn’t sure how much longer the four of them could keep going. 

“Magnus, on your right!” 

Magnus turned, but he wasn’t fast enough. A fist struck him across the face, and suddenly he was tackled to the ground, his hands pinned beneath him and his magic cut off. He struggled against the person holding him down, and watched as Jonathan ran from the room. 

“Don’t let him get away!” Jace screamed from where he was fighting, and Izzy and Lydia took off after him. 

Raphael was fighting hard, trying to get to where Magnus was still pinned down. 

“Filthy demon scum,” the circle member holding him down spat. “I’m going to keep your cat eyes as a prize.” 

Magnus had sometimes wondered what he would see as he was dying. Flashes of his life, his friends, his happy memories or his bad memories...but all he saw was Alec. The first time he had seen him that fateful night in Pandemonium. The first time he realized that he was falling in love with the shadowhunter. Their first date. Their third date. Their tenth. The way his eyes crinkle when he was smiling. Really smiling. The way their hands fit together perfectly, and the way that Alec looked at him as if Magnus was the sun that his world revolved around. The feeling that had overwhelmed Magnus when Alec had come back to life. 

Their whole time together flashed before his eyes and he realized if this was really was it, then he was so grateful that his last few months had been spent with the person he loved more than he had ever loved anyone else. 

There was sudden movement through the door and the weight that had been holding him down was gone. Magnus scrambled up onto his hands and knees, freezing when he realized what was happening. 

Alec was storming through the room in a flurry of power and rage. His seraph blade hit its mark every time he swung, quickly taking down circle members. Jace joined his side, and together the two of them fought in perfect synchronization. 

Raphael reached Magnus, dropping to his knees next to him. “Are you okay?” 

“Go after Izzy and Lydia,” Magnus said, climbing to his feet. “We cannot let Jonathan get away again.”

Raphael was gone in a flash. Magnus rejoined the fight, finishing off the last of the circle members with a new sense of determination. 

The room fell quiet other than the sounds of their heavy breathing. Alec turned to Magnus, placing a hand on his cheek. 

“Are you okay?” He said, eyebrows pinched together slightly. 

Magnus nodded as he regained his breath. “You’re timing was impeccable as always.” 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jace exclaimed, breaking the moment. 

Alec turned to look at him. “You were outnumbered-”

“You’re not cleared for active duty!” 

“I am as of twenty minutes ago,” Alec snapped, slipping into leader mode. “Where are Izzy, Lydia, and Raphael?” 

“They went after Jonathan,” Magnus said. 

Alec turned and sprinted from the room.


	14. Monster You Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! These past few days I was struck with sudden inspiration and cranked this chapter out. Tonight, I forced myself to sit down and finish it. It ended up nearly completely rewritten and I threw some of my classic heartbreak emotions in there for ya ;) 
> 
> A few weeks ago, I had the intention of wrapping this story up at like fifteen chapters. Clearly, that's not going to happen. There's at least 2-3 more chapters left, maybe more. At the moment, I'm just kind of seeing where my inspiration takes me!

_“War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.”_

Alec reached the bridge, following the sound of voices. He paused in his steps, watching the scene before him. Izzy was stalking toward a very injured Jonathan, cracking her whip fiercely. Lydia and Raphael hovered nearby, blocking any chance of Jonathan escaping. 

“You fight with such beautiful anger,” Jonathan taunted, spitting blood onto the pavement. 

“I _trusted_ you!” Izzy shouted, her voice shaking with rage. “We welcomed you into our lives! We gave you a chance! We gave you a _home!_ ” 

“Foolish, wasn’t it?” Jonathan said, tilting his head to the side. “To trust a complete stranger? But I am grateful for your hospitality. You gave me the opportunity to kill the heart of the resistance. And believe me, I enjoyed every moment of it. The way my blade plunged into his chest. The final breath he took. All because you decided to trust a stranger.” 

Jace and Magnus caught up, standing on either side of Alec, all three of them unnoticed by Jonathan or Izzy. Magnus felt sick to his stomach, knowing that Alec was near the man who had killed him. And knowing that this was it. Alec would no longer be hidden from the dangers of the war. 

“You didn’t stop the resistance against Valentine,” Izzy said coldly, stopping just a few steps away from Jonathan. “As long as Valentine is alive, there will always be people who oppose him. And as long as we are here to stand in your way, you will _never_ succeed.” 

“Without your dear older brother’s guidance?” Jonathan smirked, taking a step forward. “Isabelle, don’t you see? He was the face of the resistance. He was the shadowhunter who was openly ready to fight for the downworld, not just against Valentine, but also against the Clave. He was your chance at uniting the shadowhunters and the downworld. But now, that trust is gone and you’re back to square one.” 

Izzy bunched her muscles, tightening the grip on her whip. “You’re wrong.” 

Suddenly, an arrow embedded into Jonathan’s shoulder with a _thump_. He let out a sound of pain and surprise, turning in the direction it had come from. 

When Jonathan’s eyes locked with Alec’s, who still had his bow raised, an entire chill ran through Alec’s body. He was staring into the eyes of the man who had murdered him. The cold, dark eyes were staring back, a mixture of shock and anger in them.

“That’s not possible,” Jonathan whispered. 

“You failed,” Izzy said, pure anger laced in her voice. 

Alec began to slowly walk forward, keeping his bow raised. Jonathan’s expression shifted from disbelief to rage. 

“That’s not possible!” He repeated, shouting this time. 

“Was it your plan all along?” Alec asked, keeping his voice steady. “To kill me?” 

Jonathan stood straighter, a small smile of disbelief on his face. “You really are something, you know that? We could have made a great team. That was my original plan. It wasn’t what my father wanted. Frankly, he didn’t want me to kill you, either. But sometimes, you have to take measures into your own hands. And when you showed me that you would never stray from your beliefs in peace with the downworld, I knew I had to destroy you and those close to you. It was the quickest way to smother the resistance.” 

“So the night you met Izzy -” 

“Was all part of my plan,” Jonathan said, his smile shifting to a smirk. “I knew you wouldn’t be as trusting, and I was right. But with dear Isabelle, it was just too easy.” 

“So what’s the plan now?” Alec said as he continued to walk toward them. 

Magnus and Jace followed closely, Magnus with magic flickering in his palm and Jace with his blade drawn. 

Jonathan clamped his mouth shut, making it clear he wasn’t going to talk anymore. He reached for his fallen blade. 

Izzy was quicker. She struck out, her whip wrapping around Jonathan’s neck, burning him. She wanted him to burn for what he had done. 

There was another thump, and Izzy jumped back in shock at the arrow that was now between Jonathan’s eyes, killing him instantly, and watched as his body fell to the cold ground. 

Izzy spun to look at Alec, who lowered his bow and then placed it over his shoulder. 

“I wasn’t finished with him!” she shouted. 

Alec walked calmly toward her. “It’s over,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“He deserved to feel pain!” Izzy cried, unshed tears in her eyes. “He deserved to feel what you did, what _we_ did, when you died! He didn’t deserve a quick death.” 

“It’s not our job to torture people, even the guilty,” Alec said, not removing his hand. 

“The clave would disagree,” Raphael muttered. 

“I’m not the clave,” Alec said, his tone hardening slightly as everyone finally moved from their positions to join him and Izzy. “We cannot forget who we are in times like these. Holding onto ourselves is the only way to not get lost in the battle. I trust you guys with my life, and I know you trust me with yours. He was an enemy, he needed to be taken out. Quickly. Torture is not our way. The moment we start turning to darker measures of war is the moment we join the wrong side.” 

Izzy was shaking, her hold on her whip tight. Alec stepped closer. 

“I’m here, Iz,” he whispered quietly. “I’m safe. You’re safe. We’re all safe. He can’t hurt us anymore.” 

After a moment, she nodded once. Alec gave her shoulder a squeeze and then turned to look at Lydia, who was staring down at Jonathan’s body. 

“It would have been nice to have questioned him more,” she murmured. 

“He wouldn’t have told us anything, trust me,” Alec muttered, crouching down beside the body. 

He quickly searched through his clothes, setting any weapons he carried off to the side. Magnus conjured up a bag and began to put them inside. Alec reached into one of the jacket pockets and felt a piece of folded up paper. He pulled it out and unfolded it, his body growing cold as he looked over what appeared to be a map of Lake Lyn and the surrounding beach and forest. 

Images of Clary’s vision flashed through his mind for a moment. He blinked hard, willing them to go away. 

“Alexander?” Magnus asked. “Is everything okay?” 

“They know,” Alec said, looking up to meet everyone’s curious gazes. “Valentine knows that Lake Lyn is the mortal mirror.” 

—

Magnus watched Alec warily. They were all in the opscenter, looking over a map of Lake Lyn. Alec appeared deep in thought, staring intently at the map while Lydia talked. Magnus didn’t quite understand the look he saw in Alec’s eyes, but he noticed a hint of fear. 

A flash of red caught his eye as Clary walked into the room, a determined but wary expression on her face. She and Alec shared a long look as she joined his side, and Magnus made a mental note to look into that further. 

“We have troops set up here and here,” Lydia said, pointing to two areas on the map. “I think we should add in more here and here, so that we have the lake surrounded. And we need regular patrols. I don’t think Valentine has made his way there yet, but we can’t even risk that being a possibility.” 

Everyone nodded in agreement. 

“Magnus,” Lydia continued, and he turned to look at her. “Do you you think the warlocks could form some sort of ward that could prevent Valentine from crossing into Idris?” 

Magnus hummed thoughtfully. “The quickest solution to that would be to put up a ward that prevents anyone with angel blood from crossing. However, that would also prevent you from being able to send reinforcements in and no shadowhunters would be able to leave Idris. And if Valentine by chance has already crossed, that could be very bad for us.” 

“That’s definitely not an option,” Alec said, speaking for the first time since they had returned. 

“Right,” Magnus said with a single nod. “I will get together with some other warlocks and see if there is anything we can come up with.” 

Alec nodded in return. 

“Okay,” Lydia said with a sigh. “I think we can all agree that time is not on our side here. We don’t know when Valentine’s next move will be, or what it will be. But I think it’s fair to assume he will soon try to make an attempt on Lake Lyn. We all need some rest. Clary, you and Meliorn have the next patrol shift with Luke and Simon. They are waiting for you at the Hunter’s Moon. I want you to focus your attention toward Central Park. That’s a lesser known area for crossing into Idris. If Valentine is going to try to cross anywhere in New York, that’s where he’ll do it.” 

Clary nodded and made her way out of the room to gear up. 

“Everyone else, get some rest,” Alec said. “No training or anything. If I get word of you being anywhere beside your sleeping quarters, there will be consequences. We can’t win this fight if we are too exhausted to even make a stand.” 

Jace didn’t hesitate to hurry toward his bedroom. Izzy led Raphael toward the guest rooms, followed closely by Lydia. Alec stepped out into the main area, walking up to Underhill and letting him know he was in charge for the next few hours. 

Magnus continued to watch him, not saying a word as they made their way toward Alec’s old room. Magnus would much prefer the loft, but he knew Alec wouldn’t be able to relax so far from the institute and his family right now. 

As they stepped into the room, Magnus shut the door behind him. With a snap of his fingers, they were both dressed in pajamas. Alec blinked at Magnus gratefully as he sank down onto the edge of the bed. 

Magnus stared at him for several moments. “I want to marry you, Alexander,” he blurted out. 

Alec furrowed his eyebrows slightly at him. “Isn’t that kind of the point of this?” he said, holding his left hand up to show the engagement ring. 

Magnus stepped closer. “I’m saying that I want to actually get to marry you.”

“I’m...confused,” Alec said, fiddling with the ring on his finger. 

“What’s going on with Clary?” Magnus asked. 

He knew he wasn’t making sense. But he was just so exhausted and his brain was mixing all his thoughts together. 

“What?” Alec asked, looking even more confused. 

“I saw the look you shared earlier,” Magnus said. “Like you guys are sharing a secret and whatever it is terrifies you. If you or Clary know something, you have to tell me. You have to tell all of us. We’re all in this together, remember?” 

“What does any of this have to do with us getting married?” Alec said, eyebrows still furrowed in confusion. 

Any other time, Magnus would have found Alec’s expression adorable, but right now he was consumed with so many emotions that it was hard to keep his magic at bay. He sat next to Alec on the bed with a frustrated sigh. 

“I feel like you’re hiding something from me...something big about this war. And I can’t - I can’t help keep you alive if you don’t share everything with me. God damnit, Alexander, I want to marry you and spend eternity with you and I can’t do that if - if...I can’t lose you, Alec. Not again. So whatever it is, whatever is scaring you, you have to tell me. You have to let me help you. I know I’m not making much sense right now but I just love you so much and I’m exhausted and the thought of losing you again makes it hard for me to breathe and -”

“Magnus!” Alec exclaimed, pulling Magnus into his arms to quiet him. 

Magnus sucked in a deep breath. He allowed Alec to hold him for a few moments before he leaned back to stare at Alec, looking into his eyes. 

“I need you to promise me, Alexander,” Magnus said seriously. “If this all goes to hell - if we lose - I need you to promise me that you will still be here with me.” 

“Magnus -”

“I just need you to not be self-sacrificing just this once! For me! Just do this for me,” Magnus said, voice thick with emotion. He knew he was begging, but he didn’t care. He would beg forever if it meant that Alec would never leave him again. “Please, promise me. I’ll never ask you for anything again. Just promise me that you will be with me no matter the outcome of this war. Alive, and by my side.” 

The silence was deafening. Alec was no longer looking at him, instead looking down at his lap. Magnus felt his heart ripping apart and sinking at the same time. 

“Promise me, Alexander,” Magnus whispered. 

“You know I can’t promise that, Magnus,” Alec forced out, voice barely above a whisper and filled with pain. 

Magnus was on his feet immediately, standing in front of Alec. 

“Why not?” he shouted, throwing his arms out and then gesturing toward himself. “Why can’t you promise me that?” 

“Can you?” Alec demanded sharply, looking up at Magnus. “Can you promise me that you won’t do anything to risk your life? If it comes down to it, you won’t try to save Catarina or...or Raphael if something happens? You won’t take that risk? We can’t promise each other that, Magnus! My life is no more important than yours, or Izzy’s, or Jace’s, or anyone’s! I can’t promise that something won’t happen to me! Doing that would mean stepping away from my job, stepping away from who I am. You all chose me as your leader. I can’t be a leader if I am going to step out of the way the moment things get too dangerous. You can’t ask me to do that.”

Magnus’s anger crumbled and he sank back into the spot next to Alec, burying his face in his hands. After a moment, he felt Alec’s strong arms wrapping around him. 

“I want to marry you, too,” Alec whispered. 

Magnus lifted his head, resting his cheek on Alec’s shoulder as he looked at him. 

“We will,” Magnus said, clearing his throat and taking ahold of Alec’s hand. “We will get married. And we’ll spend forever together. We’re going to win this war, and then you and I are going to get married. And I am going to whisk you away to some faraway place where no one can reach us. ” 

Alec smiled sadly at him. “Sounds perfect.” 

“It will be,” Magnus insisted, hating the way his voice cracked. “I promise.”

\--

Valentine stood, face cold and unforgiving as he looked down upon his army. His new generation of shadowhunters. 

“My son is dead,” he called out, his voice laced with anger. “He fought for us bravely and he will be remembered. Tonight, we will fight in not just the honor of the angels, but also in honor of his sacrifice. Our mission is much greater and much more important now than I ever imagined it would be.” 

He paused, letting his words sink in for a moment before he continued. 

“War is no longer coming, war is here,” he said gravely. “But we are ready. You are ready. You are my creation, and you were chosen for this. It is time that we begin the process to rid this world of the downworld filth once and for all, and to get rid of anyone who chooses to fight alongside them. The wish of the angels has been tarnished, and it is up to us to make things right. We will take Lake Lyn soon, but first we must show our strength and that we are ready. Tonight, I have a different mission for you. 

Tonight, we take on the Hunter’s Moon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story, I know I've been slow to update. This story, and these characters, mean a lot to me and I want to do it/them justice. 
> 
> If you ever want to chat, feel free to reach out to me on Twitter (@ReneeWritesx) or Tumblr (@lovelywritesx). I love to chat about writing, shadowhunters, food, dogs....or whatever! :)


	15. Eve of War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy crap this might be a record for my quickest update for this story! I'm so happy to have seem to defeated the writers block for this story and finally have a clear direction of where this story is going. I have rough ideas for each of the final chapters, so I think updates will be at least a little quicker now. 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

_“The art of war teaches us to rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's not coming, but on our own readiness to receive him; not on the chance of his not attacking, but rather on the fact that we have made our position unassailable.”_

Clary’s heart raced as she fought alongside Maia. One moment, Clary had been meeting up with the rest of her patrol at the Hunter’s Moon, and the next, circle members were flooding in from everywhere she could see. 

Maia had shifted beside her, taking down circle members with an intense feirosity. Blood was matted in her fur and splattered across Clary’s cheek. Luke and Simon were fighting side by side just a few feet away. Clary had lost sight of Meliorn a few moments before as he had fought to get terrified downworlders who were not able to fight out of the bar. 

The sound of fighting raged around her. Swords clashing, werewolves snarling, shouts of anger and pain. Everywhere she looked, people were clashing. Blood covered the floor, making it slippery and causing an awful smell to fill the air. 

They were severely outnumbered. 

And then there was a flash of light. Several portals began to open, warlocks pouring out of them and joining the fight. The rest of Luke’s pack arrived, showing no mercy as they dug their teeth into the circle members. The vampires arrived seconds later, a blur of total obliteration. 

The doors burst open and Clary risked a glance to see Alec leading a patrol in, Jace, Izzy, and several other shadowhunters following right behind him. Maia shifted back, standing behind Clary in her torn clothes with a look of awe and disbelief on her face. 

“Is that... _Alec?_ ” she breathed out. 

Alec moved with so much controlled anger and precision, Clary found herself staring in awe, too. His muscles bulged as he swung his blade, meeting every target. He showed no mercy, taking out every circle member that crossed his path. No one would have guessed that he had been stabbed through the heart just a mere few weeks ago. 

Alec and Jace fought in complete synchronization, clearing out the area in a rapid pace. Blasts of magic filled the air around them as warlocks vaporized circle members into dust. Clary spotted Magnus fighting with pure fury, his magic red and angry. She tightened her grip on her blade and leapt back into the battle. 

Slowly, the sounds of battle began to die down as the last of the circle members who had attacked were either killed or fled. The Hunter’s Moon fell into silence other than soft cries of pain. Bodies of the wounded and the fallen lay all around. The warlocks immediately began to attend to the wounded, their angry red magic shifting to a healing blue.

Maia took a few shaky steps toward where Alec stood in the center of the bar, Jace and Luke at his side. A crowd began to slowly form around them, people murmuring to each other as they watched Alec help Jace activate his healing rune. 

“Alec Lightwood?” Maia said, stopping a few steps away from them, just in front of the crowd. “You’re alive?” 

Alec took a moment to look around the room before nodding once. “I am.” 

Shocked gasps rang out through the crowd of survivors. Many of them had been at the Jade Wolf that day. Many had seen him die. 

“How?” Maia pressed, her expression a mixture of hesitance and hope. 

Alec and Jace shared a look. 

“They are our allies. Total transparency,” Alec said softly to Jace, and after a moment of hesitation, Jace nodded in agreement. 

“The angels brought me back,” Alec said, turning back toward the crowd. Everyone was hanging onto his every word. “We are at war with Valentine and the Circle. Sometimes, in times like these, the angels choose to bring soldiers back to help fight.” 

“Like the immortal nephilim?” a warlock called out. 

Alec looked at the woman. “You’ve heard of them?” 

“I knew a few,” she said softly, her eyes pausing on the rune on Alec’s left hand before she looked back up at him. “I haven’t seen them in a long time. I never thought I’d see another one again.” 

A werewolf stepped forward beside Maia. Alec knew he was the owner of the Hunter’s Moon, but he did not know him by name. 

“You led shadowhunters to help us tonight. I heard of your aid at the Jade Wolf, but it was never something I thought I would see with my own eyes,” the man said, a slight hint of disbelief in his voice. “Thank you.” 

Alec nodded to him. “Times are changing. Shadowhunters and Downworlders can no longer exist in separation. It is times like this when we must come together like we did tonight. You all fought so bravely. It might be small, but tonight was a victory.” 

People in the crowd nodded in agreement. A few cheered and clapped. Magnus joined Alec’s side and Alec turned to face him, offering him a smile. Magnus returned the smile, clasping his hand around Alec’s. Alec turned back to the crowd. 

“Shadowhunters and Downworlders have been divided for too long. We were never meant to be enemies. I strongly believe that. The threat of Valentine affects all of us, and we must come together to defeat him. There is no more waiting, the war is here.” 

Some people shifted on their feet anxiously while others nodded in agreement. Raphael stepped forward.

“I will send word to other clans to see if we can gather more reinforcements from the vampires,” he said. 

Luke stepped up beside him. “And I will do the same with other packs.” 

“Will you do the same?” the warlock who had spoken up before said, tilting her head to the side curiously as she looked at Alec. “Will you ask for more reinforcements from other shadowhunters?” 

All eyes turned to Alec, the same nervous curiosity in their eyes. 

“We’ve already started to,” Alec said. “So far, we have support from the Los Angeles Institute and the Orlando Institute. We have some support in Idris as well, including the Inquisitor. She agrees that this is something we can win only if we fight together.”

The warlock looked surprised, and then she smiled wryly at Magnus. “I figure it’s safe to assume that the warlocks will do the same then?” 

“I won’t force anyone to fight,” Magnus said, releasing Alec’s hand to take a step toward her. “But yes, we will spread the word for reinforcements.” 

The owner of the Hunter’s Moon slowly smiled. “It sounds to me like we have an alliance.” 

Alec returned his smile, stepping forward to shake his hand. The man held on for a moment. 

“You’re doing great things, Alec Lightwood,” he said, his voice ruff as his eyes scanned the disaster of his bar. “We’ve been waiting a long time for someone like you.” 

Alec squeezed his hand in return before letting go. Everyone began to tend to their own, continuing to treat the wounded and respect the fallen. Alec turned to see Jace looking at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read. 

“You okay?” Alec asked, scanning him over for injuries.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Jace said breathlessly. “You just formed an alliance with the downworld. A Lightwood just did that.” 

“It was long overdue,” Alec said with a small shrug. 

“It was,” Magnus agreed. “But _you_ made it happen, darling.” 

Alec slowly smiled as he gazed around, watching as everyone helped each other. Maia was helping a vampire who had a nasty cut on his arm. Clary was crouched next to a seelie, tending to a wound on her leg. A werewolf stood beside Izzy, cleaning up a minor cut she had on her shoulder. 

This was how things were meant to be. 

\---

Word of the alliance spread quickly. Fire messages were coming in nonstop from shadowhunters who pledged their allegiance. Werewolves, vampires, and seelies showed up at Institutes all around the world, ready to join forces with their city institutes. 

The New York institute was buzzing with activity. The training room was full, but not just with shadowhunters. Downworlders were in there, too, and everyone was learning something from one another. The guest quarters were filled with downworlders who had come from all over to join the alliance. Magnus and a few of the warlocks were working on extending the living spaces to accommodate for more. 

All patrols were an even mix of shadowhunters and downworlders. Everyone was working together, and it was one of the most amazing things Alec had ever seen. 

He stood in the opscenter, just taking a moment to take in the activity around him. Jace, Simon, and a werewolf named Ben all stood in front of a screen, monitoring demon activity. Four red dots on the screen represented two shadowhunters and two seelies who were currently patrolling Central Park together. Izzy and several others were in the weapons room, brainstorming and designing new ideas and technology. 

Someone cleared her throat behind him, and he turned to find himself face to face with his mother. His mind froze and his posture stiffened. 

“Alec,” she greeted formally, clasping her hands together in front of her. 

“I thought you had gone back to Idris to be with dad?” Alec forced out, trying to keep his tone calm. 

“I did,” she said with a small nod. “But word has spread through Idris about what you are doing here. Of course, there is some resistance. Quite a bit, actually. But the majority are with you. And it made me realize how terrible I’ve been to you. I should have been with you from the beginning. I am now, although I know that isn’t as meaningful as it could be. I know that I’ve done you wrong in a lot of ways, and I know that there isn’t much I can do to make up for the way I have treated you. But I am here to help, with whatever you need.” 

Alec glanced around, surprised that she was doing this out in the open. He knew this was hard for her. He could tell in the uncomfortable way she was shifting on her feet and the stubborn way her eyes refused to look around the room, instead focusing only on him. 

“Thank you,” he finally said. “For the report from Idris. It’s good to know where people stand.” 

She nodded again, pinching her lips together. Alec stared at her for several moments before looking down for a moment as he thought. 

“Lydia and I could use some help with the paperwork,” he finally said, looking back at her. “We are trying to continue to follow protocol as much as we can, but with the increased volume of patrols and demon activity -“

“Consider it done,” Maryse said quickly. “I’d be happy to take over the paperwork. Anything to help. Anything.” 

“You sure?” Alec said, raising an eyebrow, a small glint of challenge in his eyes. “It’s not too lowly for you?” 

“No,” Maryse said tightly, keeping her posture straight and her eyes on him. “I realize my wrong doings, and I am willing to start anywhere, even with dreadful paperwork, to start to make things right.” 

Alec stared at her for a moment before nodding. “Okay. Lydia is in our office. You can let her know.” 

“Thank you,” Maryse said softly before turning and walking out of the opscenter. 

Jace watched her go before walking over to stand beside Alec. “Good talk?” 

“Considering the conversation wasn’t about any of my failures, I’d say yes,” Alec muttered, his attention now on the map of Idris that he had on top of the table in front of him. 

“Alec,” Jace snapped exasperatedly. “When are you going to see that you haven’t failed anything? Look at what you’ve done.” Jace gestures to the busy opscenter around them with his arms before turning back to face Alec. “This is all because of you.” 

“Not all of it,” Alec argued. “I was so stuck in my ways before. I was no better than any other shadowhunter. Magnus, Raphael, Clary...even Simon helped open my eyes. I can’t take all the credit for this. And we can’t let it wipe away my past mistakes either.” 

“We all make mistakes, brother,” Jace said softly. “But they don't matter. All that matters is what you choose to do after. And you are doing great things.” 

Alec raised his eyebrow at him. “When did you suddenly become so poetic?” 

Jace smiled. “When I started actually listening to your advice. Maybe you should try listening to yourself?” 

Alec rolled his eyes, and Jace’s smile widened. There was a flicker in their parabatai rune, the strongest one yet since Alec had come back to life. Their smiles grew even bigger, and Jace even had to quickly blink away a few tears. 

“I can feel you, Alec,” he said, placing his hand over his rune. “I can finally really feel you.” 

\---

Alec sat at the head of a long table in a conference room at the institute. Magnus sat to his right and Jace to his left. Next to Magnus sat Clary, Raphael, and Luke. Next to Jace sat Meliorn, Simon, and Izzy. Lydia was seated at the other end of the table, facing Alec. 

“Thank you all for being here,” Alec said, immediately commanding the attention of the room. “We have gathered you all here because we need a plan, or at least a strategy. Right now, we are being too reactive. We are waiting for Valentine to strike, and then we are reacting. We need to be proactive. We can’t sit around and wait for an attack to happen. Too much innocent blood is being shed.” 

“What are you suggesting?” Luke asked, looking at Alec with an open expression. 

“I’m open to all ideas from anyone in this room,” Alec said as he looked at everyone. “I’ve chosen each of you to be here because I trust you. I know that we are fighting for the same cause, and I trust your judgement and your opinion. We need to be able to think about this from all sides, and I think this team can do just that.” 

Everyone nodded in agreement. Izzy smiled slightly, pride swelling through her as she listened to Alec speak.

“To start the discussion off,” he continued, “I would like to propose establishing some patrols in Idris. Who knows what tricks Valentine has up his sleeve or what measures he will go to in an attempt to win, and we just can’t one hundred percent guarantee that he will not find a way to get past our patrols here and get to Idris. I know that in the past, Downworlders have not been allowed to pass into Idris. I’ve talked with the Inquisitor, and she is willing to grant anyone passage who has been approved by Lydia or myself. I know it’s not the biggest win, but even getting the Clave to stretch on this as much as they have is a success.” 

“What all would these patrols entail, exactly?” Meliorn asked, tilting his head to the side. 

“They would be much like the patrols here,” Lydia said. “They would be combined of Shadowhunters and Downworlders. The inquisitor has already established patrols around Lake Lyn, but we feel that might not be enough. Idris is huge, and while Lake Lyn is Valentine’s obvious target, that doesn’t mean he won’t attack elsewhere.” 

“The patrols currently focused on Lake Lyn would shift back to the city, and our patrols would take over Lake Lyn and the surrounding areas,” Alec said. “The people making up these patrols would be stationed in Idris. There would be very little crossing back and forth. Security has already been majorly heightened, and the Inquisitor wants to limit traveling back and forth as much as possible.” 

“Where would the patrols be stationed?” Raphael asked. 

“That is something we would like to discuss with all of you,” Lydia said, gesturing to the table. “I think between all of us, we can come up with the best strategy.” 

“One more thing to add to this,” Alec said, glancing toward Magnus, “is that all portal transportation to Idris will need security clearance. Inquisitor Imogen has shut off access, meaning that every single portal into Idris must be approved by the security team she has put in place. Underhill has gone to assist with this, so I have someone I trust there. He is keeping me updated.” 

“What does this mean, exactly?” Magnus asked. 

“It means that the only way to get to Idris is through an institute,” Lydia said, and Magnus turned his attention to her. “This is her attempt at cutting off Valentine’s access. But it doesn’t mean that he won’t try.” 

“It also means that all institutes should be on high alert,” Izzy exclaimed, leaning forward. “Valentine will destroy anyone who tries to get in his way to what he wants, and he will do whatever it takes. We have to be ready for an attack here at any time.” 

“Correct,” Alec said with a nod. “New security measures are being put in place as we speak in all institutes around the world.” 

“Wait,” Magnus said, lifting his hand. “What if something happens? What if Valentine does somehow get through, and we can’t portal in to help?” 

“We know the situation isn’t ideal,” Alec said. “And we are working on getting certain warlocks automatic clearance, such as you. But I cannot guarantee anything. Like Izzy said, Valentine will do whatever it takes. And that could include forcing a warlock to help him against their will. The inquisitor does not want to take that risk.” 

Magnus pinched his lips together, saying nothing more. 

“So these patrols,” Luke said, steering back to the original conversation. “Whoever is a part of them will have to stay in Idris? How will that work?” 

“A headquarters has been set up for the current patrols,” Lydia said. “We would take that over when we cross through to establish our patrols. We will set up camps all around Lake Lyn as well.” 

“In a sense, the patrols and the institutes are becoming the front lines of this war,” Alec said, leaning back in his chair slightly. “Whatever Valentine’s next move is going to be, we are going to be there to face him. From now on, we are going to be ready for him. We have to be.” 

“We need a leader at these patrol bases in Idris,” Luke said. “Someone to keep it organized and running efficiently, and someone who knows Idris.” 

Alec and Lydia shared a look.

“We agree,” Lydia said, turning her gaze to Luke. 

Everyone looked at her expectantly, but it was Alec who spoke next. 

“We would like you to lead them, Luke,” Alec said, and Luke’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “You are a brilliant leader, and you know Idris. You were once a shadowhunter. You know how we think, but most importantly, you know how Valentine thinks.” 

Luke stared at Alec for several moments before finally speaking. “I’d need to talk with my pack, figure things out.” 

“They could go with you,” Alec suggested, “and form part of the patrols if you, and they, wish.” 

“And you wouldn’t have to do this alone,” Lydia said, regaining the attention. “Alec is back to full health, which means that we do not need two people running this institute. That is a waste of a resource. Either Alec or I will be joining you.” 

Magnus’s head snapped to the side to look at Alec. Alec did his best to give him a reassuring look before addressing the group again. 

“Luke, Raphael, Magnus, and Meliorn, we trust you to decide who of your people will be joining the patrols. You will know who is the best fit for this kind of role.”

Each downworld leader nodded. 

“When would you like to start sending people to Idris?” Meliorn asked. 

“In three days,” Lydia said, clasping her hands together on the table in front of her. “We need reinforcements there as soon as possible. If we could do it in two, I’d be very happy.” 

Meliorn nodded in understanding. 

“We’ll dismiss this meeting now,” Alec said. “Take the time you need to prepare and to decide who will join the patrols. Report to me or Lydia with your decisions by tomorrow at noon.” 

Everyone nodded and began to make their way out of the room. Magnus, Jace, Izzy, Clary, Lydia, and Alec hung back. 

“So which of you is it going to be?” Izzy asked tightly, gesturing between Alec and Lydia. “Which one of you is going to Idris?” 

Alec’s posture remained stiff as he kept his gaze on the table. It was Lydia who spoke. 

“We haven’t decided yet,” she said. “What we have decided is that Alec needs to be wherever his presence is very well-known among our troops. He...he has become an icon of this resistance against Valentine. People look up to him, they respect him, they even idolize him for what he is doing to bring the shadowhunters and the downworlders together.” 

“I need to go to the patrols,” Alec said suddenly, looking up. “That is where I am needed.”

Lydia pinched her lips together, but nodded. “I agree,” she said softly. “The patrols will not be fun, and either will be living temporarily in camps. But you being there could help boost morale.”

“He’ll also be a target,” Jace exclaimed, gesturing toward Alec. “If you go to the patrols, you are setting an even larger target on your back. You can be protected better here at the institute.” 

“I don’t need protecting,” Alec said sharply, looking at Jace. 

“Who will join you?” Clary asked, trying to ease the tension. “Which shadowhunters will be going to Idris?” 

“We have not selected everyone yet,” Alec said, slipping back into leader mode. “And other institutes will be sending us reinforcements. They will start arriving tomorrow night. That way no institute is left without enough people to protect the institute. Izzy, you will be staying here. You are our weapons master, and we need you to keep doing that.” 

Izzy nodded in acceptance, and then a sly smile formed on her face. “Speaking of weapons, I have something to show you.” 

She stood, gesturing for everyone to follow. Lydia and Clary immediately followed. Alec stood and started walking down the hall toward the weapons room. He could sense Jace and Magnus directly behind him, and he could feel Jace’s anger through the parabatai rune. He paused, turning to face them. 

“I have to do this,” Alec said, looking at each of them. “I’m needed there.” 

“You’re needed here, too,” Jace insisted. 

“You can’t let your emotions get in the way right now, Jace,” Alec said softly. 

“Don’t start with the bullshit emotions crap!” Jace exclaimed, pointing at Alec. “Because I don’t know about you, but I am doing _a lot_ better since I stopped trying to shut my emotions down.” 

“That’s not what I meant -”

“Forget it,” Jace muttered, turning away and hurrying to catch up with Izzy and the others. 

Alec sighed, running a hand over his face before looking at Magnus. “Are you mad at me, too?” 

“No,” Magnus said softly. “Was I a little caught off guard? Yes. But you’re a soldier, Alexander. And as much as that terrifies me, I also respect it. And I am so, so proud of you. What you have done, what you are doing, for my people...I’m so lucky to love you.” 

Alec dipped his head as a blush spread across his cheeks. Magnus smiled, even though it was a little forced. 

“I know I can’t make you stay,” he continued, trying to hide the sadness in his voice. “And I know I can’t ask you to stay. I can’t look at this situation as your fiance. I have to look at this as the High Warlock. And I understand why you must go.” 

“I love you, you know that?” Alec whispered. 

“I love you, too,” Magnus said, gently cupping Alec’s cheek. “Now, how about we go see what dear Isabelle has to show us? I don’t think we should keep her waiting.” 

Alec nodded, accepting Magnus’s outstretched hand. When they stepped into the weapons room, the others were gathered around a table. A seraph blade sat on the table, and Alec leaned down to get a better look. 

The blade was longer than the typical seraph blade. The handle was slightly different as well, curved at the end. There was an intricate design woven into the blade that lit up like an activated rune every few seconds as if it had a heartbeat. 

“This blade is longer, but the same weight as a typical seraph blade,” Izzy explained. “The handle is slightly curved to make it easier to interact with. The blade is designed to take the energy from a hit it receives and redirect it into your target with your next attack. So every time you block someone’s attack, the blade will absorb the force of the attack and hold it in until you strike out with an attack of your own. When you do, your enemy will not only be hit with the force of your hit, but also with the force of theirs.” 

“This is incredible,” Alec breathed out, beaming with pride as he looked at his sister. 

“I know,” Izzy said, a small smirk on her lips. “The pulsing light that you see is from when I was testing it earlier. That is the energy that it has absorbed. When it does not have the energy absorbed, then it does not glow. So you can still be stealthy when needed.” 

Alec smiled at her as Lydia slowly picked up the blade, doing a few test swings. 

“And Alec,” Izzy said, leading him to another table. “This is for you.” 

She gestured to a bow that was lying on the table. After a moment of hesitation, he reached forward to pick it up. It was an intricate design of black and dark silver and weighed a little more than his typical bow.

“Go ahead and fire at that target,” she said, pointing at a target that was set up on the other side of the room. “And use this arrow.” 

Alec raised an eyebrow at the arrow she was handing him before accepting it and turning to face the target. He didn’t hesitate to knock the arrow and immediately fire at the target. Just before the arrow hit the bullseye, several smaller arrows exploded from it, striking all over the target. 

He lowered his bow, looking at the destroyed target with wide eyes. Izzy smiled. 

“I also have fire arrows, exploding arrows, and electrocuting arrows for you,” she said, stepping up to his side. “And one last thing. Hit the button just below where you place your arrows.” 

Alec did as she directed, and everyone watched as the bow quickly transformed into a seraph blade, exactly like the one Lydia was still holding. 

“These are some of the most impressive weapons I’ve ever seen,” Lydia said in awe. 

Izzy smiled. “I had some help from some seelies,” she said. And then she looked at Alec. “I knew it was only a matter of time before you would go to where the worst part of the fight is going to be. I knew that we needed to be prepared.” 

Alec looked down at the bow in his hands. He sensed a presence behind him and turned to see Simon standing in the doorway, eyes wide. 

“That was _the coolest thing I have ever seen_!” he exclaimed, stepping into the room and gesturing around with his hands. “You’re - you’re like Hawkeye, dude! Or part-transformer or something! The way that transformed into a blade - do you think I could get one of those?” 

The room was silent for a moment before Clary started laughing, quickly followed by Izzy and Lydia. 

“Oh Sherman,” Magnus said with a happy sigh. “Whatever would we do without your nerdy charm?”


	16. One Last Moment With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe how much this story has continued to grow. When I first started writing this, I never imagined it would be as long as it is (or take me this long to write it....ha). 
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking with me and this story. I get so many lovely comments from you all and it truly makes my day.

_“The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.”_

**One Day Later**

Jace punched relentlessly at the punching bag in the training room. Others who had been in the room when he arrived had eventually left, deciding to leave him to his thoughts. It was clear that he needed space. 

His knuckles bled, but he didn’t care. Sweat dripped down his forehead and neck, wetting the collar of his shirt. His hair kept messily falling in his eyes and he angrily wiped it back between punches. 

“Have you considered a haircut?” a light voice asked. 

Jace didn’t have to look to know it was Alec. He continued punching, aware of Alec walking closer, the sound of each footstep intensifying his nerves. Alec paused a few steps away, watching Jace for a few moments. 

“Can we talk?” he finally said, sidestepping so that he was in Jace’s line of vision. 

“I have nothing to say to you,” Jace said, punching even harder. 

Alec sighed. “Jace -”

“No!” Jace suddenly shouted, punching the bag one last time before looking at Alec. He brushed his hair out of his face again and took a step toward Alec. “I don’t have anything to say because it doesn’t matter. You won’t listen.” 

“I’m trying to listen to you right now!” Alec exclaimed, gesturing between the two of them. 

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” Jace nearly growled. 

“If you mean that I’m not going to change my mind about going to Idris, then yes, you’re right,” Alec said. “But -”

“No,” Jace cut in. “I said I have nothing to say to you.” 

“Jace, it’s my job. I’m the head of the institute and -”

“And you’re my brother!” Jace said, voice raw. “You’re my big brother. It’s your job to be here for me. Maybe that’s selfish of me to say but I _need_ you, Alec! I can’t live without you. Not again.” 

Alec’s expression softened. “Jace,” he breathed out. “I’ll always be here for you.” 

“But you weren’t,” Jace croaked. “And - and I can’t go through that again. The idea of you being away from me - it freaks me out. It makes me feel like I can’t breathe. Why can’t you get it through your thick head that people were broken when you died? I didn’t think I would ever feel happy again. And I finally have you back, but yet you’re so quick to risk your life again. Haven’t you done enough for these people - for us? You’ve done enough, Alec! You don’t need to keep sacrificing yourself!” 

“Who said anything about sacrificing myself?” Alec said, gesturing to himself. “I’m going to do everything I can to come back to you, Jace. This isn’t goodbye, okay? We’ll be able to check in with each other every day.” 

“Let me come with you,” Jace pleaded. “I want to be a part of the patrols.” 

Alec shook his head, stepping closer and placing his hand on Jace’s shoulder. “I need you here, protecting the institute. You are one of our best fighters. I need you to be the first line of defense in case there is an attack. You are one of the best shadowhunters of this generation, in case you haven’t heard.” 

He attempted to smile playfully at Jace, but it slipped off his face when Jace didn’t smile back. 

“I’m so tired of hearing that,” Jace said softly, walking away a few steps to sit on a bench. “I am so tired of everyone expecting me to be so amazing all the time. It’s exhausting.” 

Alec stared at him for a few moments before walking over to sit beside him, their shoulders touching. “I’m sorry,” he said, resting his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward slightly, looking over at Jace. “I didn’t realize you felt that way.” 

Jace let out a soft sigh before looking at Alec. “I guess that’s kind of my fault,” he admitted. “I didn’t exactly always let you in to how I was really feeling. I guess we are more alike than we thought.” 

This time, Jace forced a small, playful smile at Alec. Alec returned it. 

“I guess we are.” 

Jace ran a hand over his face. “I’m sorry for freaking out on you,” he said softly. “I just want this to all be over.” 

“Me too,” Alec said quietly, looking back down at the floor. 

“We spend our whole life training,” Jace murmured. “We learn how to fight, how to kill...but I don’t think anything ever prepares you for something like this.” 

“I don’t think anything can truly prepare you for war,” Alec replied. “Or for all the darkness that comes with it.” 

They both fell silent for several moments. Alec got lost in his thoughts, his eyes reflecting the light flowing in through the stain glass windows. It was Jace’s voice that pulled him back. 

“We’re going to win this.” 

Alec turned his head to see Jace looking at him intently. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen Jace look so serious. 

“Together,” Jace added. 

“Together,” Alec agreed. 

\--

Alec stepped into his room at the institute to find Magnus waiting for him. He was laying in the bed, reading through some spell books. 

“How did it go?” Magnus asked softly, referring to Jace, as he bookmarked his page and put the book down on the nightstand. 

He knew that things were strained between Alec and Jace ever since Alec had come back. Of course, the biggest emotion they both felt was relief. But almost losing someone so important to you, someone who literally composes half of your soul, it destroys a part of you. And letting go of the fear of losing them again is nearly impossible to do. 

Magnus had lost a lot of people in his long life, yet he found it hard to comfort Jace. None of the people Magnus had lost had ever come back from the dead. Except for Alec. These emotions were new for him, too. 

“Good,” Alec answered, sitting down on the edge of the bed to pull his boots off. 

Magnus snapped his fingers and Alec was changed into a pair of sweatpants and a black hoodie. Alec smiled, crawling under the covers and crossing his legs beneath him, sitting so that he was facing Magnus. 

“He yelled at first,” Alec said, absentmindedly playing with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “But it was good, because he told me how he was feeling. And we were able to talk some things out.” 

“Good,” Magnus said, smiling softly. His smile slowly disappeared. “You leave in the morning.” 

Alec’s eyes drifted up to meet his. “I do.” 

Magnus shifted closer, taking Alec’s hand in his own. “Can we not talk about it?” he said quietly. “Can we just enjoy this night together?” 

Alec nodded, crawling closer and wrapping his arms around Magnus’s waist, and lying his head in Magnus’s lap. Magnus gently ran his fingers through his hair. 

“What’s your favorite color?” Magnus suddenly asked. 

Alec turned his face to look up at Magnus, his eyebrows furrowed. “My favorite color?” 

Magnus chuckled. “Yeah. And you can’t choose black.” 

After a moment, Alec smiled. “Fine,” he said, pulling the blanket around them more. “Green. Like a dark green - like the color of Christmas trees.” 

Magnus hummed thoughtfully. “I thought shadowhunters didn’t celebrate Christmas?” 

“We don’t,” Alec said, laying his head back in Magnus’s lap. “But one time, after a hunt, I didn't want to go back to the institute. The mission had been a success, but I just wasn’t ready to go back and deal with whatever was next. So I decided to walk around the city. It was snowing and the air was just brisk enough to make my cheeks burn a little. Mundanes were everywhere, doing their Christmas shopping, I guess. Normally, I would glamour myself. But that time I didn’t. I ended up in Central Park, where they display some of the big Christmas trees. And I just sat on a bench and...enjoyed the moment, I guess. Everyone was so happy, so cheerful. It was a nice change of pace. And ever since that night, I always make sure to go to that bench around Christmas time and just enjoy the peace. It reminds me that there is good in the world, and while I might not ever fully understand mundanes, I am glad that I get to protect them from the darkness of our world.” 

Magnus was silent for several moments, letting Alec’s words sink in. 

“What’s yours?” Alec asked, breaking the silence. 

“Gold,” Magnus answered without a moment of hesitation. 

Alec shifted onto his back, his head still in Magnus’s lap, so that he could look up at him without having to turn his head. He bent his knees up so that his feet were resting on the bed rather than hanging off. 

“Gold?” he repeated, still smiling. “Like the color of your cat eyes?” 

Magnus’s smile widened. “Not quite. More like the shade of the flecks of gold in your eyes.” 

A blush spread across Alec’s cheeks and he covered his face with his hands. Magnus took ahold of his hands, pulling them away from Alec’s face and kissing them. 

“It reminds me of the sun in Indonesia,” Magnus said softly. “The way it reflects along the water or weaves through the rice fields. It makes me feel like I have a little bit of my old home with me wherever I go.” 

Alec stared up at him for a moment. “Do you miss Indonesia?” 

“I can visit whenever I like,” Magnus said with a small shrug. “And it wasn’t really home for long. And my life wasn’t exactly happy there. Not like it is now.” 

“In Brooklyn?” Alec asked, shifting so that he was sitting beside Magnus, his knee overlapping Magnus’s. 

“No,” Magnus said, smiling softly at him. “With you. Whenever I am with you, no matter where we may be, I am home.” 

Alec was rendered speechless. 

Magnus reached his hand out, cupping Alec’s face gently. “I love you so much, Alexander.” 

“I love you, too,” Alec breathed out. 

“I - I know I said I didn’t want to talk about it,” Magnus said softly, brushing the pad of his thumb over Alec’s cheek. “But I just - I need to tell you how proud of you I am. And how lucky I feel to have you in my life. And I know, I _know_ that this will not be our last night together. We are going to win this. We’re going to survive this. I’m going to marry you. And we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.” 

Alec hung on to Magnus’s every word. 

“Thank you for saving me,” Alec suddenly whispered, and Magnus broke. 

A choked sob escaped his lips, and he pulled his hand away from Alec’s face to cover his mouth. 

“Before I met you,” Alec continued, a distant sound to his voice, “I was so lost. I was so torn up on the inside and I...I hated who I was. I hated that I didn’t know how to do anything other than blindly follow orders - that I was too scared to do anything else. I was so scared to be myself. I just pushed, and pushed, and pushed myself to satisfy everyone. To try to show that I was good enough. I was reaching my breaking point, but then I met you. And you were like a breath of fresh air.”

Magnus smiled at Alec despite the tears that ran down his cheeks. He lowered his hand from his mouth, taking ahold of one of Alec’s hands, running his thumb over the engagement ring. 

“The moment I saw you that night in Pandemonium,” Magnus forced out softly, “I knew you were someone special. You entered my life like a wrecking ball, but in the best way possible. You broke down the walls I had built around myself. I had become so untrusting and disconnected from those around me. I didn’t want to love again. Not for a long time. But then you - you were there. And I saw the depths of your soul in your eyes. So much more than you let anyone see. And I knew that I had to know you. I fell in love with you so quickly, Alexander. Nothing has ever felt so _right_ in my life. And I am so, so lucky to get to have forever with you. Because the thought of losing you is unbearable. I don’t think I would have been able to go on without you. This - our love - words can’t even begin to describe how immense it is. Nothing could ever truly compare to how much I love you.” 

Alec leaned forward, connecting their lips. Magnus brought his hands up, cupping Alec’s face. The kiss was long and desperate, filled with every emotion both of them were feeling - love, gratitude, hope, and a hint of fear. 

Two souls were bonded so close, only death could sever it. But even then, the love could never truly be gone, not one this powerful. Whatever was to come next, they were ready to face it. 

Together. 

\--

Alec woke first, enveloped in the warmth that was Magnus’s arms. Alec squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, willing the wave of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him to go away. If he didn’t fight them, they would consume him. 

He allowed himself to have another moment. One more moment to be in Magnus’s arms, to feel his warmth, and to just be with him. He wasn’t sure when would be his next chance to have a moment like this. 

And then he slowly shifted, careful not to wake Magnus as he climbed out of the bed. He slipped into the bathroom, quickly getting ready and changing into a pair of black jeans and a gray long sleeve shirt. 

When he stepped out of the bathroom, Magnus was starting to wake. 

“Come back to bed,” he mumbled, blindly reaching for him. 

Alec chuckled, walking over and crouching next to the side of the bed. Magnus blinked at him tiredly, and then he seemed to become more aware of his surroundings and sighed. 

There was a pang in Alec’s chest, knowing that for a moment in Magnus’s mind, they had been back at the loft getting ready to start their normal morning. 

Alec reached out, running his hands through Magnus’s hair. “I’m supposed to meet Izzy in the weapons room with Clary, Luke, Meliorn, Catarina, and Jacob.” 

Jacob was the vampire Raphael had chosen as his second in command to go to the patrols. Raphael would be staying back, like Magnus. They had all agreed it would be important for someone from each downworld species to be a representative at the patrols. Magnus had wanted to go, but then he and Alec decided it would be best for him to remain at the institute with Jace to help protect it. Catarina volunteered to go in his place. 

“Wait just another moment,” Magnus said softly, studying Alec’s face. Alec couldn’t quite read the emotion there. And then Magnus sat up. “I’m coming with you.”

Alec nodded, standing and taking a step back. Magnus climbed out of the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. He came out just moments later, changed and ready to take on the day. He took ahold of Alec’s hand and they walked out of the room together. 

Everyone was already in the weapons room, Izzy and Lydia standing by a table near the front. Once Alec and Magnus joined the others, Izzy was quick to get straight to business. 

“I’ve packed your things,” she said, pointing to where six black duffle bags sat on the floor. “One for each of you. They have changes of clothes, weapons, and anything else you might need.”

“Supplies started going out to the patrols last night and will continue until you are fully stocked so that you can be operational,” Lydia added. “Each bag contains special armor that is to be worn by everyone when out on patrol.” 

“Armor?” Alec said, raising an eyebrow. 

Izzy nodded. She led him over to a table where a black armor suit was laid out across the table. Plates of protective armor were sewn into what appeared to be similar to a body suit. An intricate design weaved between the plates, pulsing with a faint light, reminding Alec of the advanced seraph blade Izzy had created. 

“I know it appears...snug,” Izzy said, smiling slightly at Alec’s raised eyebrow. “But it is designed to adjust to the person wearing it. It will fit everyone perfectly.” 

Alec looked down at it in amazement and then at Izzy. “This will adjust to fit everyone?” 

“Yes,” Izzy said. “And this button right here?” she added, pointing at a nearly unnoticeable button on the upper left of the chest piece, “will allow you to communicate to anyone else on a patrol with the armor on. The armor molds and moves with your body and movements, so you don’t need to worry about it limiting you in any way.” 

“This is incredible, Iz,” Alec said, running his hand over it. 

She smiled at him. “It can also blend into your surroundings, helping to conceal you if needed. Similar to glamour.”

“Yours is a little different,” Lydia added, walking over to Alec’s bag. 

Alec furrowed his eyebrows, watching as Lydia unzipped it and pulled out his armour. While the others were all black, he noticed a flash of silver on his. Lydia handed it to him, and he noticed the “courage in combat” rune etched into the upper right of his. 

“You are the leader that everyone looks up to,” Izzy said softly, but proudly. “Seeing this, it will remind people of hope, even in the darkest of times. Just like you have.” 

“We think the six of you should be wearing your armor when you cross through to Idris. It will show how unified we are and that we are ready to take down Valentine,” Lydia said, gesturing to their bags. She then walked up to Alec, handing him his suit. “You leave in one hour.” 

\--

Magnus stood with Jace and Izzy in one of the back halls of the institute, waiting for Alec and the others to arrive. They would be leaving in just a few minutes. Magnus was doing everything he could not to think about the fact that Alec was about to enter a battlefield, and that he didn’t know when the next time he would see him would be. 

Alec was a soldier. It was his job, and Magnus respected him greatly for it. But Alec was so much more than just a soldier. Magnus loved everything about this man, and Magnus knew that if something were to happen to Alec again, it would not just hurt him. It would hurt the downworld and any progress that had been made toward peace. As much as Magnus wanted to take Alec somewhere far away from the dangers that surrounded them, he knew it was a selfish want. Alec had started something amazing, and Alec needed to be the one to finish it.

The sound of footsteps caught Magnus’s attention, and he looked up just as Alec and Clary came around the corner. 

The suit of armor hugged every inch of Alec’s body perfectly. The neck was high, nearly covering his deflect rune, and the suit left barely any of Alec uncovered. Other than the top of his neck and his face, no skin was visible. He wore black gloves on his hands and the suit’s black boots reached up to his mid-calf. His quiver was slung over his shoulder, and Magnus knew Alec’s bow was there, too, just glamoured. 

“The suits are even more impressive on, Isabelle,” he said, and she gave him a knowing smirk.

Alec reached them, taking a deep breath. “The others will be here in a minute.” 

Izzy reached forward, placing one hand on his shoulder and one hand on Clary’s. “Be careful, both of you,” she said seriously. “And look out for each other. If something happens to either of you, I am going to kill you myself, got it?” 

Clary smiled and placed her hand overtop of Izzy’s. Izzy sighed and pulled her in for a quick hug. She then stepped back and did the same to Alec. 

Magnus watched the scene, feeling a pang in his heart. Jace stepped up to Alec next. They shared a long look, not needing to speak, before Alec pulled Jace into his arms. They stayed like that for a long moment, and Magnus could have sworn that for just a brief moment, a soft glow surrounded them, showing the strength of their parabatai bond. 

And then they seperated. Jace made his way to Clary while Alec walked over to Magnus. Alec reached out to take ahold of Magnus’s hand, and it took Magnus a moment to realize that Alec was pressing something into his palm. 

Magnus looked down at his hand to see one of the small earpieces Luke had gotten them for when they had been hunting Jonathan. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, looking back up at Alec. 

“I’ll have one on me at all times,” Alec said softly, gesturing to his ear. “This way we will always be able to communicate with each other when I am not on patrol.” 

“Oh, thank heaven,” Magnus breathed out. He smiled weakly at Alec and jokingly added. “I didn’t think to get you anything.” 

A smile blossomed on Alec’s face, and he looked at Magnus lovingly. “I’ll let it slide, just this once.” 

Magnus pocketed the earpiece and then launched himself forward, wrapping his arms around Alec. For a moment, he was not the High Warlock of Brooklyn. He was Magnus, hugging his boyfriend as he prepared to leave for war. Alec brought his arms up and around Magnus, holding him close and burying his face into Magnus’s neck. 

Magnus allowed himself to have a few more vulnerable moments before pulling back. He reached up, brushing Alec’s cheek with his thumb for a brief moment before taking a small step back just as the others arrived. 

Catarina approached them, and Magnus turned to look at her. 

“Well, don’t you look lethal?” Magnus said playfully, a smirk slipping onto his lips. It was forced, but Magnus knew how to pull off any act when he needed to. Alec stared at him intently, always seeing through Magnus’s masks. 

“I look like a shadowhunter,” Catarina deadpanned. She looked toward Alec. “No offense.” 

“None taken,” Alec said, suppressing a smile as he tore his eyes away from Magnus’s face to look at her. 

“It’s time,” Lydia called out, and everyone turned to look at Magnus. 

He nodded and took a few steps forward, taking a deep breath before conjuring up a portal, knowing that Imogen had only approved them for a specific time and they could not wait any moment longer. 

“I love you,” Alec mouthed to him. 

“I love you, too,” Magnus mouthed back. 

And then Alec turned away from him, leading the way through the portal. The others followed quickly. Magnus stared at the portal for a few moments, willing Alec to come walking back through even though he knew it was a hopeless thought. And then with a single flick of his wrist, he closed the portal, engulfing the room in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to reach out to me anytime on Tumblr (@lovelywritesx) or on Twitter (@ReneeWritesx)!
> 
> Also, in roughly two weeks I will be going on a trip to England. I will try my best to get the next chapter out before then so you aren't left waiting even longer! :)


	17. The Sound of Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I'm back from England with a new chapter - enjoy! :)

_No matter how painful distance can be, not having you in my life would be worse._

-

Magnus had decided to stay at the institute in Alec’s old room rather than at their loft. While the loft would have definitely been Magnus’s first choice, he somehow felt closer to Alec here. Alec was forced out into a battlefield, sleeping in an unfamiliar place. Part of Magnus felt it was only fair if he did the same. 

Alec had put his trust in him to help protect the institute, and he intended to do just that. This institute had been home for Alec for many years, and while not all of the memories were happy ones for him, it was where Alec had grown up, learned how to fight, and bonded with his siblings. A small part of it would always be home, and Magnus understood that. It was how he felt about Indonesia. 

It had been four days since Alec had crossed through the portal to Idris to help Luke lead the patrols. Four days of silence. Other than routine check ins from the patrols, he hadn’t heard from Alec. He had tried contacting him through the earpiece, but he had been met with nothing but soft static. 

Magnus wasn’t sure if it was ever going to get easier. He knew that technically, Alec wasn’t in a war zone. As far as they were aware, Valentine had not been able to cross over to Idris. And with the new protections put in place, his chances were slim. 

But Magnus was worried about people Valentine had on the inside. 

Anyone would be a fool to say that Valentine didn’t have any followers living in Idris, or even as members of the Clave. There could even be followers in the institute. Everyone had to be on high alert at all times. 

The familiar crackling of a fire message caught his attention and he looked up just as it flew toward where he stood in the opscenter. He caught it easily, smiling when he recognized Alec’s messy handwriting. 

_October 1st_

_Magnus,_

_Things are going well here. The first few days were a little chaotic, but I think everyone is falling into a bit of a routine now. It’s incredible seeing shadowhunters and downworlders working side by side in Idris. It’s something I never really thought I would see._

_I’m sorry that I haven’t reached out to you sooner. We were searched by security when we arrived in Idris and they took my earpiece. They said it was a way for Valentine to track where the patrols are if he ever managed to get ahold of another._

_When this is all over, you can take me to wherever you like. Somewhere far from here where no one can find us, at least for a little while. I think a vacation is long overdue._

_Catarina says hi. Tell Izzy and Jace that I say hello._

_I miss you, and I love you._

_Alec_

Magnus grinned widely, not caring who may see him smiling like an idiot in the opscenter. 

“Is that from Alec?” 

Magnus’s smile slipped slightly and he turned around to see Maryse standing there. 

Maryse looked different. She had always been cold, rigid, and stern. He had never seen her dressed in anything but the most appropriate of dresses, and her hair was always slicked back, adding to her strict appearance. 

But today, it was like he was looking at a different person. She still had a stiffness to her, but her hair was looser, braided to the side with a few strands framing her face. She wore black pants tucked into boots that came up to her mid-calf, and a grey, long jacket that wrapped around her torso. She appeared younger than Magnus had ever seen her. 

“It is,” Magnus finally said, tearing his eyes away from her to look down at the letter. He gently folded it and tucked it into his back pocket before looking back up at her. “He says hello.” 

A faint smile touched Maryse’s lips, but she shook her head. “You don’t have to lie for me,” she said, her voice not as icy as usual, but not exactly warm either. “I just want to know that he’s okay?” 

“He is,” Magnus said. “He said things are going very smoothly.” 

“Good,” Maryse murmured with a curt nod. 

She started to turn away, but then she turned back to look at Magnus. She hesitated for a moment before looking directly at him. Magnus stared back, apprehension filling his stomach. 

“I have been unfair. To both you and Alec. And I realize that now, and I am sorry for it. My own unhappiness has made me cruel, and it wasn’t right for me to take it out on my children,” she paused, closing her eyes for a moment before looking at Magnus. “Especially on Alec. Robert and I were so tough on him, I stopped being his mother and started becoming his dictator. I never wanted to do that to him. I - it’s going to take me a while to change. But I am trying. And I’m...I am happy that you are part of his life, Magnus. You made my boy happy. You did something that I could never do.” 

Magnus blinked at her, trying to process her words. Part of him wanted to blindly accept her apology and move on, but a bigger part of him had too many questions. 

“Did you know?” he blurted out, cringing inwardly at the bluntness of it. Maybe Alec was rubbing off on him even more than he realized. 

Maryse raised an eyebrow. “Know what?” 

There was no going back now. “That Alec was gay.” 

Maryse sighed, brushing a strand of loose hair back before nodding slowly. “I suspected when he was about ten. I mean, Alec was always a bit different. He was quieter than most kids his age. He didn’t want anything to do with anyone, really. Other than Izzy and eventually Jace, when we took him in. He was kind, but also direct and blunt, much like he is now. He grew up too fast - I suppose Robert and I are to blame for that. But yes, I noticed the way he looked at Jace. It wasn’t love, not like what he has with you. It was...confusion. It was a young boy trying to come to terms with who he is with no one there to help him figure it out. So instead, he did what I always taught him - swallowed his emotions, turned them off, and became a soldier and nothing else.” 

Magnus listened intently as Maryse spoke. As much as he did not like the woman, he couldn’t stop himself from saying, “I hear you blaming yourself a lot. It wasn’t just you, Maryse. It was Robert, too.” 

For the quickest of moments, Maryse’s resolve crumbled. For just a flash, Magnus witnessed the true pain she was feeling. But then her features were composed again. If he had blinked, he might have missed it. 

“Robert and I have not been happy for a long time,” Maryse admitted quietly, keeping her expression neutral. “And we both took out our frustration on Alec instead of dealing with it. We...we have seperated. And we will make the divorce official when this whole mess is over.” 

_Typical Lightwood_ , Magnus thought, _putting their duty before themselves._

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Magnus said softly. 

“No, you’re not,” Maryse said, flashing him a coy smile. She said nothing more, turning on her heel and walking to the other end of the opscenter where she had set up a desk to help keep up with documentation of anything and everything from Valentine sightings to demon activity. 

Magnus watched her for a moment before turning around to see Jace standing a few steps away. 

“You okay?” Jace asked, voice rough. “Did she say anything to you?” 

Magnus walked over to him, fiddling with his ear cuff. “She apologized.” 

Jace’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You’re joking, right?”

Magnus shook his head and then looked at Jace curiously. “Have you spoken with her at all since Alec came back?” 

Jace glanced over Magnus’s shoulder in Maryse’s direction before looking back at him “No,” he said, voice hard. “I have nothing to say to her.” 

“She is trying, Jace,” Magnus said softly. “I know she can never truly make up for the way she treated Alec. But she is trying.” 

“I enabled it,” Jace suddenly blurted, his angry expression dissolving to remorse.

Magnus furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean?” 

“I never stood up for him,” Jace forced out, brushing some hair out of his face. “I never defended him. I stood there while Maryse berated him and praised me. I - I didn’t even think about how he might have been feeling. I just stood there every time and let it happen. I let him take the fall for me when I messed up. I was reckless on missions, not even thinking about the aftermath he would have to deal with. I broke the rules all the time. I never listened to him. I never stopped, not once, to think about him. I only ever thought about myself. I was too blind to see how much he was being torn apart by everything. I don’t understand how he doesn’t hate me. I -”

“Jace,” Magnus cut in, stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Breathe. Alec could never hate you, okay? That’s all in the past. What matters is that you are here for him now. He loves you, Jace. You’re his parabatai, but most importantly, you’re his brother.” 

“I just wish he knew how sorry I was for all of that,” Jace croaked. 

Magnus gestured toward Jace’s parabatai rune with his other hand. “He knows, Jace. He knows.” 

\--

Alec frowned slightly, his hand hovering over his parabatai rune. He could feel a range of emotions coming from Jace. And then he felt warmth being pushed through the bond, and something that felt like remorse. Alec shook his head, knowing Jace was feeling guilty about something. He focused on sending understanding back through the bond, and after a few moments, he felt Jace’s peace and a small smile drifted to his face. 

“Earth to Alec,” Catarina said, waving her hand at him. “Stop daydreaming about Magnus.” 

Alec and Catarina were sitting on a log by the fire in their camp near one of the makeshift ops centers for the patrols. Everyone had gone to sleep for the night except for the two of them and the people keeping watch on the borders of the camp. 

“It was Jace,” Alec defended, gesturing to his parabatai rune. “He was being needy.” 

“The blonde, broody one?” Catarina said, pausing for a moment to consider. “Yeah, I can see that.” 

Alec smiled at her before looking back at the fire. Both of their faces were illuminated by the flames, casting them in a soft glow. They were stripped of their patrol armor, instead dressed in the clothing that had been provided for the people working the patrols. They were both dressed in black pants tucked into boots, gray t-shirts, and black jackets. 

“Seriously,” Catarina mumbled, kicking at a stick with her boot. “Do you shadowhunters believe in color?” 

Alec chuckled. “These are the clothes provided to everyone working in institutes. If we want something different, we have to buy it ourselves. The Clave insists that the purpose is to establish a sense of unity among us all, but I think its another way for them to control us.” 

Catarina raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?” 

“To the Clave, we are just soldiers. If we live past our time in the field and move on to other things, like positions in Idris or something like that, then you get viewed a little differently. With a little more respect. But until then, you’re just a number.” 

“Even you?” Catarina pressed. “The eldest Lightwood son? That has to mean something.” 

Alec shrugged. “It means people know my name, my family. I guess it makes me more than just a number, but I don’t think I’m a big favorite with the Clave.” 

“Imogen seems to like you,” Catarina countered. “Although, I’m not sure if that really means much.” 

Alec smiled at her before giving another small shrug. “Right now it does. Without her on our side, I’m not sure how much of this would be possible.”

Alec turned his gaze back to the fire that was slowly dwindling. Catarina stared at him for a moment before pulling her gaze away as well. 

“Times are changing,” she said softly, rekindling the flames with a wave of her hand. “Your generation of shadowhunters...you’re different. When Magnus told me he was seeing a shadowhunter, a Lightwood to be specific, I thought he’d officially gone mad.” 

Alec pressed his lips together, smiling down at the engagement ring on his finger. 

“I didn’t trust you when I first met you,” Catarina added. “Old habits die hard, I guess. And I think it’ll still be a long time before I ever trust a shadowhunter right when I meet them. But I trust you now, and I understand why he loves you. Magnus has been with many people, but he hasn’t had many true, big loves. And the two of you...you make everything else seem so small. I mean it when I say that I have never seen Magnus love someone like the way he loves you. And I’ve known Magnus for a long time.” 

Warmth spread through Alec, and he felt a blush rise to his cheeks. She grinned at him, and he lifted his mug to his lips to try to hide his growing smile. He took a long sip of his drink before looking back at her. 

“How did you and Magnus meet?” he asked. 

Catarina let out a fond sigh. “We met in Spain in the early 1800s. It was a dark time. Witches were being hunted and killed due to the fear of evil that had spread throughout the world. Magnus saved my life.” 

Alec smiled slightly. “Sounds like he’s always been saving people.” 

“That’s Magnus for you,” Catarina agreed. “He can’t leave anyone to fend for themselves once he has seen their distress. It’s one of the many great things about him, but I sometimes can’t help but think that it might also be one of his greatest flaws.” 

“What was he like?” Alec asked, before adding, “When you first met him.” 

“He was much more carefree when I first met him,” Catarina said softly. “Not necessarily in a good way. He didn’t...he didn’t have a purpose. He was just moving from place to place with no ties to anything. I think I was one of his first friends that he actually decided to keep around. Me and then Ragnor and eventually Raphael. After he helped Raphael with his transition, I think he finally began to find his purpose. Helping others, downworlders specifically who didn’t have anyone else to help guide them, much like when he was younger. He became happier after that.” 

Alec could picture it clearly, Magnus helping others. Since Alec had gotten to know Magnus, heart and soul, he sometimes felt like he had always known him. 

The familiar sound of a fire message caught his attention and he looked up as one appeared above him. He caught it easily, angling it toward the fire so he could see Magnus’s elegant handwriting. 

_October 1st_

_Alexander,_

_I am so happy to hear from you. I was trying not to worry, especially since Jace has shown no signs of pain, but your message truly calmed me._

_Of course things are going well - you are a brilliant leader and you have done an amazing thing by bringing our people together. Izzy is kicking ass as the weapons master and Jace is doing great with security. No one is taking this institute without one hell of a fight._

_I spoke with your mother earlier. Not necessarily great, but a step in the right direction. She’s trying, and I guess that’s a good thing to see. She was very happy to see that I had heard from you._

_A vacation is long overdue, darling. I’m thinking a small, wonderful village in England where I spent some time many, many years ago. I still have a cottage there and no one will no who we are._

_Love you always,_

_Magnus_

“Based on the smile on your face,” Catarina smirked, “I’m going to guess that it’s from Magnus.” 

Alec didn’t bother trying to contain his smile. He read the letter over a few more times, imagining Magnus’s voice as he did. He felt a pang in his heart, he missed Magnus so much. 

Catarina stood, sensing it was time to give Alec some space. “You’re a good man, Alec,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “And when this is all over, I can’t wait to see you and Magnus finally say I Do.” 

He smiled up at her from where he still sat. She squeezed his shoulder and then turned, heading in the direction of the sleeping barracks. 

Alec remained seated on the log, gently folding the letter and tucking it into the inside pocket of his jacket. He stared at the flames for a few moments longer, imagining Magnus, Jace, and Izzy running the institute and keeping it safe, pride swelling in him. And then he stood, putting out the fire before following the same path Catarina had to the sleeping barracks. 

He slipped inside quietly, going over to his bed and pulling his bag out from underneath it. 

“What are you doing?” A voice whispered. 

Alec looked up to see Clary peering down at him from the bunk above his. 

“Going for a walk,” Alec whispered back as he pulled his witchlight out of his bag. 

Clary sat up, climbing down quietly to stand beside him, making it clear she was going with him. Alec resisted the urge to roll his eyes and signaled for her to follow. 

Once they were away from the main camp, Clary let out a breath as the leaves crunched beneath their boots. They walked only a little further before Alec spotted a fallen tree and made his way over to it, sitting down. 

“I thought we were walking?” Clary asked before joining him. 

“Meliorn’s patrol is due back this way soon,” Alec said, gesturing further into the trees. “I don’t want to catch them off guard, so we can’t go too far.” 

Clary said nothing, watching as Alec pulled out his stele and began to write a fire message. She didn’t dare read what he wrote, knowing it was private. Clary respected Alec, and she hoped that one day he would respect her the same way. She knew that she had gained his trust, but respect was a whole other thing. 

“Thank you,” she said suddenly, catching herself by surprise. 

Alec finished whatever he was writing and sent it off before looking at her with a raised eyebrow. “For what?” 

“Everything, I guess,” she said, with a shrug. “For helping me even when you hated me. For looking out for me. And for believing in me. It means a lot to me that you selected me to join the patrols. I know that none of it was an easy decision and it just - it means a lot to me that you trust me enough to do this.” 

“You’ve learned a lot in the past year,” Alec said. “You still have a lot to learn, but there’s no denying that you are meant to be a shadowhunter, Clary. A great one. And you’re already on the path to do just that. You trust me with your life, so I trust you with mine. I chose you for these patrols because you think differently than most shadowhunters. And we need that type of thinking here.” 

Clary smiled at him. 

“Besides,” Alec added. “You finally made Jace pull his head out of his ass. I give kudos to anyone who can do that.” 

Clary laughed and after just a brief moment of hesitation, she leaned her head on Alec’s shoulder. Alec smiled faintly, lips pressed together, and together they enjoyed the peaceful quiet of the night. 

\--

_October 2nd_

_Magnus,_

_You spoke to my mother, and it was a pleasant conversation? That’s something I never expected._

_Thank you for looking out for the institute, and most importantly for keeping an eye on Jace and Izzy. Knowing the three of you have each other brings me some peace. I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am today if it wasn’t for you, and I honestly don’t think I can ever thank you enough for everything you have done for me and everything you have sacrificed to help those around you._

_Catarina told me how the two of you met. Sounds to me like you have always been amazing._

_England sounds perfect. Anywhere with you will be perfect. All I need is you by my side._

_Yours forever,_

_Alec_

\--

_October 3rd_

_My Darling Alexander,_

_I am not sure if I would describe the conversation with your mother as pleasant, but it was polite, so I guess you could say it was borderline pleasant._

_Jace and I have been training together. You should have seen the look on his face when I knocked him on his ass in less than thirty seconds. You’d think he’d learn to stop underestimating me by now._

_Izzy’s designs continue to amaze everyone. I expect it’s only a matter of time before you have new weapons in every institute across the world._

_We are constantly working to update the institute’s security, and other institutes are following our lead. Lydia is doing amazing in your place, but I think everyone is ready to have you back when this is all over. After we run away to England for a little while first, of course._

_Your mother is flawless at paperwork, by the way. I don’t know how she sits there and does it all day without losing her mind, but I’m just glad that it means I don’t have to do any of it. Everyone is really stepping up around here._

_I love you so much, Alexander. I can’t wait to have you in my arms again._

_Yours,_

_Magnus_

_P.S. Jace wants me to ask how Clary is. He’s too embarrassed to write her a letter himself, apparently._

\--

_October 3rd_

_Magnus,_

_If you really want to catch Jace by surprise, go for his shoulders right away. He’s never focused at the beginning of training sessions and will never see a blow like that coming. You’d think he’d realize that by now, but it never fails to beat him. Every. Single. Time._

_The patrols are starting to grow impatient. Everyone is anxious, waiting for Valentine to finally make his move. I think it’s taking its toll and morale is low. Luke and I are doing our best to keep everyone motivated, but tensions are rising._

_You can let Jace know that Clary is doing great. She’s really tough and is doing a great job of setting an example and remaining upbeat. Normally I’d find her non-stop chatter annoying, but for once I think it is helpful for everyone to see someone being positive._

_The Inquisitor has sent Malachi and his troops to meet up with us. They should be here by sunrise. I think that will bring people some encouragement._

_I still can’t thank you enough for everything, Magnus. I love you so much._

_Please let Izzy know how proud I am of her._

_Always,_

_Alec_

\--

_October 4th_

_Alexander,_

_I will definitely have to keep that shoulder move with Jace in mind for the next time we spar._

_Tensions are high everywhere. Waiting for Valentine to make his next move has everyone on edge. But we are ready, and we will be more than prepared for when he decides to strike._

_I’ve been attempting to learn how to shoot a bow. It helps me feel closer to you. I have to give you credit, darling. You make it seem so easy. You’re definitely going to have to give me some lessons when this mess is all over._

_I’ll make sure to let Jace know that Clary is doing well. He’s totally smitten for her, you know? It’s kind of adorable._

_I can’t thank you enough either, Alexander. You showed me how to love again._

_Love,_

_Magnus_

\--

_October 7th_

_Alexander,_

_Two days of silence from you has felt like an eternity. I hope everything is going well with the troops joining you. So proud of you._

_Love always,_

_Magnus_

\--

_October 8th_

_Alexander, please send me something, anything, to let me know that you are okay._

Magnus had just watched his fire message disappear when the door to Alec’s room burst open. He spun to see Jace standing there, eyes wide and breathing heavily. 

“Major demon activity has been picked up on the monitors.” 

“Where?” Magnus demanded as he fell into step beside Jace as they hurried toward the opscenter. 

“Everywhere for at least five blocks in every direction,” Jace forced out as he quickened his pace. “They are heading straight for us.” 

Magnus felt determination settle in his stomach as they entered the opscenter. Lydia and Izzy were already standing at a monitor. 

“This is it,” Magnus murmured before speaking louder as they reached the monitor. “Valentine is making his move. We need to alert the patrols.”

Lydia turned to look at Magnus, a solemn expression on her face. “I already tried. They’ve gone dark. No one has heard from them in the past two days.” 

Magnus felt like the ground was ripped out from beneath his feet as his heart dropped into his stomach.


	18. Checkmate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience with this chapter!!
> 
> This is like THE chapter, where everything comes down to the final showdown. I have been working on this chapter basically since the start of this story, writing little snippets whenever a blast of inspiration hit me (even in my notebooks at work). I have been working on putting it all together for nearly three weeks now, and I think I am finally satisfied enough with it to finally post it. 
> 
> Warning, this chapter is a whirlwind of emotions. I sure felt quite a range of emotions as I wrote this. 
> 
> I hope it does this story, and your expectations, justice. :)

_“In my memory, it doesn’t end. We just stay there, looking at each other, forever.”_

-

The explosion had taken the institute completely by surprise. Magnus had seen his fair share of horrible things, but he knew this was something that would haunt him for a long time to come. 

Demon screams and the stench of blood filled the air. Ash fell from everywhere he looked, coating the ground in smears of black. Half the institute was gone, reduced to a crumble of stone and dust. 

Bodies lay everywhere, victims of both the explosion and the demons. The alarms still blared, but Magnus could barely hear them over the ringing in his ears. 

He forced himself to sit up. He had managed to throw up a shield at the last moment, but it had been weak and the force of the impact from the explosion had still knocked him unconscious. 

Jace and Izzy were nowhere to be seen. Magnus rose onto one knee, preparing to stand, when the sight of a hand sticking out from beneath some rubble caught his attention. 

Panic bubbled within him and he hurried over, quickly but gently working to remove the stone. Lydia’s blonde hair came into view. He pulled off a few more stones before he stopped his movements, looking down at her. Her lifeless eyes stared back at him. 

Magnus closed his eyes for a long movement, willing himself to take a deep breath. He reopened them and reached forward to gently close her eyes. He took one final moment to grieve before looking around. He needed to move. 

The sound of fighting suddenly reached his ears. He spun toward one of the doorways, still down on one knee, magic flaring in his palms. Izzy and Jace appeared, moving backwards through the door as they defended themselves against four demons that were snarling ferociously. 

Magnus stood, throwing his arms out. Angry, red magic burst from his palms, navigating around the shadowhunters to obliterate the demons to dust in mere seconds. 

Izzy’s shoulders sagged in relief as she turned and her eyes met Magnus’s. She hurried forward, pulling him into her arms. 

“Thank god you’re okay,” she gasped out. “When I woke up, Jace and I were in the hall. Demons were everywhere and we didn’t see you.” 

Magnus gave her a squeeze before pulling back, looking between her and Jace. “How bad is the damage?” 

“Several wounded,” Jace said, reporting like a soldier. “And even more dead. What is left of the medical team are treating the wounded. The infirmary is completely full. Valentine made it through to Idris.” 

Dread filled Magnus. “We have to go after him.” 

Izzy hesitated. “The plan was for us to defend the Institute, and if we failed then the patrols were to step up. Alec wouldn’t want us to leave the institute...or what’s left of it.” 

“Screw the plan!” Magnus exclaimed, throwing an arm out. “The patrols haven’t been heard from in two days! They need us.” 

“I’m with Magnus,” Jace said, no emotion in his voice. 

“How will you get through?” Izzy demanded. “Imogen put up a barrier to all portals that aren’t approved.” 

“Valentine got through,” Magnus pointed out. “So the barrier must be broken.”

Izzy still looked torn. She wanted nothing more than to go find Alec and fight by his side. But she couldn’t just think like his sister right now, she had to think like a soldier. That’s what Alec would want her to do. 

“Go,” another voice said suddenly. 

The three of them turned to see Simon limping toward them, Maia and Raphael just a few steps behind. All three of them had blood on them, but none of their injuries seemed to be life-threatening. 

“Go,” Simon said again, this time looking at Jace and Magnus. “We’ll stay with Izzy to help the institute.” 

Izzy stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you,” she said softly. 

He nodded to her, offering a sad, forced smile. 

Izzy looked back at Magnus and Jace. “Go save us all,” she said grimly. “And please, try not to get yourself killed.” 

Jace stepped forward, pulling her in for a brief hug. Then he pulled back, nodding determinedly to Magnus. Without another moment of hesitation, Magnus opened a portal. They simultaneously took a deep breath, and then stepped through. 

\--

They stepped into the aftermath of a warzone. What was clearly once a patrol camp was now completely destroyed. Tents and makeshift buildings burned. Dark, thick smoke made it difficult to see and breathe. Bodies lay everywhere. Disregarded weapons lay scattered. There wasn’t a single sign of life in sight. 

“Meliorn,” Magnus breathed out sadly, recognizing a very still body that lay a few feet away. 

Jace scanned the devastation. “I can still feel Alec,” he forced out quietly. “It’s faint, really faint, but he’s not dead. I _know_ he’s not.” 

A forsaken roar filled the air. Magnus and Jace moved in sync, spinning to face the noise. Magic erupted in Magnus’s palms and Jace readied his blade. The familiar sound of a portal opening and closing repeatedly could be heard, and Magnus frowned in confusion. 

He spotted movement. A figure was moving through the devastation, one moment there and the next moment gone as it traveled through rapid portals. The figure nearly blended into the surroundings. Magnus was relying more on his hearing rather than his sight to follow the figure’s movements. 

He spotted the forsaken next, thundering through the camp and swinging a wooden club to continue destroying whatever was in its path. And then suddenly, the figure was there, landing just behind the forsaken and stabbing a seraph blade through its back. 

The figure was dressed in all black, and Magnus quickly recognized the armor Izzy had designed. The figure took a step back, pulling the blade out as the forsaken fell. Magnus felt weak in the knees when he recognized the figure. 

“Alec,” he choked out, magic dying in his palms as he rushed forward, Jace right behind him. 

Alec ran to them, meeting him halfway. Magnus grabbed Alec’s shoulders, pulling him into his arms and holding him tight. He buried his face in Alec’s hair and took a deep breath, willing his tears away as Alec’s familiar scent comforted him. 

“Thank the angel,” Magnus breathed out, a phrase he had picked up from Alec. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Alec murmured softly. 

“Are you hurt?” Magnus demanded, pulling back but keeping his hands on Alec’s shoulders as he scanned his eyes over him. 

Alec’s entire face was covered in dirt and sweat. His hair was messy and his eyes were heavy with exhaustion. Magnus scanned his eyes over the rest of him and noticed a tear in the fabric in the thigh of Alec’s armor. 

“I’m fine,” Alec said, trying to sound reassuring. 

“He is now that I’ve healed him,” a voice said as another figure approached them. 

“Catarina,” Magnus said as relief washed over him all over again. Her appearance explained how Alec had been traveling through the portals. 

She had a grim expression on her face as she reached them. “It’s bad, Magnus,” she forced out. “The troops that Imogen sent turned on us. They were with Valentine this whole time.” 

Magnus looked toward Alec and Jace. 

Alec nodded, his expression just as grim. “We have heard nothing from Imogen, so we have no way of knowing if she was in on it or if Malachi betrayed her, too.”

“Clary?” Jace asked softly. 

“She’s okay,” Alec reassured him, and Jace’s shoulders sagged in relief. “Her and Luke aren’t far. We...the four of us are the only survivors from the patrols.” 

Magnus’s stomach dropped. 

“The four of us have been taking out Malachi and his troops,” Alec continued, his voice hardening as he slipped into leader mode. “They are all dead now. But Valentine and a few of his followers have made it through.” 

Jace clenched his teeth in anger. 

“How bad is the institute?” Alec asked, looking at both Magnus and Jace. 

“We were hit hard,” Jace forced out. “Demons came from everywhere. There was an explosion. We did everything we could, but...its nearly destroyed. Izzy stayed behind with Simon, Raphael, and Maia to assist with recovery and prepare for the possibility of another attack.” 

Magnus noticed a brief moment of pride flash through Alec’s otherwise devastated eyes as he nodded. 

“The institute is in good hands,” Magnus added softly. 

Alec’s eyes connected with his briefly, and Magnus did his best to look as reassuring as possible. But apprehension suddenly clouded Alec’s eyes. “Lydia?” 

Words stuck in Magnus’s throat. Apparently that was Alec needed to see to know that she hadn’t made it, sadness taking over his expression as all Magnus could do was shake his head. 

“We need to get moving,” Alec said stiffly as he tore his eyes away, turning and setting a quick pace. “We have only one more chance to stop Valentine. We have to get to Lake Lyn. Now.” 

“Let’s regroup with Luke and Clary,” Catarina said, falling into step beside Alec while Magnus and Jace followed right behind them. “We can attempt to portal closer to the lake, maybe even beat him there.” 

Alec knew the chances of getting to Lake Lyn before Valentine were slim, but he nodded anyway. Magnus noticed that he was walking with a slight limp, and couldn’t help but worry that Alec was more hurt than he was letting on. 

They had been walking for about three minutes when another voice reached them. 

“Jace! Magnus!” 

There was a flash of red as Clary ran forward into Jace’s arms. Jace held her close, closing his eyes for a brief moment as he let her presence ground him. 

“The institute has been completely compromised,” Alec said to Luke. “Izzy, Maia, Simon, and Raphael stayed back to help the wounded and prepare for the possibility of another attack. The...the six of us here are the last stand against Valentine.” 

Luke was quiet for several moments before reaching out to place a hand on Alec’s shoulder and addressing the entire group. “I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that there is no one better for this than the people I am looking at right now. And no matter what happens from here, I am honored to have fought by your side. And I would do it over and over again.” 

Alec smiled a grim smile at him, his lips pressed together. 

“It’s been an honor getting to know all of you,” Luke continued. “After what happened to me, I thought the shadowhunters had failed the downworld. But seeing you, ready to die for us, ready to take this final stand...I feel ready to take on anything.” Luke paused for a brief moment before adding, “So let’s go kill this son of a bitch.”

\--

The sun was setting as they portalled to Lake Lyn. The trees were thinner there, meaning they had less coverage. They all moved in complete silence, looking for any sign of Valentine and his men. 

This was it. Tonight was the final move in a game that had gone on for far too long. At the end of this night, someone would be saying “checkmate.” 

Luke led the way, Jace and Clary flanking just steps behind him. Magnus and Catarina followed while Alec brought up the rear several feet back, bow ready as he observed from a distance. It was eerily quiet, not even the sounds of the wildlife could be heard. The air was filled with apprehension. 

A twig snapped. Not even a second later, Alec fired, his arrow striking an approaching circle member between the eyes. It was like slow motion as the circle member slowly fell backwards, blade falling to the ground beside him. 

There was a moment of absolute silence, and then everything happened at once. 

Magnus watched as Alec ran past him, tapping Catarina twice on the shoulder. She didn’t hesitate to open a portal, which he leapt through. He reappeared in a tree above them, shooting arrow after arrow as circle members began to appear. 

Luke fell back to fight alongside Magnus and Catarina while Jace and Clary took off toward the beach. A figure stood near the water, and there was no mistaking that it was Valentine, the sword in one hand and the mortal cup in the other. 

He was flanked by two circle members, but was otherwise unguarded. 

Most of the circle members coming at them were stopped by Alec’s arrows, but some slipped through. Magnus and Catarina threw out magic in every direction, reducing the circle members to mere ashes. Luke shifted, snarling viciously as he attacked. 

Whips composed of magic hung from Magnus’s hands. He swung fiercely as he struck down each circle member that came within his sight. 

He risked a glance toward the beach. Clary and Jace were fighting circle members. Valentine was up to his mid-calf in the water, ready to drop the sword and cup in. 

“Alec, we’ve got this!” Catarina shouted, opening up another portal. “GO!”

Magnus looked up to watch as Alec launched himself through the portal, disappearing from sight. He swallowed his emotions and tried to ignore how painfully his heart was beating as he resumed his fight against the circle members. 

—

Alec hit the sand running, reappearing out of the portal on the beach just a few steps away from where Clary and Jace fought the circle members. He surged past them, pulling out his blade and heading straight for Valentine. 

Valentine spun to face him, and at the last second Alec lowered his sword, instead swinging his leg and kicking the cup out of Valentine’s hand. It landed behind Alec in the sand. 

Alec and Valentine faced each other, both breathing hard and blades raised — Alec with Izzy’s newly designed seraph blade and Valentine with the soul sword. 

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood,” Valentine said, a slow smile spreading across his face. “The immortal soldier, risen by the angels themselves. Aren’t you an impressive sight?”

Alec said nothing, keeping his blade raised and watching Valentine carefully. 

“It’s a shame you ended up on the wrong side,” Valentine added, his smile shifting to a grim line. 

Alec ignored his comments, refusing to be drawn into Valentine’s little games. “Step out of the water,” he ordered. “And then lower your sword.” 

Valentine didn’t move. Alec held his gaze steady, staring at Valentine coldly. And then finally, Valentine relaxed his stance just slightly, taking a step forward and lowering the sword just an inch. 

Alec kept his blade ready. Valentine took two more steps, finally stepping out of the water. Alec watched his every move. Valentine slowly held the soul sword out toward him. 

After a brief moment, Alec reached for the sword with his left hand. And then Valentine lunged. Alec recognized the attack a second too late, unable to block it. 

But the sword never touched him. At the last second, someone shoved him out of the way. He hit the sand, rolling onto his knees immediately before freezing at the sight in front of him. 

His mother stood where he had just moments before, the soul sword protruding through her chest and out her back. Valentine looked stunned for a moment before his features shifted to something that almost looked like remorse. He pulled the blade out, watching as Maryse fell backward. 

Alec scrambled forward to catch her before she could hit the sand. 

“Mom,” he choked out, looking down at her with wide eyes. “What - what are you doing here?” 

“Izzy told me Magnus and Jace had come to find you. I wanted to help.” She reached up with trembling fingers and cupped his cheek. “I - I’m so proud of you, my boy,” she forced out softly. 

Alec placed his hand over the wound, but there was no way to stop the bleeding. She was not going to survive this. 

“Mom, I - I can’t -“

“Shhh,” she said gently, dropping her hand from his cheek and placing it over his. There was a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. “It’s okay. I’ve paid my dues. You have to finish this fight, my boy. I- I love you.” 

Alec held back a choked sob as he watched her gasp in her last breath before going completely still in his arms. He stared down at her, feeling numb. 

“She was a ferocious woman,” Valentine breathed out with something that almost sounded like admiration, before his tone shifted darker. “It’s a shame she chose the wrong side in the end. Like mother like son.” 

Alec slowly looked up at him, rage igniting within him like a forest fire. Valentine recognized the shift, swinging the soul sword and striking Alec across the cheek. 

The blow knocked Alec to the side, and he hissed in pain as he reached up to touch his cheek, pulling back to see blood on his fingers. He looked back up at Valentine to see the soul sword glowing within his grasp. 

Valentine pointed the sword at him, grinning at Alec wickedly. “Angel blood.” 

Horror seized Alec when he realized that Valentine had just used him to activate the soul sword, his blood now laced with pure angel blood after being brought back to life.

“NO!” Clary screamed from behind him. 

—

Clary’s scream filled Magnus’s ears as he, Catarina, and Luke reached the beach. 

His eyes fell on Alec, who was in a crumpled heap near Valentine’s feet. Valentine held the sword above Alec with a wicked grin on his face. 

Clary was sprinting toward Valentine. Magnus recognized the horror on her face, and realized what Valentine was about to do. 

But then, Alec sprung to his feet, tackling Valentine at the same moment he moved to raise the sword in the air. The sword was knocked from Valentine’s grasp, and Alec lunged for it, landing on top of it just as powerful light exploded from it. 

The blast struck Alec, and he was blown several feet away, rolling and skidding through the sand before finally coming to a stop. Clary continued forward, reaching Valentine, who was still caught off guard from Alec’s attack. She didn’t hesitate to stab her blade into Valentine’s chest. 

Valentine made a choking sound, falling to his knees. Clary moved down with him, ripping her blade from his chest before stabbing it into him again. And again. And again. 

And then she kicked him off of her blade, letting him fall back into the sand, never to move again. 

The beach fell silent. 

Jace reached Clary, placing a hand on her shoulder. Luke and Catarina crouched down by a body that Magnus quickly recognized as Maryse’s. His eyes lingered on her for a moment before looking at Valentine’s fallen form. 

They had done it. They won. 

Magnus started to smile, almost unable to believe that they had actually done it. And then the moment was broken. 

“Magnus?” 

Alec’s voice sounded weak, almost confused. 

Magnus turned toward the sound. Alec had a hand on his chest and seemed to be swaying where he stood. There was a faint, golden glow encompassing him. It stretched across his entire being, leaving no part of him untouched, causing him to appear warm and bright compared to his surroundings. 

It was a sick illusion. 

Magnus watched as Alec’s legs gave out and he fell to his knees. Magnus moved to lunge forward, but Luke stopped him, grabbing onto him and pulling him back. Instead, Jace was there, catching Alec as he fell backwards.

“Let me go!” Magnus shouted angrily, not understanding why Luke was holding him back. 

“You can’t touch him,” Luke forced out, his voice raw. 

“What the hell is going on?” Jace demanded, looking at Luke and Magnus with wide eyes. 

But it was Clary who spoke. 

“Why did you do that?” She shouted at Alec as she ran toward them, tears forming in her eyes. 

“You weren’t going to make it in time,” Alec coughed out. “It had to be me. You know that.” 

Clary dropped to her knees beside him and Jace. She looked at Magnus, not bothering to try to hold her tears back anymore. “He absorbed the blast from the soul sword. If you touch him, it could kill you.” 

Magnus’s entire being went cold. He twisted out of Luke’s hold and hurried toward them anyway, dropping in the sand beside them. 

“Don’t,” Alec forced out, looking at Magnus. 

“Alexander,” Magnus choked out, tears running down his cheeks. “I can’t lose you. Not again.” 

“You’ll never lose me, Magnus,” Alec whispered, staring at him intently. 

Magnus leaned forward, desperately wanting to reach forward and pull Alec into his arms. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, as if he could squeeze the pain out of himself. “Don’t leave me, Alexander. I can’t - I can’t go through this again. We’ve won. We’ve won and you - you can’t leave now! Not now, dammit! I need you! I need you and you - you have to stay, okay? Hang on. We’re going to help you. You - you have to tell me where the wound is? You -“

“There’s no wound, Magnus,” Jace cut in hoarsely. 

“No,” Magnus said, voice shaking. “No. No. _No._ ” 

“There has to be something you can do,” Jace pleaded, looking between Magnus and Catarina desperately. “There - there must be something.” 

Catarina tentatively held out her hand, not daring to touch Alec but letting her magic reach out. But even that stung, and after a moment she had to pull her magic away. 

“I’m sorry,” she forced out, holding back tears. 

“No,” Magnus whispered, inching closer. 

“Magnus, don’t -” Alec started, but Magnus cut him off. 

“No,” he ground out. “I don’t care if it could kill me. I am not going to just sit here and watch you die.” 

Before anyone could stop him, he moved forward. He ignored the stinging on his skin as he shifted Alec into his lap. Jace didn’t try to stop him. 

“Alexander,” Magnus forced out as he held back a sob. Alec’s head rested in the bend of Magnus’s elbow and his legs were bent over one of Magnus’s, his feet sprawled in the sand. 

Magnus hovered a trembling hand over Alec, trying to will his magic. Nothing happened. It was like his magic couldn’t touch him. 

“Dammit,” he gasped, the tears freely falling now as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

There was a sudden warmth in his palm, and he reopened his eyes to see Alec weakly holding his hand within his own. His breathing had become more labored. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Magnus whispered softly. “I love you so much, my angel. Please don’t let go. Not yet. We - we’ll figure something out.” 

Alec offered a shaky nod. He coughed, blood appearing on his lips. He felt as if he was being consumed from the inside out. Magnus released Alec’s hand and gently wiped away the blood with his sleeve. 

The tingling had shifted to burning in Magnus’s limbs, but he didn’t care. 

Jace reached forward, taking ahold of Alec’s hand. He stared down at it for a moment before holding it to his chest. 

“Alec,” he croaked out, and Alec rolled his head to the side to look at his parabatai. “If - if it hurts too much, you can go. I - I don’t want you to go. I want you to keep fighting. But I understand if you need to, Alec. Y-you’ve been fighting for your entire life and I understand if you don’t want to anymore. If you have to go, it’s - it’s okay. We will watch out for each other. We - we’ll take care of each other. You don’t have to worry about us anymore. You can let go, Alec. It’s okay.” 

Tears welled up in Alec’s eyes. Blood began to drip from his nose. Magnus shakily reached forward with his sleeve again before cupping Alec’s cheek as Alec looked back up at him, their eyes meeting. 

“I don’t want you to go, Alexander,” Magnus said softly, his voice trembling. “But it’s okay. Jace is right.” 

Magnus clamped his mouth shut, unable to say anything more. 

“I’m tired,” Alec forced out, his words starting to slur, his voice thick. 

Magnus held him tighter. He used his free hand to push some of Alec’s dark hair out of his face. 

“I know you are, love,” Magnus whispered brokenly, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “It’s okay.” 

Luke and Catarina hung back, tears streaming down their faces as she clung to his arm, needing something to ground her. Clary remained by Jace, holding his free hand tightly and crying into his shoulder. 

Alec’s breaths began to come in short, painful gasps. Magnus couldn’t control his tears anymore, letting them fall freely. 

“You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Alexander,” he choked out. 

Magnus clamped his mouth shut, tearing his eyes away to stare up at the stars for a moment. Alec went still in his arms. Magnus slowly looked down to see that Alec’s eyes had slipped shut. He was no longer breathing. 

A sob escaped Jace as he held Alec’s hand tighter. His sobs grew louder, cutting through the silence around them. 

Magnus stared down at the lifeless love of his life. Alec finally looked at peace, and Magnus wanted to scream at the world for only allowing his angel to feel peace in death. It wasn’t fair. It was beyond cruel.

His control slipped like a switch being turned on. Magic began to whirl around them as his glamour fell. His cat eyes glowed in the increasing darkness of dusk. 

“No,” Clary suddenly said, her voice barely heard over his magic. “I won’t let it end like this.” 

Magnus was aware of her standing up and walking determinedly away, but he didn’t bother to see what she was going. He couldn’t bare to pull his eyes away from Alec. All he could register was Alec. Alec was dead. Again. And his magic was out of control. And he couldn’t stop it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He wanted his magic to consume him. He wanted to explode with it. He didn’t know how to keep going. 

Suddenly, it was as if the darkness evaporated. Magnus’s head snapped up to see Clary standing in Lake Lyn, the sword and cup nowhere to be seen. And in the sky above her was Raziel, his glow stretching across the ground like daylight. Clary had risen the angel. 

—

“Clarissa Morgenstern,” Raziel said, his voice echoing around them. “You have summoned me. You may compel me to one action. What is it that you ask?” 

“Alec Lightwood,” Clary forced out through the tears that threatened to start falling again. “Bring him back, please.” 

Raziel said nothing, continuing to be suspended in the air above her for a few long, agonizing moments. And then in a flash, he was gone. Clary stared at the dark sky where he had been. And then she spun to face the others. Magnus’s magic was still out of control as he held Alec’s body against his chest. 

She ran over, pushing through the whirlwind of Magnus’s magic to drop to her knees in the sand next to Jace again. Magnus suddenly froze, looking down at Alec, as his eyes flickered between his cat eyes and his glamoured eyes. 

Alec shifted in his arms, blinking slowly and furrowing his eyebrows as he looked up at Magnus. 

“Alec?” Jace whispered. 

Alec continued to look up at Magnus. “What ‘appended?” 

Magnus’s magic began to lash out more, his emotions completely consuming him. 

Jace looked over at Clary, a mixture of relief and awe on his face as he choked out a mixture of a sob and a laugh. “You’re brilliant, Fray. I love you.” 

Clary smiled as he pulled her close, connecting their lips for a brief moment, their tears mixing together. They were stopped by the sound of Catarina. 

“Magnus!” Catarina shouted over the hum of his magic. “You have to rein it back in!”

Catarina had thrown up a force field, attempting to contain his magic. Magnus didn’t respond, his body trembling as he stared down at Alec. It was too late. His control has slipped and he wasn’t sure how to get it back. 

“Hey,” Alec said, his voice cutting through Magnus’s haze. “Focus on me. I’m here. Everything is going to be okay.” 

“You’re here,” Magnus repeated softly, only able to heard by Alec. 

“I am,” Alec said back, shifting in Magnus’s arms slowly, his limbs feeling like weights, and cupping Magnus’s cheeks. “I’m _here_.” 

Right there, in that moment, it was just Magnus and Alec. There was no one else. There was no more war. There was no more loss. There was no Head of the Institute or High Warlock Of Brooklyn. It was just them, two beings, filled with so much love. 

Slowly, Magnus felt himself beginning to regain control. He shifted, throwing his arms around Alec and pulling him against him tightly, crying softly as he twisted his fingers into the the hair at the back of Alec’s head. 

“I love you so much,” Magnus breathed out. 

“I love you, too,” Alec murmured. 

Alec pulled back slightly to look at Magnus. Magnus stretched forward, crashing their lips together and letting all his emotions pour out into the kiss. His magic surged once more, sending a pulse against Catarina’s force field, and then the wind around them died. 

They pulled back from the kiss, but kept their foreheads pressed together. Magnus’s eyes returned to normal. Alec was no longer glowing, and Magnus’s limbs were no longer burning. 

They fell into a peaceful silence as Magnus and Alec continued to hold each other. After a moment, Jace joined in, wrapping his arms around them both and leaning their heads together.

When they all finally pulled back, Jace gently grabbed Alec’s shoulders as he choked out a mixture of a sob and a laugh. “You’ve gotta stop doing this to me, man.” 

Alec pressed his lips together, but then a smile bloomed across his face and he and Jace started to laugh. Everyone stared for a moment before joining in, suddenly feeling so much lighter.

They had done it. Valentine was dead, most of the circle was wiped out. There was loss, but there always was in war. But they were together, and they were alive. They were going to be okay. 

Everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this story is nearing it's end. Thank you all for sticking with me for so long. 
> 
> Please feel free to talk to me on Twitter (@ReneeWritesx) or Tumblr (lovelywritesx) -- I love chatting :)


	19. A Never-Ending Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little (mostly) fluff chapter for you! ;)

_“Never be afraid to fall apart, because it is an opportunity to rebuild things the way you wish they had been all along.”_

-

The six of them sat in the sand, staring out at Lake Lynn as the sun began to rise. 

Alec was seated in front of Magnus, leaning back against his chest and holding one of Magnus’s hand within both of his own. Jace, and then Clary, sat beside them, Clary’s head leaning on his shoulder. Luke sat on Clary’s other side, Catarina next to him. 

No one said a word, staring out at the water. Magnus had conjured up a blanket to cover Maryse’s body. The tip of the blanket flapped slightly in the wind, but otherwise rested on her peacefully. 

Catarina had sent a fire message to the institute, letting them know that Valentine was dead and that they were alive. After that, they had all succumbed to their exhaustion and sat in the sand, unable to will themselves to do anything else at that moment. 

They had won. They deserved a moment. 

Magnus shifted just slightly, pulling Alec even closer against him. The darkness that had been surrounding them for so long was finally gone. It felt like an eternity and so sudden all at once. Alec leaned back into his touch, and Magnus couldn’t suppress his smile even if he wanted to. 

“So what happens now?” Clary asked, breaking the silence as she lifted her head off of Jace’s shoulder. 

Everyone simultaneously looked toward Alec and Magnus. 

Alec didn’t move from his place resting against Magnus. “We rebuild,” he said softly, but with a sureness in his voice that brought all of them a little comfort. “The correct way this time.” 

Clary seemed content with that answer, turning her gaze back to Lake Lyn. 

Magnus gave Alec a gentle squeeze. Alec adjusted his head on Magnus’s shoulder and turned his face so that he could look at Magnus. 

“Are you sure you’re not hurt?” Alec asked softly. 

“I’m fine, Alexander,” Magnus replied just as soft, pressing a kiss to Alec’s forehead. 

“I know the effects of the soul sword in me burned you-”

“Already healed,” Magnus whispered against his forehead. “I promise I’m okay.” 

Alec stared at him for a moment longer before resting his head back against Magnus’s shoulder again. 

“What about you?” Magnus asked. “Any pain?” 

“It’s dwindling,” Alec murmured. “I’m good.” 

“I can help-”

“You’ve done more than enough,” Alec said, a small smile appearing on his lips for just a brief moment. “Save your magic. We’re all good.” 

Magnus kissed Alec’s temple and then turned to look at the others. Exhaustion was clear on their faces, but so was relief. 

Their peace was interrupted by the sound of a portal opening. They all turned their heads toward the sound, watching as Imogen and Izzy stepped through, the portal closing behind them. 

Izzy spotted them and hurried forward. “Is everyone okay?” 

“We’re...good,” Clary said softly when no one else answered, offering Izzy a tired, reassuring smile. 

Jace was the first to stand, walking up to Izzy and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Maryse is dead,” he said softly. “She came to help us. She gave her life to save Alec.”

Izzy stared at him with wide eyes, unable to really process his words or her own emotions. She pulled her gaze away to look at the blanket-covered body that rest in the sand near the water. 

“It was an honorable death,” Catarina added as everyone else began to stand. 

Alec looked at her gratefully. She nodded back. 

Imogen approached Alec, her hands clasped behind her back as she looked up at him. “Is it true, about Malachi’s troops? He was with Valentine?” 

“Yes,” Alec said, slipping back into leader mode despite the exhausted bend of his shoulders. “They immediately turned on us. They had demons and forsakens with them. We were severely outnumbered and they took no prisoners. Catarina, Clary, Luke, and I are the only survivors from the patrols.” 

Imogen dipped her head for a moment, her lips pressed together in a thin line. She then took a deep breath and looked back up at Alec. 

“Some very generous warlocks have begun the process of rebuilding the institute. It is nearly complete. The next two weeks will be for mourning and honoring the dead, both shadowhunters and downworlders alike. Everyone fought bravely, united...the way things should have always been. Thank you for teaching me that.” 

Alec found himself at a loss of words, so he forced himself to nod. 

“Thank you to all of you,” she added, turning her attention to the others. “You all helped bring an end to Valentine, and you will forever be honored for that.”

Magnus joined Alec’s side, wrapping an arm around his waist. 

“But now, you must rest,” Imogen continued. “We will take these two weeks to mourn. And you all are on a mandatory vacation until I say otherwise. And then, we will rebuild. Together.” 

Magnus and Alec shared a long look. 

“A vacation, hm?” Magnus practically purred. “That sounds like a great plan to me.” 

Alec smiled tiredly at him. “How does England sound?” 

“Perfect,” Magnus breathed. “It sounds absolutely perfect.” 

\--

Alec was surrounded by warmth. It touched every inch of him, and he felt so at peace for the first time in a long time. There was no more war looming over his shoulders. All of that was behind them. And now, they had so much to look forward to. 

Alec slowly blinked his eyes open, his gaze focusing on the small window in the bedroom that had a view of rolling countryside. He smiled to himself before rolling over so that he could bury his face into his pillow and breathe in Magnus’s scent. 

“Good morning, Alexander,” Magnus murmured softly. 

“Morning,” Alec whispered back. 

It had been one week since they had defeated Valentine. After the funerals for everyone were complete, Alec and Magnus had left for England, keeping their promise to each other. Magnus had stood by Alec’s side during the funerals, and Alec by his. The ceremonies had been beautiful, and everyone, shadowhunter and downworlder alike, was honored. 

“How are you feeling today, my love?” Magnus asked, running his fingers through Alec’s hair. 

Dying again had taken a toll on Alec’s body. When they weren’t at the funerals, they had spent their time in Alec’s room at the institute with Alec in bed. He put on a good face for everyone else, but Magnus, and Jace, knew how truly exhausted he was. 

“Good,” Alec answered, a soft smile on his lips. 

Magnus continued to run his fingers through Alec’s hair. Alec definitely looked better than he had a week ago. He had some color again rather than being scarily pale, and his eyes had some of their usual sparkle back. 

“I’m ready to do something today,” Alec added, wiping a hand over his face in an attempt to wake himself up a bit more. 

Magnus propped himself up on his elbow. “Yeah?” 

Alec nodded. “I want you to show me around the village. Take me to your favorite spots. Tell me stories of your adventures here.” 

Magnus leaned forward, connecting their lips tenderly for a brief, but perfect moment. “I have so much to show you,” he said when he pulled away. 

Alec prepared to get up, but then Magnus moved forward again, this time wrapping his arms around Alec and crawling on top of him, placing his hands on Alec’s pillow on either side of Alec’s head, hovering just above him. Alec laughed, the most beautiful sound in the world to Magnus, and wrapped his arms around Magnus’s neck. 

Magnus laughed too, before capturing his lips again. The day could wait just a little longer to begin. 

\--

Magnus smiled as he watched Alec talk with an elderly man who owned a flower shop. Alec was dressed in a loose blue hoodie with black jeans and his usual boots. His hair was a little messier than normal, and he had an easy smile on his lips and a pair of black sunglasses resting on his nose. Magnus was so in love. 

They had stopped for brunch at a small cafe along a narrow cobbled street. Magnus still sat at their small table, sipping on the last of his tea, enjoying the warm sun against his skin. 

Alec finished his conversation with the man and walked back over, extending a lily across the table to Magnus. Magnus reached for it, smiling at the flower as he took ahold of it. 

“You’re way sweeter than people give you credit for,” Magnus said, his eyes flickering up to Alec. 

Alec shook his head, despite the smile on his face. “Only for you.” 

“Oh, please,” Magnus scoffed playfully. “I’ve seen you carry your sister to her room after she fell asleep at her desk in the weapons room. I've seen you help Jace plan the perfect date with Clary. I’ve seen your softer side and now that’s always how I’ll see you. You’re a total softie.” 

Even though Magnus couldn’t see them, he knew Alec rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. But his smile never left his lips. 

They sat in happy silence for a few moments, enjoying the moment they were being given. The war was over, but the path to recovery was still long. 

Alec’s smile faded just slightly. “I don’t want this moment to end,” he said softly. 

“What we are feeling in this moment never will,” Magnus said. “And that’s what really matters. I love you, and that’s never going to change. This - this absolute joy and happiness I feel just by being with you, that’s never going to end.” 

Alec’s smile returned. “I love you, too.” 

Magnus took another sip of his tea as an easy silence fell over them again. Everything had been so loud lately, so intense. It felt amazing to just sit and enjoy the peaceful quiet around them. 

“We have a long road ahead of us,” Alec spoke softly, resting his chin on his hand as he looked at Magnus. 

“We do,” Magnus agreed, setting down his mug. “But this was a victory for everyone. We are more united than we ever have been before. We have to take advantage of that and do things right this time.” 

Alec nodded along with him. 

A playful smile took over Magnus’s features. “Why do I have a feeling you already have a plan?” 

“Because you know me too well, Magnus Bane.” 

“Soon to be Magnus Lightwood-Bane,” Magnus added, pointing a finger at Alec. 

A grin stretched across Alec’s face. “Why do I have a feeling you already have our entire wedding planned?” 

“Because you know me too well, Alec Lightwood.” 

“Soon to be Alec Lightwood-Bane,” Alec corrected, his smile growing even more. 

Magnus was so in love.

—

“I could steal it,” Alec whispered. “Easily.” 

Magnus elbowed him. They were taking a tour to see the Crown Jewels in London. The security was state of the art and they couldn’t even get close to the glass. They had spent the entire morning slowly exploring the grounds of the Tower of London, enjoying the crisp autumn day. There were not many tourists since peak season was over, so they had most of the exhibits to themselves other than a few mundanes. 

“I helped make this crown, you know,” Magnus retorted. 

Alec narrowed his eyes at him. “No you didn’t.” 

“Fine,” Magnus said, rolling his eyes playfully. “But I did help design the security here. Both Ragnor and I did. He was related to the Queen, you know.” 

Alec paused for a moment before narrowing his eyes again. “No he wasn’t.” 

“Friend of the Queen, related, same difference,” Magnus said with a wave of his hand. 

Alec rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yeah, and I’m related to Raziel.” 

“You have pure angel blood in you,” Magnus replied. “So you basically are.” 

Alec hesitated before caving. “Touché.” 

Magnus loved this side of Alec. The side of him when he really opened up and let himself relax. His playful personality would slip out and it usually ended with Magnus laughing in a way that no one else could make him. It was a side of Alec that anyone else rarely got to see. 

Today was their last day in England before they would return to New York. The time away had been great, but they were also both itching to get back. Magnus studied his shadowhunter, whose attention was now on another set of jewels. 

Alec’s eyes were calculating and eager as he read the information about the history of the jewels. Magnus still got butterflies every time he looked at Alec. He had been in love before, and he would cherish those people and their memories forever, but nothing compared to the way he felt toward Alec. It was an entirely new kind of love. A love that was so strong and life-altering, he could hardly remember how he had felt before he met Alec. He never wanted it to end, and for the first time in forever, he had the comfort in knowing that it never would. 

They had forever. 

—

Alec stepped through the portal alongside Magnus and then paused, taking a moment to look around the loft. It felt like forever since he had been there. It felt like forever since he had been _home._

Not much had changed. One of his leather jackets was still thrown over the back of the couch and his extra bow and arrows leaned against the wall near the door. Random rings belonging to Magnus lay on end tables and shelves, taken off and forgotten about after a long day. Photos from a night in Tokyo were framed and propped up on the fireplace mantle. 

“Are you okay?” Magnus asked from where he stood near the hallway, turning back to look at him. 

A smile tugged at Alec’s lips. “I’m perfect.” 

Magnus smiled at him, crossing the room, cupping his cheeks and whispering, “Welcome home.” 

Alec savored Magnus’s gentle touch before wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him close, connecting their lips. Magnus slid his hands from Alec’s cheeks to wrap his arms around his neck, desperately trying to pull him even closer. Alec followed Magnus’s movements as he pulled him backwards down the hall.

They stumbled into the bedroom, a mixture of laughter and kisses. 

“I love you,” Alec breathed out. 

“I love you, too,” Magnus said, pulling back just slightly to look at Alec. 

Alec looked so _alive._ His skin was flush and his eyes held sparks. His grin was wide and just everything about him screamed life. It made Magnus’s heart leap. 

“What did it feel like?” Magnus suddenly asked. 

Alec furrowed his eyebrows, still holding Magnus close. “What?” 

“Dying.” 

Magnus stared at him as Alec fell silent. He kept his arms wrapped around Alec’s neck, gently running his fingers through his hair. 

“With Jonathan, it was a whirlwind of emotions, but also sudden. I remember feeling angry and betrayed, and then nothing. It was just over. And then the next thing I remember is feeling like I was floating. I could hear faint voices. I could hear you.” 

Magnus’s breath caught in his throat as Alec’s eyes bore into him. 

“The voices became clearer. It was you, and Jace, and Izzy. Talking to me. Talking around me. But it was all jumbled and I couldn’t really make sense of any of it.” 

“What about at Lake Lyn?” Magnus whispered, his voice barely audible. 

“That was worse,” Alec admitted softly, slowly backing them up until they were seated on the bed, still holding each other. “Not so much in the pain of the actual wound, but in the pain of knowing that I was leaving you, all of you. Being surrounded by you made me feel so loved but also really, really sad. I didn’t want to leave you. But I also knew you would take care of each other. And when...when I died, it just felt like slowly fading. Things became unclear. I felt far away even though I knew I was in your arms. And then everything just stopped.” 

Magnus blinked back tears. “Thank you for coming back to me,” he whispered, placing his hand on Alec’s neck. “Twice.” 

Alec gently took ahold of Magnus’s wrist, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it. And then he looked back up at Magnus. “I can’t believe I owe Clary Fray my life.” 

Magnus threw his head back in laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support of this story! The next chapter is the FINAL chapter, and then there will be an epilogue :)


End file.
